Dear Sabine: 4 Years Old

Dear Sabine,

Dear Sabine, Dear Sabine.....  Of my three kids, I have the most trouble buckling down to write about you.  You have such a dynamic personality.  Not to say your siblings don't, but there's just something...something...you change so fast from one minute to the next.  I have an idea of how I'm going to start, but by the time I make it to the computer, the dominating force has become something completely new.  I don't even know if that makes sense, or if it will even make sense to me five minute from now.  Maybe it's your age, maybe it's because you're the middle child, maybe it's just You.

I've said a lot lately that you have a Jeckle & Hyde personality, and that is certainly true.  You'll be this completely sweet creature, so loving and charming, a switch goes off, and you're a creature of another nature.  I think maybe you take after Daddy with your moods.  You each have two moods, one is preferable, and I have no idea how to access them.  You look like me though.  And I really like that.  All you kids look a lot alike, but Jacob and Summer definitely resemble each other, while you are a mini-mommy.

At this point in time you have a favorite person in the world, and it is not me.  That is crushing to me.  It is Daddy.  It's been like that for a long time, and I'm sure you guys will always have this special bond, but I remain hopeful that it's an age thing.  I remember when Jacob was your age, there was a time period when he wanted very little to do with me.  He outgrew it, and I don't remember much beyond that.  So I hope you outgrow it someday and come back to me a little.

It's scary for me though, because you are, like I said, a middle child.  I spent a lot of energy this past year (and even before Summer was born) feeling guilty about that.  By watching you kids I can start to see just how the dynamic with my brother and sister was formed, and I can see that the way I react in certain situations is because of my experiences in my family of origin.  I consider this a phenomenon of sorts.

I find it exciting and so very interesting that I get to watch your dynamics and relationships form, and through watching it, I gain so much insight into my own place in the family, and in the greater community.  This is something that is really important to me, something I look forward to experiencing more in the future.  I feel lucky that I've been able to bring this level of awareness to my parenting experience, because based on conversations with other parents I know, I don't think this is something very many of them have consciously voiced like that.

Up until this point in my post I haven't really written too much about you.  I guess I find it easier to warm up by talking about the ways you have changed me.  I used to read these posts back to myself before I wrote another one so that I could 'keep track' of things I've said or 'pick up' where I left off.  I know better now though.  I know I'll be more honest in my writing, and if things are unknowingly repeated then it will serve to emphasize that part of your being.  See there I am writing about myself again.

Dear Sabine:  You are a maelstrom of energy.  Be it good or bad, your energy, your moods, your words come out loud and resonate long.  You have a strong, stubborn spirit that gets you in to trouble in our house, but will serve you well in the world.  You've always been maternal, like a little caretaker.  I can remember saying that about you before Summer was born.  You'd do little things for Jacob to take care of him, or look out for him.  You'd report on what he was doing, maybe boss him a little bit, as if you weren't five years younger than him.  Now you tell him you're going to put him in time out if he does such-and-such a thing to you!

All you kids are stubborn, just as me and my siblings are, but I have to say that as this point it's looking like you may be the most stubborn.  If I have to discipline you in some way, say you have to sit in time out for a few minutes, when I go to get you out of there, you won't talk to me, you won't move, you just stay there on the step like that's where you wanted to be all along.  Sometimes you'll be in a mood, and maybe we know what it is you want (but we need you to say it aloud), or maybe we don't know what it is, but if you don't feel like talking, then you're not making a peep.  This is in stark contrast to your Other Mood, the one where you Don't Stop Talking For Anything.  Or if we're eating dinner, and there's some kind of after-meal treat.  Well if you don't want to eat any more of your food, there's no tempting you with ice cream or whatever.  You just sit there watching everyone else enjoying it, and act like you never wanted it to begin with.

You do eat a ton of food.  Mostly you eat a lot in the morning, and then you eat a 'second breakfast', and then you're hungry again before lunch.  But then at dinner time we can hardly get you to eat a few bites.  You're really skinny, to the point where Daddy and I are getting a little worried.  But you are so, so active.  You take gymnastics class all year long, and after about a six week pause for summer vacation, you've just started to tell me you really miss it and can't wait to go back.  So we'll do a few classes in the remaining weeks of summer.  You've watched a lot of the olympics with us these past couple weeks.  We let you stay up late to watch the gymnastics because we think, you never know...

In the past few months you've started to express a strong liking for the color pink.  I am not so happy about this.  For maybe the past year we've been clashing over the clothes you wear.  It's not that I don't like the things you wear, but I want you to wear all the clothes you have in your closest, and you would prefer to wear the same favorites day after day.  This is just like your brother was and still is and I think to myself, "Again??"  I would love to have a kid who just lets me dress them.  And the accessories!  You've always loved accessories.  Currently you wear your watch, your soccer band and your silly bands.  Sometimes you like to wear sunglasses, but not so much a hat lately.  You used to always love to wear your John Deere baseball hat.

You can't wait to start playing soccer and t-ball.  You're very good at mini-golf for a four year old.  Pretty much any sport you play, we realize you're awesome at.  You've got a six-pack of abs that I am so jealous of.  You come up with the funniest things to say, without even trying to be funny.  You really impress MamMa and Papa with the things you say.  I don't have any great sound bites at my disposal right now...I'll have to think of some and put them in the comments section later.

You have certain routines and things you like to make sure to see when we're on the road.  When Daddy leaves for work in the morning, you like to give him "A hug, a kiss and a high five."  It's the only proper start to your day.  In the car, you love to always spot horses.  You've got to see some horses at some point on our ride.  You coined the phrase Cars On Top for the big car carriers that we see headed to dealerships.  OJ and yogurt are still your favorite drink and food, respectively. 

