Let me count the ways...

Sometimes I post on here and the time stamp says something crazy like 4:20am because I'll change the date or time so things show up in chronological order, and they're not all bunched up in one day in reverse order. I don't know how to explain that without writing entire paragraphs so you'll just have to believe me that I have a good reason, and it has to do with being extremely anal.

My point is, right now I am live blogging at 4:20am because what just happened next to me is the best thing in the world, and it's happened before; enough times that it was infinitely worth it to go get the computer, and with bright light hitting my eyeballs (risking the chance of me ever being able to fall back asleep), attempt to tell the world about the best kind of love that exists - at least in my world.

My kids, especially the older one, find numerous ways to aggravate me. There are so many different methods; each coming with its own particular course of action for inflicting irritation. However, I'm coming to realize that for each of these annoyances, there are at least as many different ways to love them.

Anyway, here I am in the family bed, also known as the Big Bed. But it is definitely not as big as some beds other people have for half the amount of bodies. I like to think of ours as the all-the-better-to-snuggle-you size. Sabine woke up, I got up, carried her downstairs because even though it's pre-dawn, it just felt like it was time to make the coffee. With the little one slung over my shoulder, I put together the necessary ingredients and hit 'on'.

I returned upstairs to await the liquid gold and Sabine appeared to be back asleep. So I laid her back down, but then she got all squirmy. The way we appease her when we want her to settle down and go back to sleep is that we gently and rhythmically pat her. I really wanted that coffee so I told her to sit tight and I'd be right back. Of course she was not going to sit tight but I left anyway and heard her pining for me get louder and louder. Then things appeared to get quite, and when I returned I could tell there was no noise coming from Sabine. I thought she had fallen back asleep, but then I heard Jacob doing the instinctual shushing that us parents do, then he whispered, "Mommy's coming right back." When I got closer I saw that he was also patting her. The best part about it is that his eyes were closed.

I can't exactly put words to why this detail made the moment, but it was like this action was just instinctual, like that of an exhausted mother of a newborn just trying to catch any shut eye she can. He just did it because that's what he's been doing her whole life. She's his little sister and he loves her, that is just how he shows it. And the fact that Sabine responded to that action; the idea that she could be just as soothed by Jacob in that moment as either of her parents drives home the meaningfulness of the whole thing.

To see my kids, the two little people I created, functioning in the world like that, independent of me, that's when I love them the best, in the most pure way I can.

I told Jacob how sweet that was and how awesome he is, and scooped Sabine back up. When she eventually went back to sleep (or so I thought), I laid her down again only to have her get right back up, all angry like this time. She was calling out for Jeje (Jakie). I showed her that he was right next to her, said that he was the one patting her. She got all calm, said, "Uhn," and settled in next to him.

So here they are now at the end of this writing, all nestled against one another in matching positions and Jacob's arm is around Sabine. I swear, there is nothing better in the world. If we got to pick our own version of Heaven, you know what mine would look like.

And my biggest argument in favor of co-sleeping is the fact that my heart is so full and big right now that it might actually explode. Seriously, before you put your kids in their own beds and their own rooms, ask yourself why you're doing it. Is it because that's what you've always 'known' it's the way it's done according to our culture, or because that's what is actually best for your family? For us, this is clearly the best.