Day 17: The Two-Straw Method

I bet you felt so sorry for Sabine in that last photo, so sad looking, waiting for her taste.  So I have to offer some resolution with this next post.  Eventually the fighting over whose turn it was become so bad, that I had to go get another straw and adopt the two-straw method.  They look like they belong on Happy Days.  Aww.

Seriously though, those shakes were four bucks a pop and I wasn't about to get them each one of their own.  Once you establish the "I want my own" precedent, there's no going back.  I hope this doesn't turn them to a life of anti-sharing when they grow up.  Forced into years of only getting half a serving, my adult children will go through life hoarding their food and hiding away stashes of goodies.

Day 3: Which on doesn't belong?

Need I say much here?  This is Reggie, our one rabbit that has house bunny status.  He roams around the house, messes with the dogs, and goes to the bathroom in his cage.  Also, he doesn't chew stuff that he shouldn't, which is the main reason it makes it so much more difficult to let the others run around the house.  The other day I caught Reggie hanging out on an empty spot on the toy shelf.  Cute, huh?

I call this one 'Perfect Timing'

 

Sabine was struck earlier this week with the stomach but that's been going around.  She threw up four times over the course of a day or so, with each one being more severe or more hilarious than the one before.  The first two times were while she was in bed.  The first one was not so bad; I thought it could have been a fluke.  After the second, it was clear that she was ill.  This picture shows the aftermath of the third time.  She was 'home sick' for the day, but insistent upon going outside to play.  I told her she could not go outside to play because she was sick.  But she did not care, and without my blessing, began to get herself dressed for the outdoors.  

I was in the other room when I heard the suspicious sound, and came around the corner to see this.  Just as I was walking over to her, I saw Zach in the window of the front door; he was just arriving home for lunch.  I got such a kick out of his perfect timing that I had to take a picture.  I wouldn't have left her standing there like that if the camera hadn't been right nearby.  But it was just too funny because he could see for himself what it was like to be home with a puking kid.  And as an added bonus, he was there to help me clean it up.

Part of the reason I took the picture was so I could prove to Jacob that his purple lizard really did need to be thrown out (there it is in the middle of the throw up at Sabine's feet).  Anyway, her snowsuit, jacket, gloves and hat all went directly into the washer.  Her boots had a good wipedown and that mat had to be taken to the car wash.  Later in the day Sabine threw up for the last time.  She was behind the couch, but hanging off of the back of it.  Zach was right in front of her and she puked all over the back of the couch, including the back of Zach's head.  I am sorry I don't have a picture of that.

Anyway, this is day 1 of a new stretch of 'picture a day' photos.  Hope it didn't ruin anyone's lunch, but I couldn't resist.

Dear Emma

Dear Emma,

      I know you were probably trying to arrive on my birthday and you simply fell short by a few hours.  Don't worry about it, I, of all people, certainly understand the difficulties of being on time.  I'm also interpreting your time and day of arrival as a slight nod in my direction, as if you were saying, Yeah, I could have come on the 2nd of October, but hey, instead of honoring my mom's cousin in that way, I'll take my time because I know she'll totally get the late thing.

      I'm also writing to inform you that two nights in a row Sabine has spent several minutes looking at your picture on my computer before she'll fall asleep.  "Wan she Baby Emma," she demands.  Last night I thought it was safe to turn off the computer, but she asked to see your chubby little picture again and indicated to me that she wanted to give you a kiss.  Which she then did.

      So Miss Emma, we are glad to have you with us, and I am looking forward, with great enthusiasm, to meeting you.  Oh, and please tell your parents that we'd love some more pictures of you when they get the chance.  Hopefully your mom gets to read you this note because I'm sure you're not reading yet, but if you're anything like your parents you're going to be a very smart little thing.


     Welcome to the world, and tell your parents welcome to the club!

Day 84: There She Goes!