Of all your favorite things, music is your favorite favorite thing.  If you could, you'd have music on all day long.  Thanks to Sabine, we all have every single current country song committed to memory.  This was one of the first things I learned about you when you were a baby, that music calmed you, or just in general that you loved music.

At some point early this year, I developed the tantrum deposit box and placed it at the front door.  For a while I'd say it worked, and for a bit we were without huge tantrums.  Then the tantrums came back, and they last a long time and it really sucks.  The only good thing I can say about the tantrums is that when you're not having one, I don't really think about them that much.  And boy do I wish you could stop napping.  You'd love to stop napping, I would really love to stop having you nap, but there's just no way we can get away from it on most days.  Without a nap, that Other Mood comes around.  The mood where everything turns to eggshells and everyone's main goal in life is to not step on one of Your Eggshells.  It takes you between one and three hours for you to fall asleep for a nap, or to fall asleep for the night.  Even when you're exhausted.  When I have some spare time (ha) I will try to fix your sleeping problem.

For all your stubbornness and bravado, you are a little softy inside.  There's lots of things that you're afraid of and lots of ways your a so sweet.  Soon we'll be selling this house, the one that you kids were born into.  I'm afraid you're not going to remember the place where all of your life up until this point has happened.  That's a subject for another post.

 A couple weeks ago I was laying next to you in bed, reflecting on the time gone by and thinking about the day you were born.  My most clear memory of that day was when they handed you to me.  I looked in your eyes and I thought, oh, I know you; you're the one I was waiting for all this time.  I hope no matter how much times goes by, that I can still have those moments where I look in your eyes and know you belong to me.  And I hope you know that I'll always wait for you.


Love,

Mommy

Dear Summer: 9 & 10 Months

Dear Summer,

      Yesterday you turned 10 months old!  Today I am sitting here on the couch with you asleep in my lap and I decided to look through some pictures of the day you were born.  Daddy asked what hat he was wearing when you were born, so that's how I ended up getting into the pictures.  In case you're wondering, it was his Yankees hat.  By the way, you're going to be a Yankees fan.  I'm sorry.

       The last time I visited this blog was when you were turning 9 months old.  I got as far as jotting down ten different things about you at that age before I was called away for a whole month.  I wrote the following things (with my current thoughts on the matter in parenthesis):

~ You love to pull the strings on Daddy's sweatshirt (when Daddy is holding you he is usually wearing his hooded sweatshirt, and you always go for his strings, putting them in your mouth and playing with them.  Sometimes at night when you're asleep in bed with Daddy I have to go around the bed to tuck his strings into his shirt so they don't get wrapped around your neck or anything).

~ Give kisses now (you were starting to give little open mouth kisses when I said "kiss" but I think that's kid of disappeared.  You do smack your mouth a lot, either for fun, or to tell me you want a drink or a bite of something in your mouth).

~ bbbb....ddddd (I guess you were making those sounds?)

~ Baby yoga (you started doing what we call Baby Yoga, on your hands and feet with you butt in the air and head pointed down.  If you were on the bed doing that, I'd flip you right over into a forward roll and you would crack up.  Come to think of it, you're not really doing Baby Yoga so much these days).

~ Cruising (you, you've been cruising on the furniture since about 8 months old.  You're getting ready to walk now.  You'll be standing there against the furniture, and then you take your hands off and just stand there on your own, thinking about walking, and then after a few seconds you drop down and rapidly crawl away.  You are fast!  And you climb everything.  If you're crawling around on the floor and there's something that's about 6-12 inches high, you'll go crawl over it just for the challenge of it.  You climb up the stairs in our house, all the way to the top, with someone behind you, of course.  You started this about 9 months old.  I'm teaching you how to go down the stairs, and I think you're getting it because yesterday you got down from the couch by yourself).

~ Putting things in your mouth (for the longest time you didn't mouth inappropriate things or put things in your mouth and I was so grateful for it.  But you picked it up in an instant and haven't stopped.  You hold something up and shake your head no and do your quacking thing "dah dah dah dah dah" or something like that, but it's high-pitched like a quack).

~ Clap your hands and shake your head when you hear music - "dancing" (You love music.  When it comes on you stop what you're doing to clap and shake yourself around.  Speaking of clapping, that's something that started in the last month.  You picked it up quickly and looove to clap whenever someone else is clapping or if you hear the word 'clap').

~loooove baths (So very much.  You love the water.  Splashing, smacking, putting your face in it, catching it, dumping it.  You go nuts in the bath tub, so much so that you crash all over the place and are constantly banging your head).

At 10 months old you've been saying hi and bye to people with a breathy 'H' sound and your right arm flapping wildly in the air.  You love to play peek-a-boo!  It started out with your hands at your temples with a blanket (or shirt, or hat, or cloth) clasped in them and you totally got the idea.  But now you'll do it even if you don't have an object in your possession.  You pull your hands up and there's your face for all the world to see, then your hands go down and we pretend something big happened anyway because it's still flipping cute.

Diaper changes continue to be a pain because you do not want to lay still on your back and all you do is flip over and scream to get away.  If Daddy or I are changing your diaper, and we're both home, we usually ask the other one to come help hold you down.  Sometimes I have Jacob help me.  Speaking of him, he loves you so much.  Sabine does too.  She is so jazzed to be a big sister, and you're more into her than you were in the past.  You love he hair and touching (smacking) her face.  Jacob takes really good care of you.  If either if your siblings are around, you want to be where they are, doing what they're doing, or at least watching every move they make.

You've become quite a good eater recently, eating a lot and eating really healthy foods.  You seem excited about all the new flavors and tastes and I'm really, really happy about that.  You still nurse, and get so excited to do so.  Nursing has always sort of been your 'reset' button.  You need to reconnect with me that way, and the you can go back your business in a much better mood.

