This Week

So I started my online grad course. Like I said earlier in the week, I don't know what I was thinking...but I've been thinking on that and I decided that even though this is so freaking hard right now, I'm probably in the right place. I loved college, and I will eventually love this class - when it is over. Plus I feel like it's been a long time since I've accomplished anything real and measurable, that counts for something. I think I just wanted to prove I could do something with my life if I really put my mind to it.

I don't think this class is going to lead to the start of a program in the very near future, but I think in a way I signed up for it because I'm afraid to let 'school' be something to is too far in the past to pick up with again. So in this way I'm keeping education a part of my present life to make it more of a conceivable thing when I am ready to commit to a program. Not to mention this will be earning me credit toward an eventual degree. I already have three credits from a psychology course I took two years ago...so I'm getting there.

Also, I think even though this course work stress is unbelievable, and the work itself is incredibly challenging, it's given me a break from thinking about the usual daily stress of my life. So when the class is over my normal life will feel like a breeze. And it really is a breeze compared to this, but it hasn't felt that way lately and I think it's because I needed a little perspective and a little structure...so either way this is good...I just have to keep telling myself that.

I don't think I left the house all week except to take Jacob to gymnastics on Thursday and to the book club on Wednesday. Jacob's been getting out with other people, having a great time, but I've been holed up here at the computer for like five hours or more a night. I am so tired already I could sleep for a week straight.

Today we did get out because even though I could use an entire weekend of Zach being home so I can focus on all the reading (in preparation for all the writing I have to do during the week), he is still painting full days. Jacob and I went to the bookstore and then to a coffee shop (at his request). I got him a hot chocolate in a real 'for here' mug and we settled into some soft chairs. I did some reading and Jacob just likes to sit there watching people. I had trouble concentrating because I was watching how adorable Jacob was drinking his hot chocolate like a little adult. And when I paid attention I could see that other people were noticing too. One lady was walking away from the counter with her coffee in hand, watching Jacob drink his drink so carefully that she ran into a table.

As we were getting ready to leave an older man came along to the table and told me that Jacob is a fine young man, then he turned his attention to Jacob, introduced himself, shook Jacob's hand and asked him his name. Then they exchanged some pleasantries about the day and the man was on his way. i was so proud I could have cried! I think it's awesome that there are people out there who can really appreciate a child in public like that, and think highly enough of the situation, enough to make them unable to resist coming over to chat with my son. I wish there were more places in public where children were treated with such dignity.