Dear Jacob: May 2007

The things you're doing:

Packing random bags full of random things to go to random places. Grandma tells me that I used to do this to go on even quick errands. But I'd pack extra clothes, an activity and a snack. You pack completely random things: Blocks, books, too many extra pairs of socks, shoe laces, and lately it's been Daddy's tie and his painting hat. You miss him so much these days that taking little momentos like that helps you to feel closer to him.

Getting up in the morning and going to your dresser, pulling out underwear, socks, pants and a shirt. Getting dressed all by yourself. You've been able to mostly do this for a long time, but now you can perfectly get that shirt over your head! The other day you picked out an outfit for me to wear (complete with socks and underwear) to put on so we could go to soccer.

Touchpoints: I just realized that's what your regressive behavior is about and I feel so bad because suddenly it is clear that you just have other things on your mind, you are learning, becoming a big kid, and you simply can't hear me when I tell you to go do something. You're about to take a big development step and all your energy is focused on that so whatever you've learned in the past about following rules or listening, is out the window. Now I feel terrible for all the yelling. Since I reframed it like this in my mind, I've been a lot more calmer and patient with you and I can tell you're appreciative of the understanding and compassion.

Always going to a 'job' with Bob or one of the others from the 'crew'. Always. Last week you said to me, "Hey Mommy. You know what? I got a new job doing such-and-such. What do you think of that?" Whenever I tell you what we have planned for the next day, you answer back that you won't be able to go because you're doing construction with Bob that day. I tell you back that Bob is working you too hard and I'm going to call him to and tell him there is absolutely no way you can work that day.

Been more clingly than in the past. You want to always go places with me again. This has been fine with but the other day I was about to lose it and I finally had to send you off against your will with Grandma. I felt awful. I hope I never have to do that again.

Asserting yourself more. At soccer the other day you walked up to people as they were leaving and waved and said goodbye. This is something I always tell you to do to be polite so it was such a treat to see you doing it on your own, being polite, but also, approaching them on your own in a confident way.

Always with the addition...above all else, you will choose to help your daddy on the addition, it is by far your favorite thing to do. Even more than watch the Gilmore Girls! Speaking of which, he is not just 'Daddy' anymore, you always say 'My Daddy', not when addressing him, but when referring to him in conversation, to further emphasise how proud of him you are and how much you love him.

Well, that's what I can think of now. Tomorrow is June and I will start a whole new list for next month!