No teeth for Summer yet.  We're kind of surprised because both Jacob and Sabine got their first tooth right after they turned 9 months.  But you were also a lot smaller than them at birth, so maybe your clock runs a little differently.

Even though you don't have teeth growing in yet, you hair is starting to get longer.  Some days you have little curls that form on the back of your head!  Your hair...I can't tell just what color it is, maybe because it's not long enough yet, but it seems like it may be blonde, for now, at least.  Whatever it is, it's cute!  And your lashes...that's one area in which you do take after your siblings.  You've got those long, dark, curly eye lashes that they both have, and people are noticing them a lot lately.

Just like when you were a tiny baby, you're still trying to get somewhere.  When you are with other people, you're always trying to get back to my arms.  You've been really clingy lately.  Sometimes you just need Mommy, but other times once I get out of sight, you're fine.  Still, other times you surprise us and let some special person hold you for a very long time.  When you're in your high chair, you're trying to get out, and you usually succeed in pushing through the straps and standing up.  Even though you love to be in the action, I've noticed the ability you have to entertain yourself quietly for a long time just playing with something on the ground.  But all bets are off if your adult walks out of the room.  You give a little screech/squeal that means for us to get back here and pick you up so you can go along for the ride.

You play around on the floor when we're all home, mostly the kitchen floor because that's where we always seem to be.  You go from room to room and take your time exploring things.  You have your own things and make your own messes.  When we all run around chasing each other, tickling and tackling, you're right there with us.  You're one of us, but you're your own person with your own looks, a tiny head, a tiny toosh, a little bit of light hair with a little curl in the back, a soft belly that I love to kiss, a signature move (back arch with arms above your head) that you were doing inside of me all those months ago.  You would think that my looking back at those pictures from the day you were born would cause me to sigh and exclaim, "Where did the time go!"  But they don't.  They make me feel like it was a million years ago and that you were always with us, and that the people in those pictures were simply coming home to one another at the end of a long day.

Dear Summer: 6 Months

Dear Dear Summer,

      You have lived long enough that I have already started to forget things about you.  For instance, I can remember the words I would have used had I written this post back when I meant to, like at 4, 5 and 6 months of age.  But I can no longer remember that baby.  You're just so amazing, that your current accomplishments are constantly trumping what you did a few months ago.  You are a person, and you are changing and no matter how hard I try, you cannot remain the tiny baby that you are and that I want to keep you as. 

When you turned 4 months old is when I started this post.  I had the words in my head for a long time and they were going to start like this:  Dear Summer, You are the most wiggly baby I know!  Because that was the one most outstanding thing about you.  You spent more time wiggling than anything else (including sleeping).  Everyone around me finally understood what all the complaints where about when you were waiting to be born.  You simply did not stop moving when I was pregnant with you.  You moved so much and in such a way that when people asked what I was having, I told them I was having an octopus.  You moved so much that I would lay awake at night (curled up on the floor) sobbing.  It was a slow form of torture.

So when you were born, and immediately, all the people close to us finally understood that you were a baby clearly on a mission to get somewhere.

At 6 months wrote this about you:  It is not clear yet just what your mission is, but as of a couple weeks ago, you are one step closer to accomplishing it because you have started crawling.  Now I know that your brother also crawled at the same age as you, and Sabine was crawling right at six months, but for some reason you just look so funny going all about the floor and your hands and knees.  Maybe because you're just so teensy.  Like your brother and sister, you are a peanut, but I think you may be the teensiest of  my babies.

Then  I stalled out with a combination of writers' block and an inability to garner 5 minutes to myself.  So I wrote a bunch of notes that I hoped would help me to remember the things I wanted to write about when the mood struck me and I learned the secret to stopping time.  So these aren't going to make sense to anyone else, and I can only hope that in the future I can decode them enough to remember what I was getting at, so, in all their unedited glory, here are some of your 6 month notes:

Your most favorite thing in the world to play with is paper.
Up until now you hadn't really tried to mouth anything.


crawling like a maniac.


you are a rip - last night in bed you were awake for an hour while Daddy and I just laid there 'playing dead'.  this is so hard to do because you are so cute, but you were making that blowing noise that you do with your mouth and smacking Daddy in the face and generally just trying to get his attention.  Then you came over to me and tried out all your moves.


You love being around people.  Some of your crankiest days are the ones where it's just you and me at home.


You love to nurse and only nurse, you will not take a bottle.


They say that a baby's cry is biologically designed to be just annoying enough to make the parents want to take actions to stop it, not run in the other direction.  Well, my dear, you sound like a dying cat when you cry and you sure are lucky Nature made you cute because otherwise...


spit up machine!


runny left eye


fresh milk demands


love paper


song to go to sleep


crawling, pulling up to standing


loon call, hawk cry

So now you are going on 7 months (in 6 days) and I have come back to the computer, with my tail between my legs, to finish this letter.  Having three kids is really hard.  It is not like having two was.  The ante has been upped and your father and I are experiences the consequences.  But we are also having a grand time.  You are such a fun baby.  Your face lights up when you see us come into the room.  You love your brother and sister.  Jacob takes care of you just like you were his own kid.  Sabine tells me all the time how much she loves her baby sister.

Daddy and I talk about how you're a combination of Jacob and Sabine.  You look just like Jacob, but you have the same body as Sabine.  And as far as personality characteristics, you're all a lot like each other.  You're a tiny peanut like them (13 pounds at 6 months), yet full of energy and movement.  You're active and happy and a really bad sleeper (but that is your parents fault, most likely).  You love playing in bed with us when you wake up in the morning.  You love nursing and being held.  You hate your carseat and you hate being changed - whether it's clothing or just a diaper, you do not like to be still and we have to hold you down.  You kick your legs like you just discovered them.  You like grabbing things with your hands and then shaking them around.  Things that make noise are fun for you.  You've just started making some "dadada" babbles.  And you are a people watcher.  MamMa calls you nosy little baby.