Even though this isn't a really great photo, it's still going to become a family classic. Right after my brother hit the ball that was the one a bunch of us headed out in three different boats to collect as many balls as we could. There's a significant sand bar in the middle of the lake, due to it being man-made so several of the balls we actually within reaching distance.

The ball my sister was reaching for, however, was not in reaching distance. So she just kept leaning further and further to her left in order to reach the ball, until the kayak tipped right over. You can see from this photo that she did, in fact, have success in getting the ball. I also love (in the photo I linked to) that look on my brother's face as he's laughing his ass off because that's what we do in my family, especially when it comes to my sister.

Also, I'll link to this photo because I think maybe it's the one my brother has been asking for?

PS - this post is a day late because we have no internet at the house right now, the hardwood floor project is still going on.

Day 71: The New Face of Back Woods IPA

I'm not clear on the entire story, but then again, I'm not clear on most of the things that happened on our trip. This (the missing tooth) happened before we got to Cape May, which accounts for why I don't have my facts straight. Apparently Richard was in the ocean when this happened? He either lost his bridge, or lost the tooth. Either way, they both came out and one was lost, the other he was able to save. But it doesn't matter...what matters is that Richard walked around all week like this and it was pretty funny.

He let me take this picture at one point and we had a lot of fun deciding that it would grace the label of a beer, and what the name of the beer would be. Classy, right? I'm pretty sure it's ok to be posting this picture, if not, it's a good thing I'm leaving town one more time.

The only thing that could be more funny, would be to hear how he originally lost that tooth way back before it fell out the first time, causing the need for a bridge in the first place...

Day 63: Yes, we take our camera in hot tubs

This is just one of the great shots that I wanted to post of the April trip but this is the last day I'd prepared to be posting them. This photo won out because I liked the title I gave it. It's from the hotel in Virginia on our way back home from Myrtle Beach. We like to get our money's worth when we stay at hotels so we squeezed in this visit to the pool and here is the cuteness Zach captured from within the hot tub.

If everything went as planned, we got home last night, and if I can upload, and touch-up and all that, our photos fast enough, I can start posting the Cape May photos for tomorrow.

Ahh, it feels good to be home (that's funny because as of this writing, I haven't left yet).

Day 51: Art Therapy

Drafting this post in my head earlier today, it felt like I could make it short and brief, but who am I kidding to think that brevity has any rightful place in my life? So buckle up, or hold on, because the description that goes with this photo may contain boringness and you may fall asleep and bang your head on the desk if you're not careful.

Today my therapist asked me if I could journal it. And I was already forming this idea in my head of what I wanted to do, so I told her I didn't think I could, I didn't want to put that kind of negativity into a book that I carry around with me every day. And now that I'm home, typing this, (I have yet to take the photo that I've got in mind, the right characters aren't available at the moment) I sort of understand why I've been experiencing a craving to take this picture. I'm feeling caught between different emotions, going back and forth between being really, really angry and then realizing in the scope of things, it's not that big of a deal.

So I asked the therapist if I should just try to forget about it since no resolution is likely to come of things. On the drive home it occurred to me that forgetting about it or wrestling with the anger aren't the only two options. I need to put it into some concrete form so I can wrap my hands around the experience and shove it into place. I just need to get a hold of it, find it a good home in my psyche and get on with things; things that I'm supposed to be doing, like packing for the beach vacation, mowing the lawn, cleaning all the dog beds and anything else that might have fleas on it.

So here is my attempt at Art Therapy. This is Zach in the Civic, asleep, with Sabine on his lap, grabbing the wheel, at a pretend rest area.

This is why we were at the rest area: We went to visit long, lost friends for a few hours in NYC on Sunday. We took every wrong turn that was possible getting out of the city and that is why at 1am Monday we were still traveling and not yet cozy in bed.

This is why I needed to take this photo: Because someone else at that rest area decided it looked funny and took a picture of this scene while I was inside getting coffee. Except I was already on my way out and was right behind her when the flash went off. She saw me, my brain registered what just happened, her brain registered that those funny people belonged to me, and she went running inside.

