Dear Sabine: 4 Years Old

Dear Sabine,

Dear Sabine, Dear Sabine.....  Of my three kids, I have the most trouble buckling down to write about you.  You have such a dynamic personality.  Not to say your siblings don't, but there's just something...something...you change so fast from one minute to the next.  I have an idea of how I'm going to start, but by the time I make it to the computer, the dominating force has become something completely new.  I don't even know if that makes sense, or if it will even make sense to me five minute from now.  Maybe it's your age, maybe it's because you're the middle child, maybe it's just You.

I've said a lot lately that you have a Jeckle & Hyde personality, and that is certainly true.  You'll be this completely sweet creature, so loving and charming, a switch goes off, and you're a creature of another nature.  I think maybe you take after Daddy with your moods.  You each have two moods, one is preferable, and I have no idea how to access them.  You look like me though.  And I really like that.  All you kids look a lot alike, but Jacob and Summer definitely resemble each other, while you are a mini-mommy.

At this point in time you have a favorite person in the world, and it is not me.  That is crushing to me.  It is Daddy.  It's been like that for a long time, and I'm sure you guys will always have this special bond, but I remain hopeful that it's an age thing.  I remember when Jacob was your age, there was a time period when he wanted very little to do with me.  He outgrew it, and I don't remember much beyond that.  So I hope you outgrow it someday and come back to me a little.

It's scary for me though, because you are, like I said, a middle child.  I spent a lot of energy this past year (and even before Summer was born) feeling guilty about that.  By watching you kids I can start to see just how the dynamic with my brother and sister was formed, and I can see that the way I react in certain situations is because of my experiences in my family of origin.  I consider this a phenomenon of sorts.

I find it exciting and so very interesting that I get to watch your dynamics and relationships form, and through watching it, I gain so much insight into my own place in the family, and in the greater community.  This is something that is really important to me, something I look forward to experiencing more in the future.  I feel lucky that I've been able to bring this level of awareness to my parenting experience, because based on conversations with other parents I know, I don't think this is something very many of them have consciously voiced like that.

Up until this point in my post I haven't really written too much about you.  I guess I find it easier to warm up by talking about the ways you have changed me.  I used to read these posts back to myself before I wrote another one so that I could 'keep track' of things I've said or 'pick up' where I left off.  I know better now though.  I know I'll be more honest in my writing, and if things are unknowingly repeated then it will serve to emphasize that part of your being.  See there I am writing about myself again.

Dear Sabine:  You are a maelstrom of energy.  Be it good or bad, your energy, your moods, your words come out loud and resonate long.  You have a strong, stubborn spirit that gets you in to trouble in our house, but will serve you well in the world.  You've always been maternal, like a little caretaker.  I can remember saying that about you before Summer was born.  You'd do little things for Jacob to take care of him, or look out for him.  You'd report on what he was doing, maybe boss him a little bit, as if you weren't five years younger than him.  Now you tell him you're going to put him in time out if he does such-and-such a thing to you!

All you kids are stubborn, just as me and my siblings are, but I have to say that as this point it's looking like you may be the most stubborn.  If I have to discipline you in some way, say you have to sit in time out for a few minutes, when I go to get you out of there, you won't talk to me, you won't move, you just stay there on the step like that's where you wanted to be all along.  Sometimes you'll be in a mood, and maybe we know what it is you want (but we need you to say it aloud), or maybe we don't know what it is, but if you don't feel like talking, then you're not making a peep.  This is in stark contrast to your Other Mood, the one where you Don't Stop Talking For Anything.  Or if we're eating dinner, and there's some kind of after-meal treat.  Well if you don't want to eat any more of your food, there's no tempting you with ice cream or whatever.  You just sit there watching everyone else enjoying it, and act like you never wanted it to begin with.

You do eat a ton of food.  Mostly you eat a lot in the morning, and then you eat a 'second breakfast', and then you're hungry again before lunch.  But then at dinner time we can hardly get you to eat a few bites.  You're really skinny, to the point where Daddy and I are getting a little worried.  But you are so, so active.  You take gymnastics class all year long, and after about a six week pause for summer vacation, you've just started to tell me you really miss it and can't wait to go back.  So we'll do a few classes in the remaining weeks of summer.  You've watched a lot of the olympics with us these past couple weeks.  We let you stay up late to watch the gymnastics because we think, you never know...

In the past few months you've started to express a strong liking for the color pink.  I am not so happy about this.  For maybe the past year we've been clashing over the clothes you wear.  It's not that I don't like the things you wear, but I want you to wear all the clothes you have in your closest, and you would prefer to wear the same favorites day after day.  This is just like your brother was and still is and I think to myself, "Again??"  I would love to have a kid who just lets me dress them.  And the accessories!  You've always loved accessories.  Currently you wear your watch, your soccer band and your silly bands.  Sometimes you like to wear sunglasses, but not so much a hat lately.  You used to always love to wear your John Deere baseball hat.

You can't wait to start playing soccer and t-ball.  You're very good at mini-golf for a four year old.  Pretty much any sport you play, we realize you're awesome at.  You've got a six-pack of abs that I am so jealous of.  You come up with the funniest things to say, without even trying to be funny.  You really impress MamMa and Papa with the things you say.  I don't have any great sound bites at my disposal right now...I'll have to think of some and put them in the comments section later.