I could go on and on, but since you're asleep on my chest in the Moby wrap and I want to go to bed with you, I'll just leave at this:  I love babies so much and I am having so much fun with you; everybody is.  There are so many people who love you and we're going to have a fantastic time watching you become who you will be.  I didn't know I was waiting for you, but now that you're here, I realize our family is complete.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Summer: Welcome!

Dear Summer,

    You were born two days ago, on August 2nd, 2011.  The time was 6:22pm and we had just gotten to the hospital about 20 minutes before that.  One push and you were out!

    Since it's still fresh in my mind, I might as well go over how the day went.  12 hours before you were born I was still asleep in bed.  Around 8am I told Daddy that maybe he should stay home from work, to be on the safe side (since he didn't want to go in anyway, as we thought you would have been born already).  Late in the morning the whole family went and did errands.  We went to the grocery store, Sabine got her hair cut, etc.  Daddy thought I was crazy to be out and about, but it wasn't even that bad until about noon.  I wasn't even sure it was going to be the day until a couple hours after that when we'd gotten Sabine down for a nap.  I cooked an early dinner, vacuumed the house, and Daddy was getting so mad at me because even though I was having contractions, I couldn't just sit still.  Sometime after 5pm I called MamMa to tell her maybe she should come by to take your brother and sister.  Then I went in the backyard to tell Daddy I'd called you and I started weeding the garden.  That's what I was doing an hour before you were born!

    I think I was just afraid to sit still because I was so scared of what was coming.  When MamMa and Papa got here I didn't want to leave your brother and sister.  I kept giving them hugs and telling them I loved them.  And Daddy was getting more mad because he wanted me to get in the car.  And then when we were partway to the hospital is when I realized you were going to be born very soon.  Just like when your big sister was born, I had to have Daddy drop me off at the door, but this time I made it inside and could still talk.  I couldn't sign to admit papers though, I was shaking too hard!  Inside the delivery room the nurses were being very vague, so in retrospect, I think they realized you were ready to be born, but they were trying to wait for the midwife to get there, and not make me too scared about her not being there.  The same midwife that delivered Sabine walked in and one push later, literally 10 seconds, it was all over.  I can honestly say it was easier than and not as painful as my last birth.  I feel like I won the gold medal in the Childbirth Olympics.

    You are so tiny, Summer!  You were 5lb 7oz, 19 in. when you were born.  And I was a week late with you - I don't know how you go to be so tiny.  Jacob was 7lb. 7oz, so you are a whole two pounds lighter than he was at birth.  Sabine was 7lb 5oz, which is the exact reverse of you, a fact that will make it easier to remember these new statistics.  All of us girls in this family have S names, not something that was particularly planned.  We girls also have only 2s in the day of our birthdays; Sabine is June 22nd and I am October 2nd. Oh yeah, same month as Daddy's birthday, same day of the month as your mother. Anyway, numbers are important to me, so I've been doing a lot of playing around with them in my head the past couple days.

    You're coming home to a full and loving household, little baby.  We have four rabbits, two dogs, and now three kids!  You have one big brother and one big sister, just like I do.  You and I are both the baby girls of the family; it's going to be nice growing up, you'll have lots of people to do stuff for you.  It probably won't be very quiet, but I promise it will be very fun!  You will learn to love being outside in nature, eat lots of healthy foods (you'll probably also develop an amazing appetite for ice cream), read tons of books, and chances are, you'll be one active kid, just like your siblings. You'll grow up with a deep respect for our planet. You'll be introduced to the Tickle Spider and The Bull.  You'll run circles inside our house and always have someone to try to catch.  You'll quickly discover the joys of snuggling in bed with a warm body next to you, and I promise we'll find a place to fit you when there's already a full bed.  You'll get lots of shoulder rides from Daddy.  Jacob will dote on you he'll share his construction vehicles and tools.  Sabine will teach you lots of songs and encourage you to dance.

    I'll keep you ever so close to me and will probably be over-protective; and even though I can't imagine it yet, I know I'll let you go out in to the world when it's your time because you'll teach me things too.  You'll teach me about parts of my heart I didn't know could exist, and I'll learn (perhaps painfully) that I'm capable of things that I thought were impossible (like letting go).  I can't fathom these things yet, but I know they'll happen because I love you with an indescribable fierceness that, surely, can overcome any obstacle.

Dear Jacob: July 2011

Dear Jacob,

    I didn't actually plan to be writing a letter to you right now.  I planned to be in a crazy cycle of nursing a baby, changing diapers and sleeping.  But we are still baby-waiting here so I find myself with a lot of time and a tiny bit of motivation to do this thing, so I'm going to try to pop it out because you really deserve some recognition.

    I looked back to see when the last time I even wrote a letter to you was, and surprisingly it was just this past January; that's not so bad considering our crazy year.  But remember when I diligently wrote these letters each month?  That is going to have to be a thing of the past now that I'm going to have three kids.

    Anyway, the reason I'm saying you deserve this is because the last time I wrote, it was all about how much you were driving me crazy.  And now, six months later, we have returned to having a spectacular relationship.  Snuggling, hugs, kisses, hand-holding. A lot of that is because of the baby.  You love babies, and you love the idea that we're going to have a baby in our family again and you're constantly wanting to 'hug' the baby or 'kiss' the baby.  We've been having less fights about your clothes, and you've been a little more open to help in deciding which shirt matches which pants.  You still make annoying noises, but you're better about calming down when I prompt you.  We've been getting to spend a certain amount of one-on-one time with each other lately and it's been awesome.

