Adventures In Playwriting, Entitled: I Used to Own a Video Camera

I came home from work tired but determined not to get into another big fight about any number of tiny details. It was difficult, to say the least, but my little family and I plowed through the tension to find a happy place where we could be in each others' presence and not be yelling. All of us have been having trouble in this department. It seems the longer this addition crap goes on, the smaller our house feels, yet the harder it is for our voices to be heard. I'm the biggest offender. I let my emotions take the lead. While I believe myself to be an extremely articulate person when it comes to emotions, I'm the first one to admit that the continual spillage of feelings can be a burden to both myself and my loved ones. Zach is more reserved; hardly ever losing his temper, instead balling it up to a deep place from which only invisible negativity can escape to build a sturdy wall of ice around his physical person.

So we were slowly getting ready to leave the house for sleigh riding, interspersed with some light playing. Jacob was cute and I video-taped him. Then he told me to stop using the video camera. He put the lens cap on and looked up at me with the eyes and asked if he could put the video camera away. I handed it over and didn't think twice about the job that lay before him, except to tell myself how lucky I was that I have a 3 year-old who I can trust with such an expensive piece of equipment. Zach and I had a rare couple of minutes to talk and be affectionate, then we called around the corner to Jacob who was in the bathroom with the water running. When he ignored Zach then gave a vague answer to my "What are you doing?", the red flag went up. I wandered into the bathroom and I can just see Zach rolling his eyes in response to my "Oh my God!" But this time was no small over-reaction. There, in the plugged-up sink, smeared with light green Dove hand soap lay the video camera.

Enter stage right: Insanity Mom (I.M.)

Stage directions: Insanity Mom takes two giants steps out of bathroom, hurls soaked video camera onto couch. Circles aimlessly twice, then opens front door and steps out barefoot, slamming door behind.

Inside the scene is blurry, but off to the right side we see I.M. sitting on the front steps, alternately shaking her head and then forcing it back down, temples to fists. It's clear she's mumbling something but the words can't be made out because cars behind her are speeding by.

End Scene.

Act II
It's later, could be the end of the day as it is now dark outside the bay window just left of center stage. Center stage is I.M. at the table, her computer awaiting the keystrokes. Just behind her to the left is the son, soundly sleeping on the couch lit with soft lighting. On the floor by his feet sits the family dog, chewing something I.M. is obviously not aware of. All that can be heard is the ticking of the clock, far stage right. Scenes 1-6 play out as flashbacks of different characters, narrated by the corresponding actor.

Scene 1: Family dog; Living Room
"Here comes that other person through the front door, I think her name is No because that's what she walks around saying everyday. I was hoping she was gone for good this time. I've been getting in the kid's face all week, making him whine real bad so his mom would get sick of it and just leave already...Yeah, then there would be room for me on the couch again. I might even get a spot in the bed. Right now she's hoping Dad is taking care of punishing the kid cuz she knows if she has to do it she's going to lose it. I'm a dog so I just know stuff like that. Oh yeah, there's Dad around the corner with that thing they rub all over my feet before I can come in the house from outside. He's wiping off that small black thing No is always holding up to her face. I'd like to chew that thing someday. Hey, there she goes up the stairs with Stopdoingthat, I think that's his name this week, they change it a lot. They usually laugh a lot when she picks him up like that, but she's moving pretty fast and all I hear is really loud words. Mom's hiding over there in the corner so Stopdoingthat must have done something real bad this time."

Scene 2: The Son; Top of the Stairs, Bedroom
"Haha! It's funny to stick my tongue out at Mommy when her face is real close to mine. Look, a tiny piece of my spit stuck to her cheek. OK, I guess we're moving now from the top of the stairs...that would be apparent by the fact that I'm quickly being lifted by my upper arms off the top step. Woohoo! Crash landing on the bed. Hey, next time Mommy says 'What were you thinking?' I'll say 'I don't know' and then when she asks me again I'll make up some crap story about Bob or one of his machines putting it there because hello I'm three and I'm too tired to even know what I was doing, let alone explain it you. Then when she tells me 'Don't talk back to me I'll go, 'Shut down!' and point at her. That did the trick, there she goes. It's boring up here, I think I'll go take all the books off the shelf. No way Mommy will know I did it because when she comes back up the stairs I'll run so fast into bed, no one will even hear my footsteps over my loud giggling. Uh-oh. I think I did something bad down there in the bathroom. Mom just swatted me on the toosh when I was waving my hands in her face. I mean, I've got pants on and everything so it didn't hurt, but she's never done anything like that. Mommy always says it is never ok to hit. I think I'm going to cry."

Scene 3: I.M.'s Own Mother; Kitchen
"Hello? "
Very long pause. The mother's facial expression changes several times.
"Well maybe when it dries out it will be ok."
Pause.
"I know how you feel, but you're not going to kill him."
Pause. Her mother holds the phone away from her ear and we hear yelling coming from the handset. "Jacob. Do not do that! You are in trouble here!" Door slams and that's the last sound heard from the phone.
"Kids do that, and you just have to keep telling them it's not ok. You have to be calm, sure and profoundly consistent and eventually they will get the message. And you're just going to have to take things away, but I don't think you should skip the sleigh riding. Just tell him you have to leave the house, keep being firm, put him into the car and bring him up here."
Pause.
"No, the day is not ruined. You'll be out in the fresh air and you'll all be able to enjoy yourselves. Let it be over then."
Pause.
"OK, we'll see you in a little while. You're welcome, I love you too."

Scene 4: In this scene it seems an omniscient presence is witnessing the following:
I.M. has shed her evil mask and returns on stage, far left in the bedroom again. She silently crawls into bed and gathers her son who simultaneously lifts his arms to stroke both of her cheeks. They give each other a kiss and a few big hugs. The mom explains that she did something bad too. They are both good people who sometimes make bad mistakes. She says she's sorry and will never ever do 'that' to him again. She asks if the son is ok. He says he is and apologizes too. She tells him he's still in the dog house, but they have to go somewhere so he'd better get up and cooperate with leaving the house.

Scene 5: SLR Camera Lens
"Holy moley! Warn me before you take that thing off! This white stuff is bright and it's all over the place! Oh, so we're taking more pictures of the white again? We've been doing that all week...bo-ring. Yup, yup, dark again. OK, here we go with some action shots...or not...I've seen sleds go much faster than that, but the smiles are good, I like that. Are you sure you want to save that really close picture of the dry grass? It's just taking up space. Great, snowshoes! I'm sure someone will find that interesting... not! That's what I'm talking about, more happy people. Ha! One of the kid sleeping again...never seen that before, he's in the sled. Poor thing must have had a hard day to fall asleep sleigh riding. OK, looks like we're gonna end with some more sunset pictures again. Gotta tell ya though, these ones are nice. And I'm out of memory. Yes, thank, put that dark thing on again and I can go to sleep.

Scene 6: The Mom; Living Room; Present Time
The mom still sits at the computer pondering the events of the day. She knows she went over the line, as every mom is bound to do. Where each person draws their line is the difference. The arm-squeeze-pick-up/butt-slam-down is just as bad as a whap on the bottom, but somehow non-spankers rationalize the former. A whap on the bottom, though causes no physical harm, inflicts just as much emotional pain as a spanking, so can one really say it's not a spanking? If you've done something but you vow never to do it again, can you really put yourself back in the righteous category or does it just become easier to push the line further next time?
She glances back at the sleeping child, closes her eyes, rolls her neck, rubs a spot between her spine and shoulder, takes a deep breath and gently lowers the screen of the computer without a typing a word.

Lights dim, curtain draws closed. The End.