Day 3: Lens or Pupil

I took this photo the same time I was taking the photos of the freaky spider in the back yard. Sabine was at my mom's, so Jacob and I were having an alone day. I'm already starting to miss him because he's going to school in the fall. I'm not happy about that. I tell myself if I can just get one more year of homeschooling out of him after 1st grade, then I will settle for that. Maybe he won't even like school...

I love this photo because you can't tell where the reflection of the lens ends and the pupil takes over. Also, Jacob's iris appears to be blue, green and brown all at once. What you're seeing is the baby pool, grass and tree line reflected. And there I am reflected in his eye too. Oh the possibilities for metaphors in this picture!!

Homemade Play-Doh

We made homemade play-doh the other day. It was a lot of fun for the kids to help make, and then to play with. And it was really easy too. We did 4 different colors, aren't they pretty?

Every activity we do lately seems to hold Jacob and Sabine's interest equally. Even though they're almost 5 years apart, their interests are remarkably similar.

Here's the recipe we used:
In one bowl mix:
1 1/2 cups flour
3/4 cup salt
1 T. cream of tartar

In second bowl mix:
1 1/2 cups water
3 T. vegetable oil
food coloring

Combine both mixtures and heat on stove (low heat) until it reaches the consistency of thickened mashed potatoes.

I don't usually keep white flour in the house, and something told me my wheat flour just wouldn't make the right consistency so I bought a package of white flour, and I'd also recommend getting some kind of cheap oil. I forgot to do this and it was painful to watch my organic canola oil go into batch after batch (because we repeated the activity in Playschool the next day) of play-doh.

It actually only took a few minutes to cook the doh, and I was nervous that I wouldn't be able to tell when it was done, but that wasn't a problem, it started to look like store-bought and I knew that was it. I used a double-boiler to heat the mixture just to be on the safe side because I tend to burn things.

Dear Jacob: Winter 2009/2010

Dear Jacob,

Today is my Daddy's birthday. There was a while there when you were younger when I never even mentioned my father to you. I was afraid that if I talked about him, I would have to tell you what happened when I was a child, and that you might begin to fear the same thing happening to one of your parents. I came to a point where I realized that by applying my own childhood fear to you, I was also depriving you of knowing about a really great guy.

The day you saw an old family portrait of mine and didn't know the man in the photo made me really sad. I told you about him then, and you didn't seem to make the connection that this meant your parents could die one day. You asked a lot of questions, and I answered them as honestly as I could. These were really hard conversations to have with you because they were things I don't like to even think about. I'm hoping though this is one of the benefits of having kids; that you'll force me to think about things like that, and in doing so, maybe your fresh innocent perspective on the matter will help me come to terms with my own mortality.

Anyway, there continued to be conversations; they got more intense and more difficult, but they also gave you the chance to really develop compassion. You decided that Bartie the rabbit was in Heaven with Gordie...and when you heard about Daddy's grandfather, you painted a pretty picture about them knowing each other, and when Ma Betty died last year, I think this idea of Heaven you'd created for yourself really helped you deal with her death. I like the way you picture Heaven, and if it's ok, I think I'll try to adopt it for myself, as well.

You're a fun kid to have conversations with, and I enjoy your perspective on things. You're also very active, so it was a continuous project finding plenty of things for you to do this winter. We went outside a lot, of course. But when we weren't outside you kept busy with your imagination. You can play with one thing for hours, lost in your own little world. This is one of the things I think is still really important for kids your age, and one of the reasons I wanted to have you homeschool. We've decided that you are going to go to school for first grade in the fall. The thing is that we live in a very small school district, so you'll go to a one-room school house. How cool is that? It's only for kindergarten and first grade, so this will be the last chance for you to go there. I'm very grateful for this last year though, I think it's allowed you and Sabine to become close and form a strong bond. She is going to be one of the things that you miss the most when you go to school next year. But we don't know what's going to happen after first grade. You may come back home again for school.
You got rollerblades for Christmas this year and that gave you hours upon hours of entertainment right here in the house, scratching up the floors, playing hockey with 'the team'. We also brought your rollerblades into Daddy's work on the days when the indoor track was empty and had like a giant gym class with you and Sabine. You guys ran around like crazy playing with all the equipment - we're really lucky to be able to do stuff like that. You also brought your remote control helicopter to the college and you flew it up to the high ceilings. You flew it around our house a lot too, and you're really good at it.
At home you played with the brick building set I got you. This is something you could do on your own, mix up the mortar and build crazy designs. It was fun to see a three dimensional representation of what goes on in your mind. You've been doing a lot of school work too. I think you're really good at math. We also read a ton together. It's still one of my favorite things to do with you. And then just recently you really started to get it about reading. You can sit down with Sabine and read her some simple books (still with a little help with hard words). It's so cool to see!
You're still so very good with Sabine. You do everything for her. On the nights when Daddy and I wanted to watch a TV show but you guys were still awake, you got into this routine of going up to bed with Sabine and reading to her. I'd come up on a commercial break and find you guys both fast asleep, all snuggled up together. That's got to be the absolute best part of motherhood.