You have certain routines and things you like to make sure to see when we're on the road.  When Daddy leaves for work in the morning, you like to give him "A hug, a kiss and a high five."  It's the only proper start to your day.  In the car, you love to always spot horses.  You've got to see some horses at some point on our ride.  You coined the phrase Cars On Top for the big car carriers that we see headed to dealerships.  OJ and yogurt are still your favorite drink and food, respectively. 

Of all your favorite things, music is your favorite favorite thing.  If you could, you'd have music on all day long.  Thanks to Sabine, we all have every single current country song committed to memory.  This was one of the first things I learned about you when you were a baby, that music calmed you, or just in general that you loved music.

At some point early this year, I developed the tantrum deposit box and placed it at the front door.  For a while I'd say it worked, and for a bit we were without huge tantrums.  Then the tantrums came back, and they last a long time and it really sucks.  The only good thing I can say about the tantrums is that when you're not having one, I don't really think about them that much.  And boy do I wish you could stop napping.  You'd love to stop napping, I would really love to stop having you nap, but there's just no way we can get away from it on most days.  Without a nap, that Other Mood comes around.  The mood where everything turns to eggshells and everyone's main goal in life is to not step on one of Your Eggshells.  It takes you between one and three hours for you to fall asleep for a nap, or to fall asleep for the night.  Even when you're exhausted.  When I have some spare time (ha) I will try to fix your sleeping problem.

For all your stubbornness and bravado, you are a little softy inside.  There's lots of things that you're afraid of and lots of ways your a so sweet.  Soon we'll be selling this house, the one that you kids were born into.  I'm afraid you're not going to remember the place where all of your life up until this point has happened.  That's a subject for another post.

 A couple weeks ago I was laying next to you in bed, reflecting on the time gone by and thinking about the day you were born.  My most clear memory of that day was when they handed you to me.  I looked in your eyes and I thought, oh, I know you; you're the one I was waiting for all this time.  I hope no matter how much times goes by, that I can still have those moments where I look in your eyes and know you belong to me.  And I hope you know that I'll always wait for you.


Love,

Mommy

Dear Sabine: 3 Years

Dear Sabine,

      You are three years old!  I can't believe it!  And I'm writing this letter just one short month since you've turned three.  Last year it took me two months after your birthday to take official '2 year old' photos, so I think this is an improvement.  Plus we've got a lot going on in our family life right now.  We are, of course, about the become a party of five.  This baby waiting period has been a very long wait for you because you are just so super excited about the "baby coming over."  That is how you put it and how you've been saying ever since you found out.  It literally will be any day now, so it's hard to think about anything in our lives without thinking of it in terms of the baby, but I'll try.

So you are three, and three is proving to be harder than two was.  You love to have you some major tantrums these days.  Major Tantrums.  They last and they are mean.  And then you are done and you apologize and things are back to normal.  I'm finding it easier to ride them out than I may have if you were my first child.  I know a little more about what I'm doing this time.

This past year has been very full.  You started gymnastics in September and you really hit the ground running with that.  You absolutely love it and have always been happy to go to class.  And you are absolutely talented in the sport.  Miss Beth has taken you on as her class pet, and other people sometimes joke that they'll look for you in the Olympics in a decade or so.  At home you're constantly practicing handstands and cartwheels, or showing your various jumps on our bed.

Another thing you spend a lot of time doing is swinging on the swings in the backyard.  You like your daddy to push you on the swings whenever he is home.  He says that you could spend hours just swinging away without wanting to stop.  I tried to take photos of you swinging with him one day, and I found that I could not capture the essence of this activity.  It's a silent, serene activity, with only the creek of the swing making noise, and it is so peaceful to watch you guys out there in your spots.  Daddy's spent so much time in his position behind your swing that he's worn foot marks into the lawn.

Then there's the talking.  The Talking and the Asking of Questions.  It doesn't stop.  You don't stop talking - until we're out of the house and around other people.  They don't believe you can even talk.  One little girl at Playschool asked me at the end of the school year if you speak Spanish.  I asked her why she wanted to know that and she explained that she didn't think you spoke our language since she'd never heard you talk!  

I'm all for having kids ask questions to learn things, and I'm a big believer in the philosophy that there are no dumb questions, but I believe with you, in one year, I have reached my lifetime quota of answering questions.  You always want to know what time it is.  I don't think the time on a clock is even a thing to a three year old yet, but for some reason you always want to know what time it is.  So I've taken to using these as teaching moments, "Well, it's dark out and we're getting ready for bed," or, "You know that number right there, and this one is a seven, so what time do you think it is?" or, "Since you just asked that question 30 seconds ago and I told you it was 8:32, then what time do you think it is now?"

You also want to know how things got their names.  I don't mean proper names, I just mean words of things.  "Why's it called a broom?", "Why's it called grass?"  Etc, etc, etc.  I tell you I don't know and suggest that when you grow up you should become a linguist.  I feel very bad that I can't answer these questions.