This is what happened next: I took a split second to look back at Zach and see what she'd been taking a picture of, then turned back around and yelled, "Hey! Did you just take a photo?" If the bitch would have stopped running I could have just said, "Would you mind deleting that, please?"

My yelling that to her woke Zach, who opened the door for me and I shoved the hot coffees into his hands. I grabbed Sabine because he didn't have any hands left, and yes, someone just took a picture of my baby so my protective instinct made me hold her to my heart. Zach asked what happened and I said, "She just took a picture of you!" When I said that out loud I realized what I had to do. Not because I am particularly brave, or because I have a tendency to stand up for myself, I am neither of those. But because I am damn stubborn and will be heard, but the bitch kept running, so she left me no choice. I still had Sabine in my arms so in I walked with her.

My sister doesn't think that I should have confronted someone with my child in tow (an actual CPS worker), but I seriously had no idea it would become a confrontation. The silly little girl was embarrassed and so she ran, once I met up with her I assumed she would delete the photo at my request. Also though, I was not going to leave Sabine in the car with Zach, who was just coming to.

I waited for her little black flip flopped feet to emerge from under the stall for a good five minutes. When she came out I politely said, "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?" When she ignored me I moved a little closer and started again, "Excuse me, did you just take a photo of my family?" But this time she didn't let me finish, she starting yelling at me very loudly, so that everyone would hear. "Did I take a picture of your baby?! Of course I did! You left your child alone in the car!" She started walking away from me, and I yelled back that I did not and that she was well aware of the fact that I didn't leave my child alone because she saw my husband in the car with her and that's why she took a picture. We were in the lobby by now and everyone was watching us because she was yelling louder.

At this point her 'male companion' (who I like to think of as Ass Hole Boyfriend) came along. A lot of this is a blur in my mind now because I was having such heightened emotions. But she kept yelling the same thing over and over again, and I was not backing down. I think she wanted to embarrass me, and normally I am VERY concerned with how I look to others, but I honestly didn't care because my outrage was so great. And I think that she was proceeding with such indignity, that other people could tell she was the antagonist in the situation. Things went on like this as we moved toward the door (because she wouldn't stand still and face it like a decent human), and that's when she thought up the idea to declare she works for CPS.

Not for a second did I actually believe she worked for Child Protective Services because that's just a stupid thing to say. But also, um, no, if your livelihood is based on caring about endangered children, then no, you don't take a photo and run away. You call the police. You wait for the police to get there, you proceed with the situation calmy. And even if you don't work for CPS and you are just a concerned human being, then you still call the police and alert them that a child is left alone in an automobile. And then, when that mother you're screaming at asks what county you work for, and to see your identification, you hand it over, as policy dictates. You don't let your Ass Hole Boyfriend then get into the mother's face (the mother who is holding a 20 lb toddler) and scream at her. In her face. 2 inches away from her baby's face.

And that's what really bothers me. You don't act like that in front of a child. Me - that's one thing. You don't do that around someone's baby. And I definitely hope you never, ever procreate because God help those children. And it also really bothers me that she couldn't just delete the photo. Seriously, that is all I wanted. Not because there's anything 'incriminating' in it or because I thought Zach's skin was a little off color, or maybe I thought she could have gotten a better angle. But my child was in that photo. I seriously can't get myself enough into her shoes to figure why she couldn't just be a normal human, why she had to react so offensively.

And I know it's not that big a deal that she took a photo of my kid. It's not. But it's her reaction to my request and the way they harassed me that is what makes me feel so violated. It's everything after the photo, not just the photo itself.

I realize there are far worse things that happen to people, like actual crimes that are committed, and I'm not trying to put myself on the level of that kind of violation. That's why I'm writing this, so that I can get it out of my system and get on it with it.