When we go to Playschool you help out with Sabine so much so that I can get all my responsibilities taken care of. Some days it's almost like you're her little classroom aide. At playschool this year we had an Olympics day during the two week period when the real Olympics were going on. It was very cute to see all the kids tramping around waving their flags. I got these big chills when I looked around the room at everyone and saw you over there, waving your flag and taking it so seriously. For a minute there I thought I was in one of the Proctor & Gamble Olympic campaign commercials and that you were a real olympian. It was like foreshadowing of what your life will be like. I would love for you to become an Olympic athlete...but I don't really want to put a second mortgage down on the house, so I could go either way ;-)
So I've got lots of pictures of you, most of them crazy ones, but what I don't have a picture of it where we went earlier today. You asked me if you could make a card for Gordie and bury in the backyard. I don't know where you ever got the idea to bury it like that, but how appropriate. I offered you another idea: I told you we could go leave the card by his grave. I've never brought you there; never even told you of its existence. I didn't want to 'go there' yet, figuratively. I hadn't even been there in years myself. But I took a deep breath and we went. It was a beautiful day, and I let you and Sabine wander around for a bit. You ugys looked so cute walking hand-in-hand while you pointed stuff out to her. I tried to think of it as an experience that was bringing fresh, youthful energy to a place that represents death. After a while we left the card you made and put it under some rocks. I told you it wouldn't stay there forever and you seemed ok with that. It was so lovely seeing my kids there in the pretty sunshine, I knew if I had brought my camera it would be hard to resist the urge to take a photo, but it just didn't seem like a moment I should be capturing on camera like that. It's a moment I prefer to hold onto in my heart.

Love,

Mommy

It's Facebook's Fault

I miss my little blog and I'm constantly telling myself that today will be the day I catch up. There's just so many things I want to post about, I don't know where to start, and it feels hopeless anyway because there's never enough time. I don't entirely know how it happened that I've been so inattentive to blogging, but I do know that Facebook is mostly responsible.

I've been on Facebook for a couple years, with waxing and waning interest, but I guess our relationship (mine and Facebook's) turned serious when Jacob and I started playing Farmville. I thought it would be a cute game for us to play together, because farming is his thing and maybe it would teach him problem solving skills and some other life concepts, numbers and spelling and whatnot, motivate him to learn to read, etc. It did do all that, and it might sound cheesey, but since I was sitting down with him to play and we were talking about it together I think he was learning things. I don't think it's so much what kind of tools you use to teach your kids, as much as it is you sit down with them and spend that time together talking it over.

I also used Farmville as a bribe to get Jacob to get dressed in the morning, get ready for bed, help me with certain tasks, but then he just memorized how to log on himself and started playing without me at times. He'd always get caught and warned not to do that again, etc, etc, but he'd always do it again. The weeks went by and it became an obsession. So I've phased out our crops and weaned us off this week. We're going to be taking a break from it for a while. It's feels liberating. I'm going to have to start hiding the computer from him though.

Anyway, being on Farmville meant I was logged onto Facebook at least a couple times a day, and so naturally I started posting more and more on facebook. It's like an abbreviated form of blog posts and is an outlet for me when time is sparse and I don't have time to blog. A lot of the things I would have ended up blogging just ended up as a status post on Facebook, and helped alleviate whatever stress was building up from not being able to get my thoughts out - but not all of it. And there's far more people I'm in contact with on Facebook than will ever read my blog. It's just a better way to keep up.