In addition to asking questions, you love to talk about what you'll do for the new baby when it comes over.  You'll let it wear this, you'll help it do that, you'll love it so much.  

You tell 'tall tales' already.  How does this happen?  How does a three year old know how to lie already?  It makes it very hard for me when you are Jacob are each telling me something different.  Now that both of you know how to fabricate stories and play around with words, I can never figure out who to believe.  I know I should just let the two of you duke it out yourselves, but I feel like there's still too much of an age difference to leave you to fend for yourselves when it comes to sibling rivalry.  Jacob is too much bigger than you that he could really do some damage, and you're young enough that you're still learning the rules of sharing and other forms of proper behavior.

It's hard to talk or think about you or Jacob, without including the other because you are so close with each other that there's really no aspects of your lives that the other isn't intimately involved with or at least effected by.  I like it this way, I like that you are so close to each other.  Though I have to admit that it has been very hard these past few weeks since Jacob's been out of school because you always want to be right there with each other.  It's not often that you can be found doing separate activities.  And you play so much together that the fights just don't seem to end.  So I find that I've learned something very valuable about myself as a mother recently:  I realize that I experience boundless highs by observing you two interact and be loving to each other, but I think I like you better when I'm spending one-on-one time with either you or your brother.  This is an ironic revelation to have as we're about to add a third child to our family because now it will be even harder to get this one-on-one time, but I guess it is important to know and will also help as our family grows.

Oh, Sabine, Sabine...it seems I have hardly touched the surface of who you are.  I haven't gotten into any specifics of how we spend our days, or what your favorites are, or funny things you've said, but I guess I'm going to have to start trusting that these things that make up the essence of you won't disappear just because I haven't put them in writing.  I'll have to start trusting more people to remember these things for me, and hope that all the pictures I take have captured our day-to-day goings on sufficiently. There are some pictures I'm putting in here, in no particular order (because I don't have the time to mess around with it), which are some of my favorites of you this past year.  You are beautiful - a 23 lb ball of hilarious, compassionate energy.  You're very good at observing people and anticipating their needs.  You love to go get stuff for us and you know what you like.  Your favorites still seem to be orange juice and yogurt, along with anything sweet like cotton candy and ice cream.  And I love you to death.

Love, 

Mommy

 

 

Dear Sabine: January 28, 2011

Dear Sabine,

You are something else these days.  You still won't talk much around people who aren't in your immediate circle, yet at home you won't shut up.  You long ago had the phase where you picked up a new word each day.  Now you're repeating everything you hear, and as soon as you've heard a word once, that's all it takes for it to become part of your vocabulary.

A while back, maybe six months ago or so, we joked about you having a few catch phrases so that if you were once of those dolls who had a pull cord, you'd go through a cycle of about four or five phrases each time the string was pulled.  You said, "Red, stop!  Green, bo!"; When you pulled your shirt over your head you'd says, "I con't seeeee."  If you were eating something and one of the dogs came near you, you claimed that, "A puppy tried a eat my ood."

These days one of my favorite things to get you to say is "Hallo Thomas" in a British accent.  And since you're repeating a lot of things you hear us say, you've taken to using the exclamation, "Oh my od!" replacing God with od.  You love learning different signs (ASL) from me.  Currently turtle is your favorite, as well as the 'I love you' sign.  You love telling all your people that you love them as you sign it.

You're starting to really enjoy coloring in your coloring book.  You love naming the different colors and pointing them out as you see them in the world.  Right now you get very excited about green, and then go on to list "red and orange and white and black," as your favorite colors.  You like to point out when you see ABC's anywhere, and you're beginning to recognize numbers too.

You act like such a little mommy sometimes, going upstairs to 'check on Jeje' if he's been up there for too long without hearing from him.  If I tell Jacob to do something, you'll follow him around repeating what I said for him to do until he does it.  And you always make sure each of the animals has been fed or let out.

You have a deep need to make sense of things, to know why, to know the process of things.  You always want to know what each and every noise was; of passing cars, of any knocking noise that you hear.  Many things in your world are categorized into 'baby' or 'big'.  You have a baby (pinky) finger, there are baby (small) puppies (dogs).  Basically anything small is baby and anything not small is big.

Your favorite foods are still orange juice and yogurt.  You pretend a lot now, talking to yourself when you line up the Bob the Builder machines.  Lining those machines up is the activity you engage in the most.  And of course you love watching Bob videos.  You still carry Little Baby around, but just in the last couple weeks I've realized that you're asking for her a little less when she's missing.  Three or so days will go by before finding her becomes critical.  

In June you'll turn three; you're looking forward to being able to chew gum and recently you announced you want to ride a horse, so we've told you for your birthday you can ride a horse.  You're also looking forward to becoming a big sister in July.  I know you'll be an awesome helper and a great big sister.  I hope you'll always be my little girl though.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Jacob, Dear Sabine

Dear Jacob,

It seems like lately every night when the day is coming to an end or you've just fallen asleep, I start to think about the day and feel bad for being too hard on you. I feel like that most days, and I'm so sad for it. We're constantly butting heads, and I'm always walking on eggshells around you. We have really awesome times in between all that, but the rough patches somehow always creep back in.

