A fine example of how I put way too much thought into things

So there's going to be a Bob the Builder exhibit at a museum that Danielle goes to a lot. We're trying to work it out for a weekend when both Zach and Steve (Danielle's husband) have off from work. Danielle tells me that she thinks the 'real live Bob' is only going to be there on the opening weekend of the exhibit, but she's not sure. So I get online to investigate. Turns out Bob will be there on each weekend of the exhibit until it closes months from now, but only the weekends. So that's good, we have quite a few weekends to choose from and we know Bob will be there. We're not going to rush to make a decision.

As the day goes on, I start to thinking you know, it might actually be easier for Steve and Zach to get time off during the week, since they both have whacked-out schedules. Then I get to thinking that maybe it would be better for Jacob anyway, maybe he doesn't need to meet Bob. He might not know what to do with that. I talk to a couple people about it, explain my thinking, continue letting the thoughts evolve in my head.

By the end of the day, I've got an entire theory about this one simple decision.

Have you ever heard of Cognitive Dissonance Theory? It states that when a person holds two different schemas about the world (or in Jacob's case, about himself), psychological tension arises. The person will either filter information so as to reduce the dissonance (when cognitions contradict), or create, in essence, a storyline to explain the conflicting realities.

Before I get to how this relates to Jacob and Bob the Builder, let me explain how I came to my theory. Jacob loves building things, construction, talking about going to job sites, etc. His new thing this past month or so is that he's going to build a house in our backyard. Jacob talks about it in detail on a daily basis. He informs me of when the lumber is going to be delivered, or he tells me that he's got to run to the hardware store for a part. He's talking the talk, yet, he's not 'walking the walk', if you know what I mean.

Jacob has such a vivid, vivid imagination, and he knows how to talk all about construction. He knows the names of a whole multitude of tools, know what they're for, basically he knows how to build a house. However, he's only three, remember? So he's lacking in the ability to build a house, the actual skills, height and strength to effect the outcome that he wants. You can imagine how troubling this may be to a little boy.

Backtracking for just a minute...Jacob never wants to go to any playgroups anymore, or any of the places we're going to see his friends. He's always telling me that he can't go to so-and-so's house because he's got a job to do. I've had a theory developing about that, but I was missing something. I was on the right track with thoughts about how he really does want to see his friends, but for some reason is afraid and needs to act like he's aloof. I thought it had to do with being shy and fearful that the other kids wouldn't accept him, kind of like 'laugh at yourself before others have a chance' - and it could be, but that's a discussion for another day.

So, bridging the gap, my mom tells me that Jacob was giving her an update on his house and she asked if he'd completed a certain part of it yet. "No!" Jacob said, "I can't get any work done on my house because Mommy keeps dragging me to all these Moms Clubs (playgroups, etc)!" Ahhh...so that's why he acts like he doesn't want to go, because on an unconscious level Jacob's psyche needs a storyline to explain why the house he's always talking about is not yet built. So what do you think - psychologically advanced child, or crazy mother?

Bringing it back to Bob, I fear that meeting this version of Jacob's hero might be somewhat of a disappointment to him. It might be kind of like finding out that Santa Clause is not real. There's the animated Bob that Jacob sees on TV and in books, and then there's the Bob that exists in Jacob's head. And no one but Jacob knows just what the latter version of Bob is like. The one we would meet in the museum is going to be a person in a Bob 'suit', probably isn't going to talk at all, and will have variations on many other aspects of the Bob that Jacob is familiar with. And I have no idea what this could do to him, although I have several outcomes in mind.

1) Jacob might be scared of Bob, as he often is of these characters. Will this permanently alter the relationship Jacob has with the Bob who exists in his mind? Will Jacob kick himself later for missing his 'big chance' and then come to believe that he chickened out?

2) Jacob might love the idea of meeting Bob in person. Would he then go up to Bob and start talking construction? When Bob has no idea what Jacob is talking about, much less not even speak, will this mess with Jacob's ego?

3) Jacob might not really give Bob much attention at all. But will Jacob see Bob interacting with all these other kids and realize they don't infact have a special relationship?

4) Jacob may love seeing Bob in person and meeting him will surpass Jacob's expectations.

Faced with these possibilities, what is a mother to do? Do we risk it and meet Bob? Do we decide against meeting Bob, and possibility deprive our child of what could have been a perfectly normal situation? Should we decide to meet Bob, do I prepare Jacob? Do I tell him ahead of time that this in not a real Bob? Do I let Jacob decide whether or not he wants to go on a day when Bob is there?

I'm just so afraid to screw up the happiness Jacob has going on in his own mind. I love his imagination. It brings me nothing but smiles, and occasional aggravation...