I'm melting...I'm melting!

There were many different titles I was considering for this post, but right now quoting the Wicked Witch of the West seems most appropriate, because, quite literally I am melting. It is really hot and I am here, still pregnant. I had hoped today would be the day. In fact, I have been telling the baby, willing it for months now to be born on this day. There isn't much significant about June for me so I figured a birthdate of 6/7/08...get it, numerical order...would be the best I could hope for.

Anyway, the only positive thing I can see in the situation now is that at least I won't be like this all summer. And of course that I still have a baby, whether it's out there in the world yet or not. Through all my complaining I am secretly always thinking of my friend who lost her baby a year ago this month. And no matter how miserable I am I am not taking the aliveness of the thing residing inside of me for granted. And I'm also secretly fearing that something will happen to the baby. I think that must be what I am most anxious about in all this waiting. Sure I want to have a little baby to hold and love, but mostly I want to know that it will be ok in the end. And I'm always feeling a desperate aching for my friend.

Hm...not what I was going to write about. I can't even remember where I was going at the start...oh yeah, something like I'm really pumping myself up for having a baby and trying to fill myself with positive energy, and right now I feel totally ready and psyched...and nothing is happening and all that energy is building up inside of me making me crazy. So crazy that I just want to scream and throw things around the room. And I'm afraid that the energy is going to build up so much that it will eventually begin to dissipate and then I will have none of it left by the time the baby is ready to show up...

Erg...the waiting...