    You are an awesome big brother.  Not always perfect, but lately you've been the best big brother I think I've ever seen.  Tonight at dinner Sabine stubbed her toe and started to cry, but before I could make it over to her, you'd scooped her up, put her on your lap and held her to you, rubbing her back.  You talked to her in a soothing voice and then helped her finish her dinner.  Sometimes I can't believe I'm witnessing a seven year old.  Also at dinner tonight, we had swiss chard from the garden, and you said, "Yes, swiss chard!  I love swiss chard!"  I think it's so cool that you like to eat things like that.  Each night for dinner we've had at least three or four things from the garden, isn't that awesome?  Cucumber, squash, zucchini, lettuce, snap peas, bush beans, garlic, broccoli, peppers.  One night everything we had for dinner, except for one ingredient, came from the garden.

    Last week in Sabine's letter I wrote about how I'm learning that I like you guys better when just one of you is around.  Something else I've been realizing is that just like in any relationship, my relationships with my kids come in waves.  Sometimes we have a rougher go of things, and then times passes and suddenly things are swell again.  Experienced mothers are always saying how you don't love one child better than another, just differently, and I'm totally getting to the point in my mothering experience where I can grasp that.  I'm also realizing that these waves in our relationship are natural, and sometimes one child's wave is up, while the other's is down.  So that while I may not love one of you better than the other, I certainly find that at any given time one of you is more in my favor.  And I'm ok with admitting that.

    Another thing we've been doing a lot of lately is weeding the gardens together.  It's just something that we both find very cathartic; maybe in your case the word is 'fun' or whatever.  But either way we sit together in nature and get to chit chat.  It's a very peaceful time for us.  We've baked together lately, which is something you've always loved to do.  Basically anything that involves housekeeping is right up your alley; laundry, dishes, vacuuming.

    These days I've been so anxious and antsy about waiting out these last days of pregnancy, that I've been dragging you and Sabine around from park to park and constantly running errands, that when we are home you are so happy to just veg out and play pretend things with Beanie.  Right away when school ended it was Play-Doh you were both really into.  Crafts are always a favorite.  Then one day you asked to bring the train set up from the basement (where it spent this whole past year ever since Daddy re-did the hardwood floors).  It had to be cleaned and disinfected (mice in the basement this winter) so you spent a couple of mornings doing that before playing with it, and ever since you've been sooo into building train tracks all around the house.  You guys like to paint out on the deck some mornings.  And you're into building giant block cities and furnishing them with a variety of Schleich animals.


    And baseball.  Still one of your favorite things.  You played little league again this spring, but what you really love are the Yankees.  We don't have cable so you either watch the live coverage one the computer, or listen to John Sterling on the radio.  You love to talk anything baseball with Daddy, and I'm amazed at the amount of facts you retain about the sport.  In the spring we went to visit Steve and Danielle and while we were there you and Daddy took a day trip to Sky Dome in Toronto to see the Yankees play.  I'd say your current number 1 activity is playing wiffle ball with Daddy in the backyard.  You and Sabine fight over who's going to get Daddy's attention when in the backyard.  She wants him for pushing on the swings and you want him for pitching balls.

    So right now it's summer and we're having a great time.  I'm so happy to have you back to myself after a long year at school.  You really enjoyed school, and I think it did wonders for you, but I'm still holding on to the hope that some day you can homeschool again, at least for one more  year.  You had ten kids in your class, in the one-room schoolhouse you attended.  I came in to your class a lot to help out, and I got a lot of experience in terms of being an involved parent in the school system.  I had to be persistent, and a little pushy at times, in order to be able to come in and get my time in your classroom.  So I feel like it was a really good learning year for both of us.  I feel like so much happened this year, so much growth took place and so much change.

    This coming school year is going to be something.  The new baby will bring lots of change.  I wonder if you're going to have trouble going back to school because you'll miss the baby too much.  But either way, things are going to be good because you're going to get another chance to show what an awesome brother you are.  I'm worried how the dynamic will change with you and Sabine though.  I know our relationship will change and takes on new shapes, but I hope we can still return to these times of calm and peacefulness, at least for a little bit.

Love,

Mommy

 

  

  

Dear Sabine: 3 Years

Dear Sabine,

      You are three years old!  I can't believe it!  And I'm writing this letter just one short month since you've turned three.  Last year it took me two months after your birthday to take official '2 year old' photos, so I think this is an improvement.  Plus we've got a lot going on in our family life right now.  We are, of course, about the become a party of five.  This baby waiting period has been a very long wait for you because you are just so super excited about the "baby coming over."  That is how you put it and how you've been saying ever since you found out.  It literally will be any day now, so it's hard to think about anything in our lives without thinking of it in terms of the baby, but I'll try.

So you are three, and three is proving to be harder than two was.  You love to have you some major tantrums these days.  Major Tantrums.  They last and they are mean.  And then you are done and you apologize and things are back to normal.  I'm finding it easier to ride them out than I may have if you were my first child.  I know a little more about what I'm doing this time.

This past year has been very full.  You started gymnastics in September and you really hit the ground running with that.  You absolutely love it and have always been happy to go to class.  And you are absolutely talented in the sport.  Miss Beth has taken you on as her class pet, and other people sometimes joke that they'll look for you in the Olympics in a decade or so.  At home you're constantly practicing handstands and cartwheels, or showing your various jumps on our bed.

