Dear Sabine: Month 10

Dear Sabine,

Today you are ten months old. You just woke up from an hour and 45 minute nap. In the cosleeper. By yourself. I am not lying. This is a new thing for us. I finally got up enough courage to decide you needed to be sleeping on your own for a nap at least once a day. I didn't pick the time or anything, it just sort of happened that 10:30 is the general nap time, on most days at least. I think what the main factor that allowed for the 'schedule' of sorts is that we had two weeks off from Playschool so we were around here more in the mornings. So you see, maybe you will make a routine person out of me after all.

I can't tell you how liberating it is to have you taking a somewhat regular nap. Today Jacob and I got some much-needed alone time to play and clean, among other things. And then when you woke up you made the little yell noise that you do, I came up the stairs and there you were on your knees is the cosleeper, with your hands on the edge, just waiting for me to get you. You knew I was coming, and you patiently waited for me. This is a new thing for me. I feel almost like a normal parent.

Anyway, it's been over two months since I've posted one of these. I jot down little notes about the things you're doing, but then the next week you're onto something new. It almost seems silly to write about the things you conquered a month or two ago because those things are old news as of this writing. But here's a partial list of the things I'd made notes about in the last two months:

~ started giving kisses, started standing alone, started imitating (you crawled up to me while I was cleaning the bathtub and with an old toothbrush in your hand, stuck it in and moved your hand back and forth in a scrubbing motion).

~ says hi and waves

~ you're practicing your "mamamama" sound, and did the mother sign tonight

~ pats her belly when you say "where's sabine's belly?"

~ loves her socks, carries them around, chews on them (she always has to have someone's socks in her hands when she's crawling around the house).

~ signs: more, nurse

~ stands alone for a few seconds

~acts like you are freaking killing her when you get her dressed or change her diaper

~ still not that into eating, can't figure out how to get her mouth open to let you put the spoon in.

~ loves to dance and shake music-makers

~ lately you've been falling asleep with an object - bottle of lotion, plastic spoon - we try to take it away after you are asleep but you have a death grip on it.

~ loves animals.

~ gives kisses.

~ points to things or people and calls them out, "eh, eh, eh!"

~ you have a word for dad, dogs, and Jacob

You have this deep sense of belonging. When one of your 'people' (that is anyone to whom you associate belonging to or with) is too far away you point to them and call out. You do this especially with Jacob, like if we're at a playground and he's all the way on the other side, you seem unsettled, "Eh, eh, eh, eh." you say. You've seemed to pick up on the idea that when we're in public or wide open spaces, we stick together. Pack mentality? I don't know, but we think it's cute. I joked around one day and called us your entourage. Daddy piped up and said, "No, her network." Yeah, we're your 3G network.

Then there's the stuff where you've been this flurry of activity that I wrote about yesterday. For some reason I can't quite put words to what it's like. To say the least, it is very, very difficult to keep up with you! Maybe next month I'll find the words because I have a feeling that the next time I write one of these you'll be walking.

Oh right, you finally popped some teeth! The date I put in your baby book for the first 'eruption' put you at 9 months and 4 days. That's 5 days sooner than Jacob's. You're hitting all your milestones within days of when Jacob did the same things as a baby. Last week was your second tooth.
And now I've run out of other things, I must put in the part about how friggin beautiful you are. Really, you are stunning. But you don't really look like a baby so much, you look like this little girl. You have a tiny head, with dainty features, and you're so skinny. But really, everyone says so. I can't even put words to it. Just see for yourself:

Sabine, when I was little I had one of those beta fish, the ones that are so pretty, but don't last long - Elizabeth, I named her. One day out of the blue she died and my mom explained that beautiful things don't last. This is how I feel when I'm holding you. I'm afraid that you're so perfect and beautiful that there's no way this can last. I feel the greatest happiness of my life and the most terrible fear all at once. And I feel like the only way to keep you safe is to just keep holding you because nothing can happen to you while you're in my arms, that maybe with all that love there, there's no room for anything bad to get in.

Love,

Mommy