And so getting back to the part where I attempt to make light of the situation, infuse it with humor and make it concrete so that I can grab a hold of it and put it away: You may have taken the photo Stupid Bitch, but I stole it from you in the end. And when you look at the photo and post it to your facebook account, you''ll probably have to look at your ugly face lit up in my car window's reflection.

You peeled away with your Ass Hold Boyfriend, but I got your license plate number:

BWF-8673

Day 47: My Little Barbie Centaur

You like? It's a new toy I'm going to be pitching to Mattel. I think they're going to sell like hotcakes!

Not really. Last weekend after Marisa's birthday party my sister and I sat down to go through her (Marisa's) closet to make room for new stuff. First off, simply opening the closet is risky enough; it's waist-high piles of clothes and toys. But we made it through, with minimal refereeing from my mother. See, my sister has a paycheck with which she buys things. I do not. I make things.

I've been thrust into many situations with my sister this summer and I'm trying to understand how we ever came from the same family, let alone the same planet. I don't think I will ever have an answer to that, but I have come to a very basic definition of how we differ:

Nicole: works all day = paycheck = money = buys things
Stacey: work all day making things = no paycheck

I've simply cut out the middle man, that doesn't mean that I'm above having money. I would love to have money, but right now my main commodity is my time. For instance, we brought in a nice harvest from the backyard today so we don't have to go to the store and buy that food. That's because I'm home during the day to maintain the garden. My sister has to spend money to buy those things.

It's a simple equation, but neither of us understands the others' lifestyle. At all. And that's where things fall apart.

Anyway, the whole point to this crazy looking animal is that when we were going through Marisa's closet my sister pulled out things and announced they were for the garbage pile, and I either screamed, "Nooo, RECYCLING!" or "Noooo, I can make something out of that!" or "Nooo, I can FIX that!" Seriously, she wanted to throw out everything, including perfectly useful stuff and I was freaking out because I don't understand why it's so difficult to recycle something instead of dump it. She'd rather have been done with the whole project because she had to go to work in the morning.

So to be funny I took this Barbie head (actually from a Bratz doll) and the body of a My Little Pony out of her garbage pile and said I could make something with them. Then it came to me that they would go perfectly well together. I got out the hot glue gun and viola. And now that I've written about my sister and me and our differences, I see this hybrid doll as a metaphor for our relationship. We are two completely different people, and when we are together we make about as much sense as this freaky doll.

And now that I have gone and assigned the centaur a metaphorical meaning I must call it art and keep it forever. Great.

Day 46: Super hoe

When we were driving up to Camp with Jen and Dan, we had to go through Lake Placid to stop at a grocery store. Super Shoes is on the main road and when we passed it this is what we saw. I laughed my ass off about it, and when we arrived at Camp, Zach and Dan (who were in the other car following the moms and kids) said they'd seen it too and had been cracking up. I know this kind of vandalism happens all the time, but I have to give credit to the 'artist', sometimes the best comedy comes from the simplest humor.

I was crossing my fingers that the sign would still be in this condition when I drove home four days later (this time with my sister and Marisa), and it was. Since I was stopping to take a picture of it anyway, Nicki went in and bought Marisa two new pairs of shoes. And perhaps that's the reason they've left it that way - it could be good for business! I hope they leave it that way forever. Then I can say "I'm un go and git me some new kickers at the Super Hoe!"

Day 44: Eight Years

This isn't really the best picture of any of the kids, but it's cool because none of them are crying yet, and there's Camp in the background. You see, this was just before the shit hit the fan. We were in the row boat, me rowing and my sister in the front. Benny the bug-eyed dog was with us too. I snapped this photo just before my sister thought it would be a good idea to throw Benny overboard and see what he would do. (This isn't as cruel as it sounds, we in a man-made lake and there's a considerable sand bar smack dab in the middle of the lake).

