Dear Jacob: January - March 2009

Dear Jacob,

I just realized I have not written one of these for you yet this year! I mean I haven't finished one. I started, and I've tried so hard, but none of that has gotten me anywhere. Below you will see my first attempts at this post. I'll leave them in, unfinished, because if I keep trying to start over I'll never get there. Actually, the first half of this paragraph was early in March. I swore it was going to be done before April, and now it's April 1st. It will be done today.

Part of the reason why I haven't gotten it done yet is because you've been so darn difficult lately. I didn't want to finish this post while I was mad at you for say, hitting me or screaming like a banshee at something I wouldn't let you do. I wanted to be in a good mood. Other reasons are that I don't really ever get 'guilt-free' time on the computer, unless I stay up till 2am, but then the next day I am ruined. In any line of work there is a certain amount of paper work. I'm coming to think of my time on the computer as my paperwork of mothering. I schedule our days via e-mail, find out about cool things we can do together by surfing the internet, learn about crafts to make a Playschool, and all kinds of things. So I shouldn't really feel guilty, but I do. There's also the fact that you never really stop talking to me and it's hard to concentrate.


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February 21st: We are running out of high shelves in this house. Last night after finding huge globs of sticky blue stuff on the sink, I put the tooth paste in the most high, hidden place I could find in the bathroom. Right now I've just come from the kitchen where I was forced to hide all the coffee behind the bread on a high shelf in the cupboard. I didn't want to do it because it is very cute when you make me coffee. It's getting out of control though. One day recently you made a really great pot of coffee that tasted very good - the only problem was it was 9 o'clock at night. Just now you made a pot of coffee while I was napping with Sabine. Even though I'd already had two cups of coffee before you were out of bed, I acted happy because you were so proud. One taste, however, and I decided this has got to stop. You'd loaded it with sugar, and I don't even take sugar in my coffee.

Coming home from somewhere the other day you asked if we could fold laundry before you had to go to bed. At times when you're bored you'll beg for something to clean. I send you off with a rag and the bottle of the water/vinegar mixture and hope for the best. When you want to vacuum I figure the worst that can happen is the trim work might get banged up, but as long as the vacuum is working properly, stuff is going to get collected off the floor. We clean together a lot. You're favorite is still folding laundry. Cleaning the floor, doing dishes, helping me cook - in your book, they're all a privilege.

This post is coming quite early this month because I find myself in a good mood and not screaming at you. I need to take advantage of those moments because they don't come all that often these days.

February 28th: Oh, here's a good one. Part of the reason I'm so tired today is that I woke up in bed around 10pm and someone was trying to run a comb through my tangled hair. Actually, I think you'd been at it for a while and I can't believe I hadn't woken up right away.

I inserted the date above to show that that was one week ago, today being the 28th of February. And wouldn't you know, that was the end of any sort of blogging for a full week. Anyway, things have been hectic, to say the least. You've taken this 'getting into things' to a whole new level. If
Present Time (being early March): If, if...If I could only remember where I was going with that If. Two kids is like, well, feels like way more than two kids. With the both of you going in different directions, it's all I can do to survive the day. That's most of the reason I'm so late with this, and the rest is because I have to wait for a time when I'm not totally pissed at you for doing something so completely FIVE. You are the exact same kid you were when you were two, only you've become magnified, or multiplied. I'm pretty sure you came out that way and it just took us a couple years to catch on to who you are.

Back to present time - April 1st:

About a month ago the internet was not working at all so I had to spend an hour on the phone with the Verizon guy as he talked me through fixing the problem. It turns out someone had disabled the internet and he had to set up a whole new network. Whatever that means. But what he said was that the way to disable the internet was t press the F7 key and the Windows key simultaneously. You had been the last one using the computer. At one point you got frustrated when your Caillou game stopped responded and you started pressing random buttons. That is just so completely you. One little chance instance completely disabled our internet.

Sometimes you do stuff that is so responsible and so mature that it's almost like you have to balance it out with such juvenile behavior. You make such annoying noises for long parts of the day, scream at the top of your lungs for no reason and just completely whacked out stuff. For instance, I might walk in to the bathroom only to find you half naked, standing on the counter unrolling toilet paper roll after toilet paper roll and hanging them from the towel bar with the paper running down the length of the wall. If I were to write a book about you, surely I'd have to title a chapter: WTF?

Despite all the crazy stuff, you are so good to Sabine. You and she are clearly each other's favorite people in the world. You take very good care of her, and I can almost completely trust you with her. That's saying a lot because I remember when she was a newborn I was afraid to leave you alone in a room with her. I thought you might 'experiment' with her. And that's not to say that you haven't tried stuff like that, but you're getting better at resisting the urges to put plastic bags over her head, and stuff like that. However, you did just put a plastic bag over your head least week. I don't get it.

You make me so proud. One time recently we were playing hide and seek. I declared you the new Hide & Seek champ that night because you found this awesome spot all on your own and you stayed there, without laughing, while Daddy took multiple trips around the house looking for you. He could not find you. it was great. I made you sneak out of your spot while Daddy was out of the room because I told you a Hide and Seek champ never gives away his best hiding spots. This is an especially important rule when you live in a small house with limited hiding spots, such as we do.

Speaking of pride, just last night you rode a bike without training wheels. This is an appropriate age for that, but the thing is, it was your first time without training wheels. It just hadn't occured to us to take the training wheels off sooner. You probably would have been riding around without training wheels all last summer. Oh well.

T-ball is coming up. You registered back in February, and we've been waiting to get the call with details. We just got the call last night and the excitement in our house was pretty intense. We're all very excited about this.

Anyway, I'm not very happy with the organization of this post, and what I've written hear is only a fraction of our lives lately, but it will have to do. I've got to get this posted or it might never happen.

I love you,

Mommy