The Good Mother

I was reading a post over on Girl's Gone Child yesterday and it really got me thinking. Read it if you get a chance, but if you can't, here's some exerpts:

"...I’m so tired of all of us thinking it’s necessary to wax poetic every week about how much we suck at being mothers and how hard it is and how afraid we are that we are fucking up our young. Day after day. Blog post after blog post. Memoir after memoir....Admitting we are shitty parents isn’t progressive. Cynicism is one thing but hopelessness is a bummer....Claiming to be bad parents is the new “I’m fat” for even the thinnest of women..."

And I thought I was so original in my honesty ;-) But seriously, have we come too far around the corner from when it was risque to even show Lucille Ball's expanding pregnancy on television? Did the pendulum swing so far into 'putting it all out there' that it's time for it to make it's way back to what is good and decent? Or perhaps what is being called for now is different in that we're not being asked to hide the bad parts, we're just needing to know that good is still possible too. I don't know...I think it's important to talk about the *bad* parts because mothering is the hardest job in the world, but to believe that, we need to keep sharing the hard parts. I think we can simultaneousy embrace the things we like about ourselves as parents and recognize the areas where there's room for improvement. In this way we can truly appreciate the good things about ourselves.

The thing that most holds me back from sharing the parts I get right, the mom I'm happy with and proud of, is that I think by saying those good things about myself, other mothers will look at me and believe I am judging them. They will say, "Oh, so if you are doing it right because you are a (mostly) stay-at-home-mom (or insert characteristic of choice), then I am wrong to go to work everyday?" My success is not your failure. As long as you are doing what you feel is best, aiming to do your best, or wishing you could do better, as long as you are trying, then you are doing your best. And that is never wrong.

I think I agree that it has become too easy to self-disclose down to the bare bones of your existence on the internet, in real life though, I'm not sure we're completely there yet. But at least here, in this venue, I think we could use a little cheering up. So I will do my small part toward re-awakening a culture of good parents. Happy Mothers' Day!

I am a good mother. Here are some reasons:

~ I never lie to Jacob.

~ I set the tone for our relationship to be one of equal respect.

~ I was listening to the Laurie Berkner song Victor Vito and the humor was lost on me because Jacob has eaten all of those *yucky* foods (beans, rutabaga, collard greens) and loved them. Swiss chard, kidney beans, anything fruit are some of his favorite foods - but he also sometimes gets ice cream for breakfast!

~ I do the best I can.

~ I try to make the world a better place for him and the rest of our posterity by the decisions I make...I always keep the health of our planet in mind.

~ I am mindful of Jacob's feelings.

~ After I found out I was going to be a mother, I settled down and made a life for us that we could live. And I stayed. I don't regret one bit of it.

~ I come home after I've been away. And I show up for the job. Everyday of his life.