Another thing you spend a lot of time doing is swinging on the swings in the backyard.  You like your daddy to push you on the swings whenever he is home.  He says that you could spend hours just swinging away without wanting to stop.  I tried to take photos of you swinging with him one day, and I found that I could not capture the essence of this activity.  It's a silent, serene activity, with only the creek of the swing making noise, and it is so peaceful to watch you guys out there in your spots.  Daddy's spent so much time in his position behind your swing that he's worn foot marks into the lawn.

Then there's the talking.  The Talking and the Asking of Questions.  It doesn't stop.  You don't stop talking - until we're out of the house and around other people.  They don't believe you can even talk.  One little girl at Playschool asked me at the end of the school year if you speak Spanish.  I asked her why she wanted to know that and she explained that she didn't think you spoke our language since she'd never heard you talk!  

I'm all for having kids ask questions to learn things, and I'm a big believer in the philosophy that there are no dumb questions, but I believe with you, in one year, I have reached my lifetime quota of answering questions.  You always want to know what time it is.  I don't think the time on a clock is even a thing to a three year old yet, but for some reason you always want to know what time it is.  So I've taken to using these as teaching moments, "Well, it's dark out and we're getting ready for bed," or, "You know that number right there, and this one is a seven, so what time do you think it is?" or, "Since you just asked that question 30 seconds ago and I told you it was 8:32, then what time do you think it is now?"

You also want to know how things got their names.  I don't mean proper names, I just mean words of things.  "Why's it called a broom?", "Why's it called grass?"  Etc, etc, etc.  I tell you I don't know and suggest that when you grow up you should become a linguist.  I feel very bad that I can't answer these questions.

In addition to asking questions, you love to talk about what you'll do for the new baby when it comes over.  You'll let it wear this, you'll help it do that, you'll love it so much.  

You tell 'tall tales' already.  How does this happen?  How does a three year old know how to lie already?  It makes it very hard for me when you are Jacob are each telling me something different.  Now that both of you know how to fabricate stories and play around with words, I can never figure out who to believe.  I know I should just let the two of you duke it out yourselves, but I feel like there's still too much of an age difference to leave you to fend for yourselves when it comes to sibling rivalry.  Jacob is too much bigger than you that he could really do some damage, and you're young enough that you're still learning the rules of sharing and other forms of proper behavior.

It's hard to talk or think about you or Jacob, without including the other because you are so close with each other that there's really no aspects of your lives that the other isn't intimately involved with or at least effected by.  I like it this way, I like that you are so close to each other.  Though I have to admit that it has been very hard these past few weeks since Jacob's been out of school because you always want to be right there with each other.  It's not often that you can be found doing separate activities.  And you play so much together that the fights just don't seem to end.  So I find that I've learned something very valuable about myself as a mother recently:  I realize that I experience boundless highs by observing you two interact and be loving to each other, but I think I like you better when I'm spending one-on-one time with either you or your brother.  This is an ironic revelation to have as we're about to add a third child to our family because now it will be even harder to get this one-on-one time, but I guess it is important to know and will also help as our family grows.

Oh, Sabine, Sabine...it seems I have hardly touched the surface of who you are.  I haven't gotten into any specifics of how we spend our days, or what your favorites are, or funny things you've said, but I guess I'm going to have to start trusting that these things that make up the essence of you won't disappear just because I haven't put them in writing.  I'll have to start trusting more people to remember these things for me, and hope that all the pictures I take have captured our day-to-day goings on sufficiently. There are some pictures I'm putting in here, in no particular order (because I don't have the time to mess around with it), which are some of my favorites of you this past year.  You are beautiful - a 23 lb ball of hilarious, compassionate energy.  You're very good at observing people and anticipating their needs.  You love to go get stuff for us and you know what you like.  Your favorites still seem to be orange juice and yogurt, along with anything sweet like cotton candy and ice cream.  And I love you to death.

Love, 

Mommy

 

 

Dear Sabine: January 28, 2011

Dear Sabine,

You are something else these days.  You still won't talk much around people who aren't in your immediate circle, yet at home you won't shut up.  You long ago had the phase where you picked up a new word each day.  Now you're repeating everything you hear, and as soon as you've heard a word once, that's all it takes for it to become part of your vocabulary.

A while back, maybe six months ago or so, we joked about you having a few catch phrases so that if you were once of those dolls who had a pull cord, you'd go through a cycle of about four or five phrases each time the string was pulled.  You said, "Red, stop!  Green, bo!"; When you pulled your shirt over your head you'd says, "I con't seeeee."  If you were eating something and one of the dogs came near you, you claimed that, "A puppy tried a eat my ood."

These days one of my favorite things to get you to say is "Hallo Thomas" in a British accent.  And since you're repeating a lot of things you hear us say, you've taken to using the exclamation, "Oh my od!" replacing God with od.  You love learning different signs (ASL) from me.  Currently turtle is your favorite, as well as the 'I love you' sign.  You love telling all your people that you love them as you sign it.

You're starting to really enjoy coloring in your coloring book.  You love naming the different colors and pointing them out as you see them in the world.  Right now you get very excited about green, and then go on to list "red and orange and white and black," as your favorite colors.  You like to point out when you see ABC's anywhere, and you're beginning to recognize numbers too.

You act like such a little mommy sometimes, going upstairs to 'check on Jeje' if he's been up there for too long without hearing from him.  If I tell Jacob to do something, you'll follow him around repeating what I said for him to do until he does it.  And you always make sure each of the animals has been fed or let out.

You have a deep need to make sense of things, to know why, to know the process of things.  You always want to know what each and every noise was; of passing cars, of any knocking noise that you hear.  Many things in your world are categorized into 'baby' or 'big'.  You have a baby (pinky) finger, there are baby (small) puppies (dogs).  Basically anything small is baby and anything not small is big.