There are multiple theories from multiple people, but I guess sometimes it just comes down to a normal part of growing up. After a certain fight has passed and I've had time to reflect I usually come up with something that feels a little like a revelation and gives me hope. In the past, I've decided we had too much time together and we needed a break, or we didn't have enough alone time with each other. I've come to the conclusion that you're bored, or we've been home too much, not home enough, etc.

This time I've realized that you and Sabine hardly ever get away from each other. Even when you're away from me, you're usually together. And even though you get along really, really well, I think it's starting to become too much, because, yes, Sabine has become an extremely (at times) annoying two year old. So I realized the other day when she took a really long nap, and you played for two hours straight with your little animals and did voices for them, had them set up all around the house, that you don't get to play like that anymore - completely uninterrupted and in your own world because Sabine is always butting in. This realization didn't come too late, but I wish it had come a little sooner in the summer.

I've learned so much from being your mom, I'm sorry sometimes it takes me a while to catch on. When you were Sabine's age I discovered the way to get you to do things was to pretend that we were animals, you the baby and me the mommy, and we would pretend our way through what we needed to do. When you got a little older, I figured out I just had to use a funny voice or accent and you'd do what I wanted. These are techniques I'll surely use on Sabine, thanks for helping me learn them!

You're starting first grade in a couple weeks and I am incredibly sad to see you go. You're so excited about school. I think the time away from me and Sabine will do you good, but sometimes I wish it could be just you and me again.


Dear Sabine,

I started a post for you way back before you turned two in June. I was including things like how many words you used and different milestones. I never finished it and now none of it really matters because you are a completely different person. There is so much about you, I never know where to start. These days you can get pretty annoying. You talk a lot when we're at home, but hardly ever around other people. Even though you're talking more now, I still think of you as a kid who doesn't talk yet. Maybe it's because so much of your communication is through gestures and signs, and more of your personality comes out in that way.

You're definitely a caretaker, always worrying about what the animals and if they've been fed, or where they are in the house. You really look out for Jacob, sometimes acting like a little shepherdess, herding him to me when I'm trying to get his attention. You are a little boss. You like to point things out to us and you like everyone in the room to see what it is and comment on it.

You're also really cute and cuddly, maybe just slightly less snuggly than Jacob, but that's only because he is the king snuggling. You really like to read books with us now. I love this, the three of us sitting there reading books, it's just started to become a thing. You are really going to miss Jacob when he's in school. I'm looking forward to seeing how we traverse through our days with him gone.

Anyway, the two of you are right here next to me now, and in this moment it's mostly Jacob who won't be quiet. He's talking about something random - wanting a box of poison. He's trying to get a reaction from me - and he just won't stop. So I have to end this before it goes sour.

I don't think I'm going to try to do anymore of these posts (even though it's been several months anyway) because it's too stressful to capture all the dimensions of you guys in writing. Maybe I'll come back to it someday.

I do, however, want to post these pictures I just took of the two of you. I had this #2 that a lot of the kids in our club have had in their possession for their second birthday, and I couldn't pass it along yet because I hadn't taken your picture next to it with your birthday dress on. I'd been meaning to all summer, and decided that today was perfect because you're two years, two months and two days old today. So before I put you in your jammies, I put you in that dress that will still probably be your birthday dress next year, and we took pictures. You got really into it, as did Jacob. The pictures are so cute, I'm going to post as many as I can so that I can remember how cute and loving you guys can be!

Love,

Mommy

Dear Sabine: Many months of you

Dear Sabine,

I have been completely remiss. You have gone through stage after stage of development and I have failed to record what's been going on. You picked up habits and dropped them in favor of other activities, but mostly you have kept those habits because I am your mother, and you are my child and we share the same obsessive-compulsive gene. And that is the reason why I can't just write up a Dear Beanie post and be done with it in a timely manner. It has to be perfect, because you are perfect. And anything written about you must reflect your perfectness. Right?

Anyway, here I am at 11pm a couple days after you have turned 19 months. It's 11pm, and guess what? You and Jacob are both next to me. You are both awake. You were actually asleep for the night many hours ago, but then woke up and leaving it in the hands of Daddy, you never went back to sleep. You guys are eating Annie's Bunnie cereal and being so cute together that I am questioning the logic behind bedtimes.

I've been trying to gear myself up to write this post for a month now, since you turned 18 months, you know, the beginning of toddlerhood. It's been hard because I put so much pressure on myself. I want it to be a perfect reflection of what our days are like. I isolate myself, get all hopped up on caffeine, and mentally prepare to hunker down and get some words out. But then I just end up cleaning the house or playing with you guys. Tonight I thought you were in bed for the night so I am giving it another go.

Anyway, Sabine, here are some thoughts I've had over the past 4 or 5 months. It's not at all what I'd like it to be, it hardly taps the surface of who you are. One thing I can say you're not is a baby. You've never been a baby. I've said that before, but it's true. I'm finding that with Jacob leading the way and setting all kinds of bad examples, you are getting into much more sophisticated trouble than he did at this age. Maybe not though, it's so hard to judge what things are really different and what things just seem different because he was my first and I didn't yet have a bar upon which to judge his behaviors. What I do know though, is that for you, the sun rises and sets with Jacob. You would follow him to the ends of the Earth. You just adore him and follow him around copying whatever he does. If you fall and end up crying, Jacob is just as likely to come running as Daddy and I are. He really loves taking care of you.

