The Facts of Life

Not for the faint of heart of weak-stomached.
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On Saturday I had plans to take Jacob to Keene Pumpkinfest like I do every year, but I couldn't get anyone to go with me and I was apathetic about going alone. So we lingered here at home for a little too long and the passage of time alone sort of ruled out Keene as an option. So instead, Jacob and I opted to go to a familiar town about halfway between here and there. I was upstairs putting the finishing touches on my face when Jacob yelled up that there was a deer in the road. He tells some tall tales a lot so I didn't believe him at first. Then he said it was laying in the road, so I peaked out the upstairs window where I could see traffic stopped. Then I ran downstairs in time to see the deer struggle to get up, stagger into our driveway and cross over to Stella's lawn. I must have gone to yell to Zach - although he tells me he was at the window by then, so maybe I just filtered it out of my memory. After that the deer disappeared.

A bunch of cars were stopped all along the highway, and people were getting out of their cars. I was already crossing the lawn with the phone in my hand, but at that point I couldn't think straight enough to remember who it was you should call in a situation like that. It was apparent that someone had already called the police so Zach, Jacob and I just kind of stood around on the front lawn trying to figure out what to do. Eventually we realized that someone Zach knows from work was pulled over on the side of the road, so he went over to talk to him and I took Jacob to knock on Stella's door just incase she didn't already know what was going on. Everyone had assumed that the deer had run off into the woods, but when we rounded the corner the deer was right there, sitting on the side of Stella's driveway.

It was startling and it was beautiful. I've never been that close to a deer in the wild. He just looked at us and appeared as if he could just be hanging out.

Up until that point it hadn't occurred to me that anything would have to be done. I guess I just naively thought that he got a little knocked around and would be fine, maybe need to be rehabilitated. This is how childlike I am in my awe of nature and all things belonging to nature. For a split second I had visions of us nursing it back to health in our backyard, etc, etc.

Since Stella wasn't home we went back to our house and I reported to Zach and his friend that the deer was still there. The friend said they'd have to 'put it out of its misery' and walked with me while I pointed out the deer, and then back to our lawn again. It was clear that we'd been in some mode of packing or unpacking so he asked us, "Are you coming or going?" He suggested that we try to leave as soon as we could, "because it's probably going to be a gunshot," he said motioning toward Jacob with his chin. I was stunned. I hadn't realized that they'd have to put the deer down. And in the minute between realizing that and hearing that it would be by gun, I was imagining a soft, peaceful injection with people petting the deer and cooing sweetly to it, just like at the vet's. I guess I was just in shock and the rational part of my brain was taking a temporary vacation.

Zach and I kind of looked at each other and panicked. We hurried inside, where the house reeked of smoke (Jacob's forgotten grilled cheese still in the grilling process) and set about to finish packing what Jacob and I would need for our day trip. We rushed out the front door but no sooner were the words "Oh shit" coming out my mouth and I was grabbing Jacob by one arm, lifting him into the air and back into the house. I could see two police officers getting into position on Stella's back lawn, but thankfully a low bush was blocking the thing they were forming around because as far as Jacob is concerned that was the sound of a car backfiring.

They fired two shots before we could get back inside, and another two before I could make it to the depth of the house, closing Jacob in the bathroom with me. I'm grateful he didn't ask why we were in the bathroom, but he's not dumb, I'm pretty sure he has a hunch - a good enough hunch to know that he doesn't want to know; the same way I don't want to know what's on the evening news.

They kept firing shots, and I could swear it numbered in the dozens, but Zach says it was only eight. I still think he's wrong. It really is just like they say with witnesses to crimes. Psychological studies show that witnesses are frequently completely off on blatant details you would normally be right on with given an ordinary circumstance. We had no choice, and I couldn't keep sitting in the driveway, so we chanced it and made a run for the car as they were reloading or something. Then we made our way down the street to hear the last of the bullets.

Zach was already late for work, but I guess he had to stick around to speak with the officer because Stella wasn't home. He got the awful details of what went down. He reported to me that since it was the weekend no one from the DEC was available. They would normally come with a rifle which would be a more humane (?) way of 'taking care of it'. Instead the officer only has a little hand gun to work with. And so the deer, while being repeatedly impaled with bullets, kept getting up in an attempt to run away. I can't even deal with that information. I wish Zach hadn't told me that detail, but I guess like me, he needed to purge himself of the wretchedness. After the job was done, they left the deer there. Zach was informed that it was Stella's responsibility to remove the deer since it was on her property. Doesn't matter that the deer way hit on the highway, it staggered into Stella's yard, so it's hers to deal with. That's such bull shit. Between Zach calling the station and telling them there's no way an 85 year old woman was going to be able to deal with that, and some other magic, the deer was removed but we still don't know by whom.

Before the police left though, they walked Zach over to where the deer ended up so he would know to alert Stella. He said that the deer looked peaceful. I don't know if that's true or not, but I'm choosing to believe it.

I can't get past the whole deer thing. It's just so senseless. He didn't even look that banged up. He looked strong and marvelous and there's no reason for the violent way he was killed. I'm sure I must sound crazy to most people for talking about a deer this way. But that is me. I love all animals, value their lives just as much as humans (who are just another kind of animal) and I am extremely sensitive. I find myself just standing there at the front door, or in the driveway on my way to get the mail, frozen in place, watching it happen over again. I don't feel sorry for myself, or even Jacob who saw the deer get hit. I did feel bad for the police officer and for the man who hit the deer. I feel terrible for the deer, for the way he had to die and the fear that must have been pulsing through him.

I did feel bad for the man until Zach told me what a dick he was. He never once ventured over to see the deer, to make sure it was ok. All he did was stand there and bitch about how much it was going to cost to fix his car and how much his insurance was going to go up. I can't stand people like that, who treat animals as if they are a nuisance - ever think we're the nuisance?

So the one thing that makes me feel better about hating this guy, but is also the most saddening thing about it: Zach told me later, when the guy was getting out of his car, he accidentally put his hand in the deer crap that was smeared on his car. Nothing says ass hole like that.