A peak into my life...

So it's after midnight...I just finished that last blog with Jacob sitting on my lap. I know it says something like 8am, but that's just when I started writing it, and I'm such a techno-phobe that I don't know how to do anything like change the time. So it was really about midnight. And Jacob was on my lap, awake.

For months now I've been trying to get him off of napping. And he's mostly not napping now, but if we get in the car anytime after 4pm then that's a dangerous move. So he didn't have a 'nap' today, unless you count the hour he slept - which started in the car on my way to work and then played out on the floor of my work, with a nasty old beanbag chair under his sleeping head - from 5pm to 6pm. He was just resting up for the rest of the night.

I don't know how it got to this point...to really analyze it you'd have to go back to my own childhood. My mom tells me that I was the only one of her kids she could put down awake and leave, letting me 'hum' myself to sleep. But I don't remember that, and I don't remember ever being a good sleeper. So I guess not knowing how to sleep myself, I wasn't very good at getting a baby to sleep - and it has nothing to do with the fact that Jacob sleeps in our bed, this was always in the plan. And now our baby, who we never 'taught' to sleep is a 3 year-old who doesn't know how to sleep.

Even though Jacob was at work with me for a bit tonight, Zach came to get him when he was done working, which means that I was away from Jacob for a couple hours. Being away for a couple hours is a long time for me, so when I got home I wanted to spend time with Jacob and not put him right to sleep. We said we'd just watch the tape of The Office that we've been waiting two days to watch and then get Jacob ready for bed. By the time it was over, I was fully into what I was doing on the computer and Zach was asleep on the couch (I'm noticing now how so many of my stories end with one of us falling asleep on the couch). Jacob was quietly playing and I rationalized that if he was being good and quiet then what was the sense in disrupting that to argue about getting ready for bed? See, I was being Selfish Mom tonight and trying to make it look good.

As the night went on, all of the following happened: I helped Jacob brush his teeth with his Princess Toothpaste (yes, we bought it at the store last week with no promting from me - it was still the one Jacob wanted, and Zach was there to witness the decision-making); I said aloud the words "Mango, why are you licking the radiator?"; I turned around to find a formerly dressed Jacob completely naked (for the 4th time today)because he was taking a 'shower'; I discovered Mango finishing the rest of Jacob's broccoli and didn't do anything about it because I was too tired to get up; Jacob freaked out that Mango ate his broccoli and wanted me to make more for him even though I couldn't have paid him enough to finish it 2 hours prior; Jacob surprisingly didn't freak out when I told him we couldn't go to Dunkin Donuts because they were closed.

At some point Jacob came over and actually asked to go for a car ride (his way of saying he was tired?). Selfish Mom thought, "OK, tell him what he wants and you'll get 5 more minutes to write." So I said we'd go in a few minutes and I really meant it. But we never did. And I don't know how it got this late. I eventually rocked Jacob to sleep and now he's nestled with Zach on the couch. But what is my deal?