How things have been

It was like a dream, that first week and a half or two weeks of Sabine's life. She slept a lot, just like they say a newborn is supposed to sleep but I never believed. Then there was the thrush. I don't know if it was the treatment for the thrush, or just a coincidence but all at once the baby stopped sleeping all the time and woke up to the world. She mostly stayed awake during the day, with short catnaps if someone was holding her. And when she was awake she was cranky and projectile vomiting.

Then the Nystatin ran out and the doctor decided we didn't need to continue treating the thrush (even though it was not gone) and within a day it was back full force. I'm still not treating it because despite the fact that it's painful for me, Sabine does not seem to be in pain but she is a much happier baby all of a sudden. I think the medicine was really upsetting her stomach.

For the first week after the baby was born Jacob was a little unsettled around me, like he didn't know how to be, or wasn't that interested in being with me anymore. Then Zach and I started getting the parents-of-two-children routine down and were able to give Jacob more attention. His behavior got better for a bit. And after a week of having two mostly peaceful children they changed on us again.

This week Zach went back to work full time. Now things are getting really crazy. Jacob is insane. He is disrespectful to us and mean a lot. He doesn't listen, has stopped asking permission for things, is out of control. He is breaking my heart. I feel awful that I can't give him the attention he needs. And I feel like our relationship is forever altered - which it is.

I'm not ready to be on my own with these two kids yet. I've been spoiled by my family with their constant willingness to help out, taking Jacob places or just holding the baby so I can get some stuff done. As long as you are holding her (or bouncing on the yoga ball, or jumping on the trampoline with her in your arms) and she nurses every hour the baby is fine. At night she is sleeping well and that's all I'll say about that. I have multiple sorts of carriers and I'm trying to work out which ones are the best for which situations, but in this 90 degree heat it is hard to have a baby affixed to your body at all times. Sometimes Jacob just needs my attention outside of Sabine's presence though - a little time where we can both maybe pretend he's still my one and only. When I'm able to finally give him that attention he's usually off to something else though and our time together somehow ends in a screaming match.

How are the non-humans of the house faring? Not well. They are completely deprived of attention and I'm pretty sure the dogs have fleas because we can't remember the last time we actually remembered to put Frontline on them.

Anyway, I'm doing what I have to to get us all through the day alive, and in between we're finding happiness in living our lives. That's all any of can ask for....