Repairing the Damage

Tuesday Morning:

The sleeping lasted all night and didn't end until 30 minutes after I'd gotten out of bed this morning. Yippee! Oh God, that reminds me of the days (not too long ago) when we were struggling to get Jacob to sleep through the night. Note to the Universe: Don't take this as my being cocky and go causing a relapse in the actual Sleeping Through the Night. Please.

It was a day of testing. When Jacob woke up he opened the shades (like he always does), turned off the Sleepinator, and came downstairs to find me getting my simultaneous caffeine and computer fixes. He snuggled up on my lap (like he always does), but it felt like it was the first time, as if we didn't already know the perfect way we fit together. Same nooks, same arms, same bend of the knee, yet there was something very vulnerable about it.

At music class the testing turned a little rough when the gentle hair playing quickly morphed into hair pulling and escalated with a swift kick to my leg during the goodbye song. A quick trip to the same library that ended in disaster back in February to return some homeschooling books that, come to think of it, I got on that Valentine's excursion, cost me $3.20 in late fees (I'd maxed out my renewals and then some) and the rest of my patience. I took Jacob to the bathroom at the library but he skipped out before washing his hands and totally ignored our safety word, "Stop!" What is it about that bathroom that causes children to go running from it and all the way down the hall away from their responsible adults?

Anyway, it's pretty clear: He's asserting his independence. I get it, but it still hurts. All day long, anytime I had to *speak* to Jacob about something and instruct him to either stay in one place or do something, say pick up his mess, he would assert, "I don't have to...I can get up if I want to." But he'd do what I'd said anyway. He wants to behave, but he also wants me to know he has a mind of his own and he's looking for confirmation by my reaction that he does, infact, have some control over his life. So I've got to just bite my tongue and let him have his little moments of defiance.

Jacob came to work with me and the plan was to have my mom come by with Marisa halfway through, let them play a little, and then she would leave with both of them. When it was time for them to leave my work, Jacob didn't want to go. He wanted to stay with me. I felt so honored. So when I'd closed up and all the cleaning was done, I surprised Jacob by running up the slide and catching him, pulling him back down with me. He was so thrilled with this and begged me to play more. We ran around the place playing chase for another 10 minutes.

Back at home we went for a nice walk, all of us, and then I got Jacob ready for bed. And guess who he wanted to put him to bed. ME. I read books, rocked him to sleep and then layed him in bed. It seems our day-long slow dance back into each others' good graces had a happy ending.