Last week was a rough night with you, as it sometimes is. Daddy and I had basically given up and you were just sitting in bed crying your face off. We always wonder how Jacob sleeps through your midnight tantrums, but on this night he actually woke up. He crawled to the middle of the bed where you were and scooped you up. You clung on to him and stopped crying. The two of you just sat there snuggled, and then I don't remember what happened, but I do remember thinking that is the reason for having kids, for moments like that, and that all the trouble you both have caused over the years, it was absolved in that moment. All the hours of being awake in the night, all the times I thought my blood pressure would go so high that my head would explode, all the times I longed to be a singleton back in college, they were all wiped away and I was simply the proudest mother in the world.

Well, I should leave it at that and just go to bed, but here you are still awake, nursing, and you stopped for a minute to whisper, "Hi Moooommmy" and give a little wave. Lord God, you are the cutest thing. I'm sure it's coming, but in this moment I can't imagine a day when you'll drive me mad with frustration and anger. Right now you're still cute and cuddly.

Well, that was a good week and and a half ago. Apparently something drastic must have happened and I stopped writing, but before I did I jotted down some short-hand things I could think of that describe how you've been spending the days. Here they are:

you play hide and seek, you count 3, 5, 3, 5 with your eyes covered

ALWAYS, ALWAYS have loved music, since you were a tiny baby it is the thing that calmed you in the car, and it still does. You just love music, any kind, you will start swaying from side to side whenever it comes on, completely stop what you are doing.

when you want us to come you pat your leg like you've seen us do for the dogs to come.

So that was toward the end of January. Before that I added to the post with these sort-hand paragraphs:

starting to collect little treasures. today Jacob had a lollipop at the dr's office and you latched on to his wrapper. you held that thing for an hour and when I tried to take it out of you hand so I could wash them, you freaked out. only calmed down when I gave it back. you were so proud of it. I see bits of scrap ribbon, random pieces of junk procured from the side of the road, tiny rocks and old toy car tires in your future. Thankfully, I'll have a couple more years before you start remembering these objects the next day after you've collected them, but after that, I expect you'll start filling the house with crap like that and not letting me get rid of it.

loves the dogs and rabbits, and animals, wants to hold them - puts out arms and squeaks high-pitched.

weighed 17 lbs at 13 months.

come running if you hear a wrapper because you think it's food and you want to mooch.

at gymnastics when we're watching Jakie's class you hold your own weight by hanging on a bar. you do forward rolls all over the place, they are in perfect form too.

when the dogs bark you go to the front door, you call them by tapping on your leg and doing the high-pitched voice.

Before that I had started writing the post for you, which was titled 15 Months. That would have been maybe around September?

You pinch us on purpose and then go "oush" for ouch

you have a deep sense of order...constantly picking things up and either putting them where they belong, or urge us to put them away. Or something that belongs to someone, like Jacob's hat, you want it on his head.

baby yoga still, look up and wave with both hands to show of...sometimes do it into a perfect forward roll. I can't believe a baby can do that!

routine at bedtime, I nurse you, daddy takes you upstairs to bounce on the yoga ball.

you love reading your little books - the animal book.

the thing you do with your arms when you're looking for something.

the thing you do when I finish putting your hair up.

"mimi" for Beanie?

you love being groomed - having your nails clipped, hands washed, putting socks ans shoes on.

you know about moving stools around to places up high in which you wish to get to.

you call all animals 'doggie'

At some point I added this stuff, but it doesn't appear to be in order. I guess this was when you turned 18 months just before Christmas.

18 months and 18 lbs

wants everything hung on the coat rack, loves order, arranges peoples' shoes everywhere we go.

little gymnast.

love wearing your winter hat, if daddy has his on, you have to have yours on. if I have my slippers on, you have to have yours on - and the same goes for if we take them off.

And this brings us to the present, I am dating this one incase I don't actually finish it in this moment like I am promising myself. For the record, it is 2/5/10. You and Jacob are being little pains in the butt now but I am trying my hardest to be a bad mother and tune you out! Thank God for Jacob because he finally got you to shut up by going to get crayons and something to color. Before that you were doing random things but shouting "Mommy! Mommy, mooommy! Mommy, Mommy!" Cuz that's all you basically say. You see something interesting, Mommy! You want something down, Mommy! You have something in your mouth and you want me to catch you, Mommy! Etc, etc. Sometime I think you just shout mommy mommy to be annoying. We ask you to identify someone in a photograph, Mommy!

Here's some other things that cause you to shout Mommy: Seeing a school bus drive by. I don't know why, but they are one of your most favorite things in the world. Seeing the face of Thomas the Tank Engine. I think he's your favorite character. Seeing the dogs laying on the dog bed.

Here are your favorite things to do: Climb up and down the staircase in our house. You would do this non-stop if I let you. Find cardboard boxes, flip them on their sides and go down them like a slide. Visit the bunnies in the basement. Follow Jacob around the circle in the house, either on foot or on your little wooden horse while he's riding the Wheely Cow.