In no particular order, here is some stuff that happened over the last couple months in status posts copied from Facebook:

is teaching Jacob how to play Uno. Oh my God for the 80th time, no, you can't put a that RED 5 on that BLUE 8. I seriously underestimated the difficulty a five year would have with this concept!!! Holy crap, nooooo that Draw 2 can't go on that GREEN 6!!!!!!!

Ran the half marathon this morning. 1:56:30's. I'm happy with that and I don't think I ever want to do it again....

Just got home from the movies...Saw The Time Traveler's Wife. You definitely have to have read the book to follow the movie.

BIG DAY today. Zach met the president, shook his hand, told him his name and got his picture taken with him! AND I was on national television breastfeeding!

To mark the official start of homeschooling, Jacob and I just made frosting (science and math), but with nothing to eat it on, we're just having it spread on bread!

Sabine took two 10 minute naps today. That's it.

I am celebrating the last birthday of my 20's in my home, alone, cleaning like a madwoman. Believe it or not, this is an often sought-after fantasy of mine!

is trying to get Zach to sit still and look at people of walmart. I can't get enough of this!!!

ran the 5k today and Jacob ran his first kids' run. He also won the Wii they had up for raffle! It seems luck follows wherever he goes.

This one is a post from Zach: Happy 5th Anniversary...We are still alive...and so are the kids! Looking forward to today and the weekend...

Just finished reading Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. Very interesting book.

Jacob and I couldn't stop watching the puke scene today from The Office wedding episode....hilarious!

Well there you have it, Facebook. Now that our relationship is out in the open, I have to break it off. Well, not completely, but I think we need to see other people and I need to visit other internet playgrounds for a while. Get some perspective. Some 'me' time. Don't worry, I'll still be visiting. Just a lot less. Well, at least a little less. I still care about you, but it's just that my blog is more of a long-term relationship, and we're a little more serious than you and I can ever be.

Dear Jacob: Spring 2009

Dear Jacob,

Today (6/3/09) Sabine is the same exact age that you were the day Daddy and I got married. I think it's incredible how fast she has become this little person, but that's nothing compared to how amazed I am by what a big boy you are. And you truly are. You do such mature things all the time. Like the way you help Daddy out with house projects. He says that you save him huge amounts of time by getting his tools for him, helping to stain boards, and moving materials around. And like the way you help me fold laundry and cook, or do dishes and take care of Sabine.

The way you take care of Sabine is something else altogether. You are so good with her and so helpful; exactly as everyone predicted you would be. Actually, since I wrote that you've been a little bit testy with her. You've been taking liberties, to put it one way. I'm starting to see the first hints of sibling rivalry. Sabine actually gets mad when I'm snuggling with you. She comes over and tried to push in between us. It's cute now...but I don't know for how much longer it will be that way.

But enough about Sabine, this post is about you. I'm trying so hard to keep some things just for Jacob. I feel so guilty all the time that Sabine takes so much of my time and you don't get all the time in the world from me anymore. Like these posts, for example. In the past months I've written far more Dear Sabine posts and here you are getting a seasonal post. It's just that at her age she changes so fast. I was doing the same kinds of things for you when you were her age. And I'm sure when she's your age I won't be writing a post for her every month. Something just had to give and I guess that's one of the things - you're not getting written about as much. I've pretty much had to sacrifice writing about anything these past few weeks in favor of just surviving the days with you guys!

There's some things that have been happening which reflect the fact that you're growing up. Like how a couple weeks ago I was on the couch nursing Sabine and I needed you to get the TV remote. I was explaining where it was and that you'd have to go get a chair to reach it and in the middle of my sentence you walked up to the TV and reached as high as you could and grabbed the remote. I was flabbergasted. I had no idea you'd grown big enough to reach the top of the entertainment center.

And then there was T-ball, which ended yesterday. Actually, the last game is tomorrow but we'll be missing it because we'll be up north. Daddy's running a race and you're just fine to miss your last game so that he can run. After the race we're going to Camp. T-ball season was so awesome. You were always stoked to go to your games. It's like there was never any bugging you to get out the door (maybe once) and you loved every minute of it. Daddy and I, and your coaches are so impressed with how you improved. You are one of the better players on the team and certainly the ideal kid to have on a team because you always paid attention and stayed excited about the game.