Benny fared well for a couple minutes; he poked around the island, sniffed at some stuff floating on the surface of the lake. Then the wind came in with a huge gust and Jacob's precious Yankees hat flew off his head and into the water. He started crying for his hat, and so I started trying to row back to it, but the wind was killer and we were all laughing so I was experiencing the temporary loss of my abdominal muscles. With the sudden rise of emotions going on in the boat, Benny started to get freaked out that we were leaving him on the sand bar for good.

That's when Marisa starting bawling her eyes out because Benny had surpassed the point where he could touch bottom and was now swimming to the boat. Problem is, he's a abnormally-bred dog whose behavior doesn't really even resemble a dog - he's more of like a gremlin - and his breast stroke resembled someone drowning (not to mention his ever-bug-eyed look); hence Marisa crying: She thought he was going under.

Project Yankees Hat Recovery had to take a back seat to the dog and my sister and I were still laughing our butts off. Actually, she was peeing her pants (her words) and I was struggling to maintain my composure so that I could row the boat. And do you have any idea how hard it is to row a boat to a precise location while struggling against the wind and a boat full of hooligans? Sabine was the one laughing her butt off. She was cackling away, pointing at Benny, as if it was the funniest thing she had ever seen. And on either side of her were Jacob and Marisa, each screaming at me to save their precious belongings.

Anyway, the dog and hat are both safely back in their respective homes, and we all made it out alive without having to jump overboard. It is a nice memory, one I am recalling in honor of Marisa's eighth birthday (Today) because I was there when she was born, and I love her, despite the fact that she often makes me want to throw her out the window!

Day 38: Power Outage

We love power outages. And if you can guess what this drunk-looking toddler has to do with the power going out, then you win. Woohoo! Anyway, we really do love it when the power goes out because we get to do things that we'd never have the excuse to do in real life. Like, for instance, eat really mushy ice cream in bed at 10:30pm (or who knows, maybe it was even later, you don't know, your power is out!) from a cone, when normally, your parents would never-in-their-right-minds give you your own cone because you're only two and if they set the principle then you'll forever be wanting your own cone?

Yes, that's the kind of thing that happens when the power goes out.

And then in a flash, when the power goes back on and all the lights are like, "waaaaahhhh" in your face, suddenly everyone is laughing at you because they had no idea how you were faring over there on the other side of the bed with your first-ever-own-cone. And then you yourself realize what a mess you have become and stumble over to the other side of the bed for a long, cold drink of water to wash away the sticky, sugary taste in your mouth like there's no tomorrow.

Update on the corn

The trash goes out tonight. I am so excited to get rid of that rancking (I just made that word up) tub of nastiness . The garbage went out last week, which left the can empty for me to shove that bin in there. It just fit when I squeezed it in on its end, but to get anything else in the can, we have to lift the tub that held the corn out slightly above the lip of the garbage and shove whatever it is into the tub.

Even though it's out of sight now, it's still not out of mind. It was a real scorcher last week, we had one day that topped off at 99 degrees. The tub of rot was just sitting in there, turning into more rot. Remember, this is after the stuff has been dumped, it's just the empty tote bin now. When the Verizon tech came last Tuesday to fix our internet, she was in the vicinity of the garbage can so that when I went outside at one point to ask her if she needed me to do anything, I could smell it ten feet away and rushed over to move it. She said, "Oh, that's where the smell is coming from..I kept smelling myself hoping it wasn't me who stunk."

Also, one night when Zach was taking out a small bag of garbage, the kids and I were near the window that is closest to the big garbage can. We couldn't see him because it was dark, but we could hear him and for a minute I thought he was making spooky sounds to scare the kids, but then I realized he was gagging trying to get the bag into the garbage! I laughed my butt of for a good five minutes after that.