Favorite foods: Hands down, yogurt is your favorite food. Apples and pears, grapes, peas, pretzles. Dried cranberries, dried dates. Pea soup.

Quirks: At home sometimes you don't stop talking or making noise, but when we're out, you don't say a word. People think you can't talk. And then there's the most outstanding thing about you, the thing we can't imagine you ever outgrowing - you obsessiveness. It started with the winter hats. If someone has their hat on, you have to have yours on and vice versa. It's grown to include everyone present. Last night at dinner you had a meltdown because you decided it was time to take off your striped winter hat (thanks Katie) and so Daddy and I took ours off, but Jacob would not take his off. The scene didn't end well. The shoes, they have to be perfectly lined up. At gymnastics you go around lining up other peoples' shoes and I just have to explain to them how their shoes got all the way over there because woe to the person who tries to put them back where they came from. And then there's the slippers, we put them on and off 20 times a day. And that's branched out to socks too. If I have socks on, you must as well, even if my socks are hidden inside my slippers. Oh my God, I could write all day about the things you are compulsive about. Infact maybe I will write a post just about that. I don't know what to make of this OCD. Is it a developmental phase? Are you really crazy like me? One thing is for sure, you're lucky to have been born to me because most other parents probably wouldn't put up with your shit. But I get it and I try to be as sensitive and understanding about it as I can.

OK, I'm thinking of some more things now. Things you love: Giving kisses, birds, any animal basically, school buses. Watching trucks go by the house. The snow, being outside. Stripes. Coloring, eating, lining things up and putting things where they belong. Glowy the gloworm, Velvet the bunny and Baby Honey. Going somewhere, getting outerwear on, putting on your own hat and gloves (which you do perfectly). Helping to cook and bake, taking baths, trees. Using your signs to tell us what you want (you use about 30 signs - some you made up on your own).

Despite your lack of speech, you're a very good communicator. You don't talk much, but that's fine by us for now. MamMa says that adds to your charm. You are so incredibly active, agile and talented with moving your body through space that we consider that your forte and the rest will come when it's ready.

I think this is the longest post in the history of my blog, and it's probably very confusing, but actually, the order of my words might very well be a better reflection of what it's like experiencing Sabine than any actual words I could ever use would be. Does that sentence make any sense? Too bad, I know what I'm trying to say. Someday I'll explain it to you.

Dear Sabine: Months 13 & 14

Dear Sabine,

It seems like just last week that I was at the grocery store with you as a tiny newborn, all the little old ladies oogling over you. You were a mere week old and I was so proud to be going to the store with you all by myself, much less walking. How did over a year go by already? How can one little person grow so much in such a short span of time? In 14 rapidly passing months you've blossomed into this little person. You totally understand everything we say to you, and you love going to do the things we ask you to do; throw something in the garbage, go get the phone, where'd you put your socks?
As I sit down to finally finish writing this post, you're already almost 15 months old, so don't expect me to have another one for quite a while. I wish I could keep to the once-a-month post, but with two of you kids now, it's been impossible. The most encompassing remark I can make about you to this date is that you are so funny and quirky. You're really fitting into our family quite well. I'd feel sorry for any baby who came to live in this house and was not well-equipped with a sense of humor.
We have family rumbles at any given moment of the day. One of us will start it, give a certain look, make a certain noise and everyone else is like, game on. No one can resist it. Then the jumping onto one another begins, the tickling, play wrestling, and the hiding and racing around the house. You really mess Jacob up when you play with him. You splash him in the bath, lunge at him when you're in a funny mood, and lately you've been taking to biting people! Bath time is always a favorite, you and Jacob both feed off of each other so much. When it's just one of you in the bath, as it sometimes is, things tend to get a little boring.
But you're really lucky to have ended up with Jacob as a big brother. He really is great with you. He loves you so much, and I think you idolize him in your baby way. If you fall and get hurt, and Jacob's the closest person to you, he'll scoop you up and you cling to him, both of you patting one anothers' backs. You both request hugs and kisses from each other at random times during the day. You are a good kisser. You'll walk up to a loved on, lean in close to them waiting for a response and then you give a perfect baby kiss. Sometimes you're in a particularly loving mood and you'll go around the room kissing everyone there repeatedly. It's so rewarding to one of those people!
You've got clear likes about things, but it's harder to pin down things you don't like. You love music, breaking into dance when you hear just a few notes. In the car I'm usually able to calm you down with some kind of music if you're getting fussy. You like putting funny things on your body, and hiding in tiny places. You'll call us into the room to show off an accomplishment. And you love your belly button. I've probably written about that before, but you do love it. You poke your little finger in it, and if someone in another room happens to say the word 'belly' in a sentence, you start struggling to get to your belly button so you can make sure it's still there. If you're wearing a onesie and can't find your belly, then that is a problem which we must fix for you.