Playschool ended yesterday and oh how you loved it. We'll go back next year with Sabine, just once a week and you're looking forward to being the big helper. You're not going to Kindergarten, but you are a Kindergartener. We really do have a great time 'homeschooling' and I'm looking forward to next year as we embark on the first official year of homeschooling. I don't know where it's going to take us, but remain open to the options. I hope I get to write more about what kinds of things you're learning about. But just this one bit - today we were doing laundry and as the washer was spinning really fast at the end you observed that you couldn't see the clothes. I told you that was because it was spinning so fast that the clothes were pressed up to the side. I explained it's called centrifical force and we talked about it a bit. Our day is full of random learning like that.

Gymnastics will be over next week also. It will be so nice to have more 'stay at home' days like you call them. This is your fourth full year of gymnastics!

There are some things that I keep as evidence that you are still a little boy though. Like the way you say 'chimes' when you're talking about the chives in the backyard. Or how you call Marisa Amosa. You sometimes mix around your B's and V sounds. You still love watching Bob the Builder. That obsession has lasted you more than half your life. It's nice to have some constancy.

You are always my responsible little boy. We're getting ready to leave for four days out of town and I can't believe the amount of time you spent helping out. You helped Daddy carry in things from the van so it could be ready to pack up with luggage, you helped me fold several loads of laundry, you did a couple sink-fulls of dishes. And in between all that you got crazy, and Daddy and I got mad at you. If there was one thing I wish I could do better for you, it would be to accept the times when you need to act out like that. You're just such a helpful kid, sometimes it's hard to remember running around like a lunatic is completely normal for a five year old.

And oh how I've missed you this past year. I miss when it was just the two of us. Not that I would ever trade Sabine, but I don't think our relationship will ever be the same back. Sometimes I'm just so full of heartache because you'll be sitting there across the room from me looking so cute, yet we feel miles apart. I want to scoop you up and hug you but the chances of you accepting that is not what it used to be. We have had a few times now where we've gotten to be alone, truly alone with Sabine at home without us and it's been very nice. Now that she's almost a year old I'm hoping these times alone with you will become more common. I hope we can get back a little more of that feeling of when it was just us. I love you and love spending time with you because you're one of the coolest kids I know!

Love,

Mommy

For Example (A short list of FAQs)

Kevin asked the other day what kinds of things I'm doing with Jacob to 'homeschool' him. I explained that my most basic definition of what homeschooling looks like to us these days is that we do all the normal things any other stay-at-home parent does with their children, but that it will continue when the other kids his age go off to school, and that it will get more sophisticated as time goes on.

Last night I was darning socks and Jacob asked if he could sew a little something up. I gave him a threaded needle and he went to town on a tiny piece of fabric that I had leftover from some other project. This isn't the first time he's 'sewed' with me, and even though I threaded the needle for him this time, he is capable of doing it himself. I think it's pretty cool for a five year old to have that kind of control and fine motor skills.

And that's what homeschooling is all about to me at this point: Having the time to follow your passions and desires in terms of learning. It was pretty late at night when Jacob started his little project. If he had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go to school then I would have had to tell him no. Perhaps he could have started his little project later this afternoon, like when he would be getting home from 'school', chances are he wouldn't though, but even if he did, the moment would have been lost.

I didn't take Home Ec. until middle school. Jacob is getting all that kind of 'instruction' as a five year old, not because I'm deciding it, but because he's asking for it. He's going to get exposure to a lot of the same things as he would in school, he just gets to pick the order and decide how long he wants to spend on it. That's what I call self-initiated learning.

Beyond that kind of thing, I don't really don't where this is headed or what I'm doing. But I have faith that the universe will help us along our way as far as presenting opportunities, and I know that I'll figure it out as we go along. I also know that the time may come when he needs to be in school (for one reason or another), and that we'll accept that.