Your favorite foods are still orange juice and yogurt.  You pretend a lot now, talking to yourself when you line up the Bob the Builder machines.  Lining those machines up is the activity you engage in the most.  And of course you love watching Bob videos.  You still carry Little Baby around, but just in the last couple weeks I've realized that you're asking for her a little less when she's missing.  Three or so days will go by before finding her becomes critical.  

In June you'll turn three; you're looking forward to being able to chew gum and recently you announced you want to ride a horse, so we've told you for your birthday you can ride a horse.  You're also looking forward to becoming a big sister in July.  I know you'll be an awesome helper and a great big sister.  I hope you'll always be my little girl though.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Emma

Dear Emma,

      I know you were probably trying to arrive on my birthday and you simply fell short by a few hours.  Don't worry about it, I, of all people, certainly understand the difficulties of being on time.  I'm also interpreting your time and day of arrival as a slight nod in my direction, as if you were saying, Yeah, I could have come on the 2nd of October, but hey, instead of honoring my mom's cousin in that way, I'll take my time because I know she'll totally get the late thing.

      I'm also writing to inform you that two nights in a row Sabine has spent several minutes looking at your picture on my computer before she'll fall asleep.  "Wan she Baby Emma," she demands.  Last night I thought it was safe to turn off the computer, but she asked to see your chubby little picture again and indicated to me that she wanted to give you a kiss.  Which she then did.

      So Miss Emma, we are glad to have you with us, and I am looking forward, with great enthusiasm, to meeting you.  Oh, and please tell your parents that we'd love some more pictures of you when they get the chance.  Hopefully your mom gets to read you this note because I'm sure you're not reading yet, but if you're anything like your parents you're going to be a very smart little thing.


     Welcome to the world, and tell your parents welcome to the club!

Dear Sabine: Month 12

Dear Sabine,

You turned the big 1 on Monday. We celebrated with a party on Saturday where we had close friends and family over. The weather was hot and muggy, then turned to rain. I said no way were you having cake because you hadn't earned it, with your little nibbles of baby cereal and Cheerios. No way was I going to give you a taste of sugar before you'd even developed a taste for the healthy things. But I let you have your first strawberry, and boy did you love it.

The real party happened in Daddy's office on your actual birthday. We had to get an oil change on the van so I'd dropped Daddy off at work and then later we'd gone in to pick him up. The day before Stella had brought over a small cake (presumably left over from her church that morning) and I instantly told Daddy to get it out of the house so I wouldn't eat it. Well Jacob remembered that cake and did a little snooping in Daddy's office. He found it and none of us could resist. We sat there in Daddy's office and shared one plastic fork dug from the back of a drawer and ate the entire thing - all four of us, including you! When we were done there was frosting smeared all over his desk and chocolate crumbs dug into his carpet. I thought to myself, now that's a birthday celebration worthy of our family. Nothing we ever do is within the realm of 'normal'.

For your birthday party, the 'formal' one where we had guests and such, you wore a frilly dress with pink flowers. Everyone was aghast that I would dress you in such an outfit, knowing full-well that I despise dressing you like an actual girl. But that was a special dress. I bought that dress two years ago in Colorado Springs when we were on our cross country trip. I spent more money on it than I would spend on a pair of shoes for myself, but when I saw it I knew that it was Sabine's dress. I wasn't even pregnant yet, but I knew a little girl with little brown curls was coming my way and so I bought that dress in size 12 months. And then I waited for you.

Boy were you worth the wait. You are so much fun, you're at the age where you're learning something new every day. Recently it's been high fives, your nose discovery(which you like to grab and squeeze, then crack up), a couple weeks ago you found your belly button and figured to dig your little finger in it. You love to wave "Bye-bye", give kisses, and hide stuff under the couch and bed. Seriously, something will be missing for a week or two and then one day we'll discover it tucked away behind the bed skirt.

And guess what...you took four tiny steps a month ago, and then not again until the other day. Your birthday actually. I couldn't call it walking though. Not until Wednesday, two days after your birthday, did you decide to use your new-found skill as an actual form of locomotion. And now you just love walking, can't get enough of it. This is different than it was with Jacob; I remember everything with him being more gradual. There wasn't any one day I could identify as him doing x, y, z for the first time, I couldn't pin point his exact first word. But with you it's clear you have definite opinions about yourself. That's not to say Jacob isn't opinionated - he very much has a mind of his own.

Speaking of words, you have many, most of which are the kind a parent needs to translate, but they fit the definition of a word. Water (which you love drinking!), light, doggie, Ginger, Daddy, rabbit, touch it, gentle, Na-na (which is me, we're working on making it Mama). You use several ASL signs and a few I made up. Infact, there is a sign you use most often and it is one you made up yourself. Instead of the more sign you adapted it and use it, as best we can tell, to mean 'want'. You do your little "uh-uh" chimp noise to get our attention and then point to something and do your want sign. You do this over and over, sometimes loudly if you're really excited. It's really freaking cute.

Also right around your birthday you started eating some actual food. You still only have two little teensy teeth but I guess you just decided it was time. You have no idea have this has improved my daily living. It's opened up different wardrobe choices for me, and it means other people can feed you for a chance. It means you can be bribed and coaxed by little bits of crackers and such. You're still nursing like a maniac, but it's been nice to have you eating some food. I actually don't know your weight because your birthday came and went without me even making an appointment for you 12 month visit. We're going next week though and I don't expect you to be over 17lbs.

Other things have gotten easier with you as well. Diaper changes are not always a traumatic event, but you're still not crazy about them. The same goes for getting you dressed. The carseat is not the torture device it used to be. Infact, we even made it home from Camp in four hours a couple weeks ago because you stayed happy while awake in your carseat for over an hour. Not as much stuff is going in your mouth these days, and when you do have something inappropriate in your mouth, you're more likely to turn it over to the autorities willingly.