The only thing that could have been worse than puking from the smell of the that (which we have decided smells like actual puke) it if the mess of corn and mold and unidentified liquid had actually come in contact with our skin. I had a real close call on the day that I took the photos of it. Notice below that the lid is askew on top of the container. Well that's because I took the close-up photos first and then when I went to put the lid back on, not wanting to even touch the outside, I used my foot to try to slam the lid back in place. I was a little too forceful and as the corner of the lid went into the container, my foot slid and almost followed right into the corn! Before I realized that I'd made it away safely, I was envisioning pulling my bare, maggot-covered foot out with the accompanying pain of having your flesh eaten away at. I'm not sure how that little pail got on top of the lid. I may have thrown it as a knee-jerk reaction while I was screaming and running away; the kind of reaction you have when a monster is coming after you and you grab whatever meager implement you're holding in an effort to fend it off.

Our 'Special' Child

I posted this picture a couple weeks ago and since then Sabine has been really into that helmet. As you can see from the picture below, Jacob was responsible for Sabine ending up in the crock pot box - zooming around the house at top speeds (hence the need for the helmet) - which anyone could have guessed. What I think they were trying to do was invent a new Olympic sport, one they could enter as a brother-sister team. Good luck with that endeavor, I say, as long as they don't use any of my good boxes ;-)

When I was showing pictures one day, someone remarked that Sabine looks like a 'special' child in that helmet. Indeed she does.
Here she is after putting on her own jammies. Poor thing couldn't figure out why she wasn't walking right, but Heaven help the person who might try to fix her right leg into the proper place. The one butt cheek look was kind of darling though so I would have hated to see it be corrected anyway.


But when you consider the man that half my children's genetic material came from....is it any wonder? Neither of them really had a chance for normalcy.
What a special girl she is....

There's a very good explanation for this...

I'm just not sure what it is.

Lay your fuzzy lit'le head down

I was just watching Sesame Street with the kids when Ricky Gervais came on to sing Elmo to sleep. I love it when celebrities are on Sesame Street. I've got to hand it to the SS peeps, they make the show interesting for parents and kids alike. We laughed our butts off and then I promptly when to youtube so we could watch it again. Here it is for anyone wanting a silly laugh, also, for my future quick-reference.

Anyway, I can tell how the next hour is going to go because after each youtube video they keep popping up another funny celebrity guest appearance.

Bull Riding

This activity has quickly become a favorite pastime in our house. It's just one of the many ways we spend hours being silly. The kids just can't resist. Even if Zach is just bending down to get something, one of them will usually jump on him in some way and then there's no going back. The other child, from whatever corner of the house they're in, dropping whatever it is they were occupied with, appears and joins in.



We're all so very lucky to have Zach as a father and partner in parenting.

All Smiles

My family and I often notice clever commercials and really appreciate their creativity. One of our favorites right now is the American Express commercial with all the faces. Zach suggested that I take some inspiration from the commercial and capture some photos like that. Well that was a couple months ago and I've only gotten one photo, so rather than this post being a collection of smiles, it's just one. But at least now I've got the tag going and it will be easier to post them in the future. For today, I hope my cheese grater makes you smile:

Kenny

Doesn't he evoke memories of a certain South Park character? What's even more funny is that he sounds just like Kenny when he tries to talk.

Every year it takes a couple months for Jacob to adjust to the weather changes that come with the shift in seasons. This past November he was still insisting on leaving the house in a t-shirt and shorts. When he finally got the hang of dressing weather appropriate, this is the extreme form it took. Come summer, it'll be easy to spot Jacob at the playground: He'll be the kid sporting winter boots and a flannel shirt.

A reminder why I should always have my camera with me

Uh....Where to start? What is this? Why is God's name is it riding in the back of this truck? Is this some sort of statement?

Anyway, this was too good to not take a picture of. I was at a red light when I came upon this scene and Thank God I actually had my camera with me. I didn't hesitate in whipping it out to take a couple shots through the windshield. My mom was actually with me, she in the passenger's seat, with me driving. After the light turned green and I didn't have a great shot, she even offered to take the wheel so I could get another picture!

I really have no idea what this is supposed to be, where that poor lady is headed, or what her fate will be. I don't think I want to know...