Kids like that

A couple weeks ago when Jacob performed one of his many haircuts I was sure to tell a certain friend about it because the younger of her two girls is that kind of kid too. I warned her to start keeping the scissors up high. It's a never-ending on-you-toes kind of feeling to have kids like that, the ones who get into everything, continually surprising you with their baby MacGuiver moves. It's funny comparing stories with other parents of those kids.

Last night Jacob was using one of the dogs' leashes as a jump rope. He was upstairs waiting for his turn in the shower and I took advantage of the brief interlude to sit on the bed and close my eyes. Jacob was right there in the room with me and his continual thumping was my assurance that he was a-ok. Then he got quiet and instinctually my eyes popped open. Right before me stood Jacob with the leash tightly wrapped around his neck three times and lopped over both his wrists.

I would have thought that he'd be over that stage by now. But no, he stills does the occasional plastic bag over his head, lets himself out of the house at will and without permission, ties other kinds of shit around his neck. It's never the things you'd think they would get hurt on. Jacob's never fallen down the stairs, he was never one to put little things in his mouth, accidentally choking on them. No, the dangers with my child are things he's purposely done. He's stealthy and quiet, and those are the times - when my guard is down - that he's most likely to get into life threatening situations.

Last summer I was sitting by the pool at my mom's and Jacob was swimming with swimmies on. I was no more than six feet away from him, looking up from my book every twenty seconds to check on his status. One time I looked up and there he was, bobbing up and down below the surface of the water with no swimmies on. He'd taken them off right in front of me, silently, and decided to try out the pool sans safety equipment.

Then there's all the things he did when he was two, before I even started this blog. There was the time that he decided to cook his playdoh creation in the microwave - in a metal pot and almost set the house on fire. Then there was the time when I walked around the corner only to find him on top of the hutch in the dining room with an heirloom chine tea cup in his hand. My gasp of surprise was so loud that it startled him into throwing the cup across the room at the wall whereupon it shattered into tiny pieces.

Baby locks and other safety devices of the kind are of little help to parents like me. Jacob mastered the tricks to opening the cupboards and closets a long time ago. Amazingly though, the one thing he has not figured out is the annoying door knob cover on the front door. When people come over and can't get out of the house, in an effort to suggest I should take it off already they ask, "Does this really keep him from going out the door?" I tell them that oh yes, it has saved his life innumerable times.

I have no really useful advice to offer others of my kind. The best I can say is just stay on your feet, don't believe a safety buckle will keep them in the stroller/high chair/baby swing. Don't even think you can have nice things in your house. Never fall asleep before they do. And be wary of the quiet child...