And Sabine, you are quite obsessed with shoes. Particularly Crocs. I don't know why, I think they're hideous. I first noticed it when I was in the mall looking for a new pair of shoes to go with a dress for the wedding in Virginia. This was before you were a year old. I was holding you and walked past the shoe section and you almost jumped out of my arms tyring to get to the shoe racks. You pointed out all the shoes you liked and I handed them to you so you could just stare at them in wonder. From that point on it was a full-blown obsession. You a hold of someone's shoes, and it's hard to get them back when it's time to leave. You really like wearing your shoes. One of the first commands you started understanding was, "Sit down so I can put your shoes on." I really should write more about your shoes obsession because it is something that clearly consumes a lot of your brain energy, but I'll just leave it at that.
Some cute tricks you've developed include clicking your tongue and little grunting noises you make, like fake madness when we're playing around and rough-housing. You do a couple cute tricks with your mouth, one being the tongue flapping thing where it makes a sound like "blahlalablahlalalala" - oh dear, I have no better way to describe it! You also do the thing with you mouth open making the 'ahhh' sound so that when someone pats you on the mouth it mimics what people associate with Indians. Jacob taught you that one, I think. You give high fives too. And you have a humorous little scowl you give people before breaking into a smile.

You were starting to say a lot of words in the early part of the summer, but that pretty much stopped at that point and you took up the more physical aspect of your development. You now pretty much say "Mom" or "Mama" or something variation of that) for everything because you know, if I'm not standing right before you in plain sight then what is life worth living? You do follow me around endlessly. It's like all your words are now going to evolve from some version of Mama. There's different versions of it, and as the days pass we can see they're becoming more distinct, but it's so hard to tell. One day we'll think a word means one thing, and then the next day we'll decide, no, she's just looking for me again, checking up on what I'm doing. Maomoa kind of seems like 'more'. maimai, kind of sounds like 'mine' - I realize these are very bad phonetics here. It's like you're learning about everything in the world in terms of how it applies to the place you came from (me). Oh, and speaking of that, you have five teeth now, and you're finally able to eat some normal table food.

And speaking of eating, you ate hot dried hot peppers a few weeks ago. There'a little container of them in with the spices and no matter how many times I tell you not to eat stuff like that, you don't want to listen, because you know, you're a baby. So one day I was making dinner in the kitchen and you started gagging right behind me. I turned around and was immediately frightened because your face was beat red. It took me just half a second to see (from the amount of them on your face and around your feet) that it wasn't because you were choking, but because you put a handful of the peppers in your mouth and they were HOT! That'll teach you to keep putting inappropriate things in your mouth. In the picture below, that's dirt on your face because you were eating it.
A lot of people say that their kids are complete opposites of one another, but I have to say that overwhelmingly you are just like Jacob. There's some differences, but as a whole, you're the same kid of kid - sweet and loving, funny and quirky, smart and responsible, but also with a streak of trouble-maker and boundless energy.

At times your curiosity gets the best of you. Experimenting with gravity is a favorite pastime. For instance, there was the time last month you took a couple glass bottles from the shopping cart at the grocery store while I was putting the empties into the return machine and you smashed them onto the floor, breaking both bottles. That was embarrassing.
You do like to clean up though, and I can see the developing sense of order in your little baby brain by the way you like to have things arranged. Already you're helping with the laundry, taking it from the basket of dirty things and putting it into the washing machine. And approximately 45 minutes later you accompany me back downstairs to take them from the washer to the dryer. You know the drill and you like helping out. It's the same story with the dishwasher. We've been doing an assembly line lately: You pull things out of the dish washer and hand them to Jacob. He stacks them into the right piles and then hands me the stack to put in the cupboard.
One day I'd had two DVD's by the front door, waiting to be returned to the library. At one point in the day I'd noticed you messing around in the spot where we keep our own DVD's next to the TV. Later on when I saw that the videos on the shelf were messed up I went to straighten them out but couldn't get them all the fit back in the way they'de been. I finally realized there were two extra movies there - the ones from the library. You'd found them and traveled halfway around the house to put them back in order!
Not only do you like things in order, but apparently you like them clean as well because I'll often find you digging into the wipes container or kleenex box to retrieve one and then set to work rubbing the floor or some other surface you've seen me cleaning in the past.
For all the good you do around the house though, you certainly like to cause a ruckus from time to time. Most instances of damage are from the aforementioned 'Gravity Game', as I call it, but a lot of the heart-stopping moments don't necessarily results in permanent structural alteration to the house, they just really alarm us. The thing is, just like your brother, you are a climber. You've been doing it for many, many months. Even months before you were walking, you were already scaring us with your climbing. It's hard to keep track of children like you, the ones who are so tiny and quiet in their stealth-like way. It's a good thing we never bothered with a crib, because that wouldn't have kept you down. You like to climb the baby gates, the couch, the back of the couch, the cupboards, stairs, and you're proficient at going back down them as well.
But most of all, it's utterly thrilling to see the way that you care about the people around you, and the animals in your life. You've started sitting on a ball to bounce just like that way we do with you on the yoga ball, showing us that the things we do out of love have value to you. And last month I watched you climb into the little bed, grab Baby Honey and start to sway and pat her back, mimicking what we do with you. It was then that I realized the emerging person I thought you were becoming already has a rightful place in the world with your own sense of right and wrong, and that your father and I are on the right track in raising loving children who will be the future good people of the world. That knowledge alone is worth is all the trouble this parenting business have ever given us.