Ride-on toys and the water remain among your favorite things. A few weeks ago you actually tried to ride the canister part of the vacuum cleaner while I was vacuuming. You wiped out and then proceeded to do an instant replay showing me what happened when you fell off. Your little horsey is a favorite ride-on here at the house. You just push that things all over the house, going in circles and steering like a pro.

And I can say that you are a bonafide water lover. You love being in the water, playing around and getting wet. You love drinking water from a cup and cry when I say you've had to much. Yesterday you actually threw up in the car because you'd had the water bottle unsupervised and drank too much. And always with the climbing. Everyday it is a new thing you've climbed, a new danger, a few inches higher that I have to move the breakables. At Jacob's gymnastics recital you were doing flips on the bars (with Daddy's assistance) and hanging from them (with no assistance). I expect next year it will be impossible to keep you off the equipment.

Well Sabine, if your first year is any indicator of the kind of person you're going to become, I think you're going to grab life by the horns, drink it in with gusto, and then puke it back up just to make room for the next adventure. I'll gladly join you for the ride.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Sabine: May 1, 2009

Dear Sabine,

You are ten months old and then some. You have a few words in your vocabulary; ones that aren't necessarily words per say, but in the technical sense, they are words. Most of your 'words' are just various strains of the 'D' sound. Da for Daddy, Doh for Dogs, deedee for Jacob, Dee for Tree. You love trees. You point to them and ask us in your little way to talk to you about them. You also love lights. You reach your arm up to the ceiling and use the sign for light. You ask for music by singing and shaking your hands in the air (very similar to your 'all done' sign) like you are using shakers. You do not have a word for me. You either have a word for something, or a sign for it, for me you use the nurse sign. Our relationship to this point in a nutshell.

Other things you love: The swing in the back yard. You crawled up to it today and put your arms up like you wanted to be picked up. Jacob pushed you in it for a while and you just cracked up the whole time. You favorite hang out spot these days is on the back of the couch, looking out the window that faces the driveway. From there you can observe every person who comes and goes. Ginger. You crawl up to her, pet her and she goes crazy wagging her tail. It's so funny to see you do this because it looks like you know what you're doing, you know, you're gentle and you don't smack her around and stuff. Pretty much all dogs you love. I think they may be your favorite thing. You squeal as you take a deep breath kick your legs around trying to get to whatever dog you see.

We're guessing 'dog' will be the first official word you say with all the proper letter sounds in order because we hear you practicing it a lot under your breath, adding in the middle 'oh' sound with more emphasis sometimes, and you've got the 'g' sound as well. The other sound you use is the 'b' sound. That's the one that you'll do just after we've fed you a bite of mushy food, so that it all comes spraying back out into our faces. I think you're starting to use it while you're tossing a ball around the room. Yes, you do that. You throw a ball and then go chase it across the floor. You do this completely by yourself and sometimes with objects that are not round. Soccer player? And the other day you held a piece of chalk in your left hand for about half an hour, at times brushing the ground with it, hard enough to leave a mark behind. Lefty?

People are always asking me if my experience of having this baby is much different from having Jacob as a baby. I tell them that for the most part it's very similar. And that's true. Most people I know have kids that are polar opposites of one another, but you and Jacob seem a lot alike. One thing I can say though is that with him everything was so gradual. Potty training lasted from 18 months to three years, it was not a weekend affair like so many people I know have made it. We say he started walking at about 10 1/2 months. I can't say I remember an actual first step, it all sort of blended into an eventual walking. First words, couldn't tell you really. I don't know if it's because I am now a second-time parent so I'm primed to recognize these things, or what. It's probably a little of that, also probably the fact that I write so much more of this stuff down now (a fact that causes me a horrible amount of guilt because I can't remember Jacob as a baby). But I do think that you are like a swift gust of wind. You're so ready to be walking, you could be doing it already, you just don't feel like it yet. I fully expect that ones of these days you'll just start walking across the room like you've been doing it your whole life.

Tonight while I was putting you to sleep (a job usually reserved for Daddy, unless you have fallen asleep nursing) you kept pointing to the window as the shade was blowing in the wind. You were using a word that sounded like your Daddy word, but I think you were saying 'that'. I think you were asking me to tell you about it, to give you a running commentary about your world like we always do, but it was Bedtime and I was not giving in. I just layed there with my eyes shut pretending to be asleep and you jsut kept on saying it and pointing. There was nothing in your experience that told you what to do with that, with someone ignoring you, so you just kept on asking, sure that I just hadn't heard you.

Speaking of tonight's bedtime, it was a different kind of going to bed tonight. For starters, it took two whole hours. I had two hours to myself at home tonight while Daddy and Jacob were at a baseball game. And of course it took two hours to put you to sleep. When they left I got a nightime diaper on you and brought you upstairs to nurse you. That you did, but you were still awake afterwards. I've been asking the question lately of when will you go to sleep on your own, meaning like when will you lay down awake and go to sleep like that, you know, not in someone's arms. So after you nursed you layed there all peaceful, but awake. It was very weird at first, but then I thought to take advantage of it. I thought I could sooth you to sleep like that. Even though that failed, I'd already started the process so I couldn't go back on it and start over a different way. Not unless I want you to have major sleep issues like Jacob. You spent all that time laying there, calm, but not asleep, gently playing around, but not getting too excited. Even though I wanted you asleep, it was so nice and so weird to witness that kind of quiet activity, not much about your is quiet. Anyway, two hours after it started, you fell asleep curled against me, not nursing and not in a vertical position, so that's good. That combined with the fact that I used the phrase morning nap in coversation last week without air quotes, I think that means we might be ok.

Love,

Mommy