Some other stuff real quick: Jacob's been planting seedlings, transplanting them, getting him garden ready with Zach's mom. He's learned a ton from doing all this. He goes with Zach sometimes to 'jobs' and learns stuff there. He still loves baking, through which he learns measurements, chemistry, time, etc. And he goes everywhere with us, gets a ton of exposure to other people, other adults, who all have stories to tell and lessons to share. This is a big one for me, I want him to learn from a variety of people, and to learn how to get along with a diversity of people.

I stopped posting on here about homeschooling a long time ago because I didn't want to bore people. I started that other blog for those kind of posts, but it's too hard to update it, and home learning has become something that is so enmeshed in our daily lives that there's really no way to separate it anymore. So I think I'll just try to post little tid-bits here and there, you know, for the Curious People.

In need of some male time

Jacob was just listing off some of the planets he knows, "Jupiter, Mars, Saturn, Uterus..."

I think maybe he's been spending too much time with the estrogen crowd...

Smarter Than the Jeopardy Contestants

We've been watching Jeopardy religiously for a few weeks now, all three of us. It's a good way to make the shift from evening to night time (when bed happens). I've always loved Jeopardy so it's nice to get back into watching it, as well as to have a regular time marker to keep us on track with the routine.

Tonight there was a 'kiddy lit' category. The last clue in the category was something about Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar. None of the contestants even tried to guess at it, but I got excited and said, "Jacob, you know this one!" And he came through with the answer. It was a very cool moment, especially because minutes earlier he'd been crying that he never wins at Candy Land.

We also like to guess the numbers when they have the lotto drawing during the commercial break. I'm so happy that we finally have something to get all of us motivated to keep to a routine, and that it's something we can all share.

May Day

So far a nice start to May. The day turned out sunny and nice and we got to have a nice gathering with friends at someone's house, hiked in the woods, and visited with their 30+ chickens. Two very exciting and very much anticipated things happened today.

I called Zach at work to tell him the news on our end and he delivered good news of his own. Stella came home and had just been visiting us. Zach had just checked his bank account and the "free money" from Dubya came in.

So yes, Stella came home. We had known it was imminent because her son had been by a couple times in the last week to prep things for the homecoming. Then yesterday she showed up in our driveway. Jacob was freaking out excited. He was doing the Marlon Brando impersonation thing out the window to summon her, and then there she was, like a mirage of Jacob's, at our doorstep. We sat on the front porch for a few minutes chatting before she had to get back to getting "the yard in shape."

In the first minute of her arrival she started in on the "Is he in school yet?" line of questioning. Actually, now she directs the questions at Jacob because she knows I am a lost cause. If you don't know what I am talking about, I've previously written about the fact that Stella does not approve of my plans to homeschool Jacob. Why she cares is beyond me. So now instead of directing her assaults at me, she quietly works on Jacob while she thinks I'm just out of earshot. "Don't you want to go to school and play with all the other kids?" she goads him. I've asked her to stop making these comments to Jacob, but what can you do?

In the second minute of being in our presence she informed me that the leaves which Zach put on the side of the road across the street from her house (where she'd previously told us to put them to be picked up by the town) weren't going to be picked up because they weren't in bags. Apparently she'd waived down the town truck earlier that day and inquired about their policy. They only pick up loose leaves in the fall. So what to do with our leaves that fall on the ground after the snow has already started? Anyway, she didn't miss a beat, "They're starting to blow in my yard and are making more work for me" (not true at all - they are weighted down by the fact that they're half decomposed from being under snow all winter and not blowing anywhere).

In the third minute of her visit she was quick to list off three 'jobs' she had for Zach to do. 1) Cut down a huge limb that had fallen; 2) Cut down a tree; 3) "Take care of that hill" (whatever that means). Some problems I see with this are 1) Why is she telling me this? 2) Why does she expect these free services out of my husband? 3) If she wants us to cater to her needs, shouldn't she be a little nicer?

Anyway...I was trying to think of something wise to say here. I will come up with it one of these days. Maybe mayday would have been a more appropriate title?

Posting There Again

Damn. How do people get the title to be a link to something? I know it's possible, I've seen it done before. Oh well, the title was supposed to be: Posting Here Again. That's the home page. Here's links directly to some of the more coherent posts. Just incase anyone is interested in reading about our boring (actually not boring to me) homeschooling.

Homeschooling By Daddy - if you're into the potty humor.

Spanish Bob

Around the Country and the World

Teaching Moments