Dear Sabine: Month 12

Dear Sabine,

You turned the big 1 on Monday. We celebrated with a party on Saturday where we had close friends and family over. The weather was hot and muggy, then turned to rain. I said no way were you having cake because you hadn't earned it, with your little nibbles of baby cereal and Cheerios. No way was I going to give you a taste of sugar before you'd even developed a taste for the healthy things. But I let you have your first strawberry, and boy did you love it.

The real party happened in Daddy's office on your actual birthday. We had to get an oil change on the van so I'd dropped Daddy off at work and then later we'd gone in to pick him up. The day before Stella had brought over a small cake (presumably left over from her church that morning) and I instantly told Daddy to get it out of the house so I wouldn't eat it. Well Jacob remembered that cake and did a little snooping in Daddy's office. He found it and none of us could resist. We sat there in Daddy's office and shared one plastic fork dug from the back of a drawer and ate the entire thing - all four of us, including you! When we were done there was frosting smeared all over his desk and chocolate crumbs dug into his carpet. I thought to myself, now that's a birthday celebration worthy of our family. Nothing we ever do is within the realm of 'normal'.

For your birthday party, the 'formal' one where we had guests and such, you wore a frilly dress with pink flowers. Everyone was aghast that I would dress you in such an outfit, knowing full-well that I despise dressing you like an actual girl. But that was a special dress. I bought that dress two years ago in Colorado Springs when we were on our cross country trip. I spent more money on it than I would spend on a pair of shoes for myself, but when I saw it I knew that it was Sabine's dress. I wasn't even pregnant yet, but I knew a little girl with little brown curls was coming my way and so I bought that dress in size 12 months. And then I waited for you.

Boy were you worth the wait. You are so much fun, you're at the age where you're learning something new every day. Recently it's been high fives, your nose discovery(which you like to grab and squeeze, then crack up), a couple weeks ago you found your belly button and figured to dig your little finger in it. You love to wave "Bye-bye", give kisses, and hide stuff under the couch and bed. Seriously, something will be missing for a week or two and then one day we'll discover it tucked away behind the bed skirt.

And guess what...you took four tiny steps a month ago, and then not again until the other day. Your birthday actually. I couldn't call it walking though. Not until Wednesday, two days after your birthday, did you decide to use your new-found skill as an actual form of locomotion. And now you just love walking, can't get enough of it. This is different than it was with Jacob; I remember everything with him being more gradual. There wasn't any one day I could identify as him doing x, y, z for the first time, I couldn't pin point his exact first word. But with you it's clear you have definite opinions about yourself. That's not to say Jacob isn't opinionated - he very much has a mind of his own.

Speaking of words, you have many, most of which are the kind a parent needs to translate, but they fit the definition of a word. Water (which you love drinking!), light, doggie, Ginger, Daddy, rabbit, touch it, gentle, Na-na (which is me, we're working on making it Mama). You use several ASL signs and a few I made up. Infact, there is a sign you use most often and it is one you made up yourself. Instead of the more sign you adapted it and use it, as best we can tell, to mean 'want'. You do your little "uh-uh" chimp noise to get our attention and then point to something and do your want sign. You do this over and over, sometimes loudly if you're really excited. It's really freaking cute.

Also right around your birthday you started eating some actual food. You still only have two little teensy teeth but I guess you just decided it was time. You have no idea have this has improved my daily living. It's opened up different wardrobe choices for me, and it means other people can feed you for a chance. It means you can be bribed and coaxed by little bits of crackers and such. You're still nursing like a maniac, but it's been nice to have you eating some food. I actually don't know your weight because your birthday came and went without me even making an appointment for you 12 month visit. We're going next week though and I don't expect you to be over 17lbs.

Other things have gotten easier with you as well. Diaper changes are not always a traumatic event, but you're still not crazy about them. The same goes for getting you dressed. The carseat is not the torture device it used to be. Infact, we even made it home from Camp in four hours a couple weeks ago because you stayed happy while awake in your carseat for over an hour. Not as much stuff is going in your mouth these days, and when you do have something inappropriate in your mouth, you're more likely to turn it over to the autorities willingly.

Ride-on toys and the water remain among your favorite things. A few weeks ago you actually tried to ride the canister part of the vacuum cleaner while I was vacuuming. You wiped out and then proceeded to do an instant replay showing me what happened when you fell off. Your little horsey is a favorite ride-on here at the house. You just push that things all over the house, going in circles and steering like a pro.

And I can say that you are a bonafide water lover. You love being in the water, playing around and getting wet. You love drinking water from a cup and cry when I say you've had to much. Yesterday you actually threw up in the car because you'd had the water bottle unsupervised and drank too much. And always with the climbing. Everyday it is a new thing you've climbed, a new danger, a few inches higher that I have to move the breakables. At Jacob's gymnastics recital you were doing flips on the bars (with Daddy's assistance) and hanging from them (with no assistance). I expect next year it will be impossible to keep you off the equipment.

Well Sabine, if your first year is any indicator of the kind of person you're going to become, I think you're going to grab life by the horns, drink it in with gusto, and then puke it back up just to make room for the next adventure. I'll gladly join you for the ride.

Love,

Mommy