Dear Jacob: Spring 2009

Dear Jacob,

Today (6/3/09) Sabine is the same exact age that you were the day Daddy and I got married. I think it's incredible how fast she has become this little person, but that's nothing compared to how amazed I am by what a big boy you are. And you truly are. You do such mature things all the time. Like the way you help Daddy out with house projects. He says that you save him huge amounts of time by getting his tools for him, helping to stain boards, and moving materials around. And like the way you help me fold laundry and cook, or do dishes and take care of Sabine.

The way you take care of Sabine is something else altogether. You are so good with her and so helpful; exactly as everyone predicted you would be. Actually, since I wrote that you've been a little bit testy with her. You've been taking liberties, to put it one way. I'm starting to see the first hints of sibling rivalry. Sabine actually gets mad when I'm snuggling with you. She comes over and tried to push in between us. It's cute now...but I don't know for how much longer it will be that way.

But enough about Sabine, this post is about you. I'm trying so hard to keep some things just for Jacob. I feel so guilty all the time that Sabine takes so much of my time and you don't get all the time in the world from me anymore. Like these posts, for example. In the past months I've written far more Dear Sabine posts and here you are getting a seasonal post. It's just that at her age she changes so fast. I was doing the same kinds of things for you when you were her age. And I'm sure when she's your age I won't be writing a post for her every month. Something just had to give and I guess that's one of the things - you're not getting written about as much. I've pretty much had to sacrifice writing about anything these past few weeks in favor of just surviving the days with you guys!

There's some things that have been happening which reflect the fact that you're growing up. Like how a couple weeks ago I was on the couch nursing Sabine and I needed you to get the TV remote. I was explaining where it was and that you'd have to go get a chair to reach it and in the middle of my sentence you walked up to the TV and reached as high as you could and grabbed the remote. I was flabbergasted. I had no idea you'd grown big enough to reach the top of the entertainment center.

And then there was T-ball, which ended yesterday. Actually, the last game is tomorrow but we'll be missing it because we'll be up north. Daddy's running a race and you're just fine to miss your last game so that he can run. After the race we're going to Camp. T-ball season was so awesome. You were always stoked to go to your games. It's like there was never any bugging you to get out the door (maybe once) and you loved every minute of it. Daddy and I, and your coaches are so impressed with how you improved. You are one of the better players on the team and certainly the ideal kid to have on a team because you always paid attention and stayed excited about the game.

Playschool ended yesterday and oh how you loved it. We'll go back next year with Sabine, just once a week and you're looking forward to being the big helper. You're not going to Kindergarten, but you are a Kindergartener. We really do have a great time 'homeschooling' and I'm looking forward to next year as we embark on the first official year of homeschooling. I don't know where it's going to take us, but remain open to the options. I hope I get to write more about what kinds of things you're learning about. But just this one bit - today we were doing laundry and as the washer was spinning really fast at the end you observed that you couldn't see the clothes. I told you that was because it was spinning so fast that the clothes were pressed up to the side. I explained it's called centrifical force and we talked about it a bit. Our day is full of random learning like that.

Gymnastics will be over next week also. It will be so nice to have more 'stay at home' days like you call them. This is your fourth full year of gymnastics!

There are some things that I keep as evidence that you are still a little boy though. Like the way you say 'chimes' when you're talking about the chives in the backyard. Or how you call Marisa Amosa. You sometimes mix around your B's and V sounds. You still love watching Bob the Builder. That obsession has lasted you more than half your life. It's nice to have some constancy.

You are always my responsible little boy. We're getting ready to leave for four days out of town and I can't believe the amount of time you spent helping out. You helped Daddy carry in things from the van so it could be ready to pack up with luggage, you helped me fold several loads of laundry, you did a couple sink-fulls of dishes. And in between all that you got crazy, and Daddy and I got mad at you. If there was one thing I wish I could do better for you, it would be to accept the times when you need to act out like that. You're just such a helpful kid, sometimes it's hard to remember running around like a lunatic is completely normal for a five year old.

And oh how I've missed you this past year. I miss when it was just the two of us. Not that I would ever trade Sabine, but I don't think our relationship will ever be the same back. Sometimes I'm just so full of heartache because you'll be sitting there across the room from me looking so cute, yet we feel miles apart. I want to scoop you up and hug you but the chances of you accepting that is not what it used to be. We have had a few times now where we've gotten to be alone, truly alone with Sabine at home without us and it's been very nice. Now that she's almost a year old I'm hoping these times alone with you will become more common. I hope we can get back a little more of that feeling of when it was just us. I love you and love spending time with you because you're one of the coolest kids I know!

Love,

Mommy