Sabine: Month Three

Dear Sabine,

Today you are three months old! Today I held a baby who is one week old, and I talked to a mom who has eight kids. Her oldest is turning 16 today. It was kind of weird to be in that experience because it was all happening at the same time. The mom with her one week old to my right, the mom pregnant with her ninth just to my left, and everyone's milestone on the same date. It was almost like a metaphor for how fast your life is already zipping by. Yesterday you were just born and tomorrow you will be a teenager.

As I sat in that moment, looking down at you curled up in my lap, it occurred to me that you are no longer a new baby. You are a little person. You have a developing personality and definite preferences about how you want to approach the world. And it is clear to me that you will not take this life sitting down. It seems you always want to be standing up, with just the minimal amount of help from me, your fists wrapped tightly around my fingers. You want to see everything that is going on. You're getting taking it all in, getting ready for the time when you can participate.

It's also clear to me that you are here to teach us something about life. Being happy, mellowing out, going with the flow, are just some of the things you seem to have an innate ability for, yet from you I'm also learning how to sleep soundly and the importance of getting to bed when it's time, and that a little bit of structure and routine don't have to be bad things. You are a wise soul. It seems whatever we are doing, you have this serenity about you. Serene Sabine.

You sleep well, but also, in the years since Jacob was a baby I think I've learned a little about how babies sleep. Mothering my first baby was sort of like fumbling along and making it up based on my instincts as I went along. You are helping me put all the pieces together. You sleep with you arms above your head, with absolute confidence that you'll be taken care of and protected during the night. I hope to use your example to help me put a little more faith back into my experience of the world. And when you do wake up you just make little sucking noises to alert me - always sucking your hand, someone's arm, the air, Jacob's face when he sticks it near you to be funny.

You rarely have to cry because somehow we've got this great communication. You give a little call and I come, then the smiles start. I am always, always greeted by you with a smile, as are most people. It is such a joy to see your absolute happiness with just being here. I'm so glad you're here and I love nothing more than to look into yours eyes and see those familiar features gazing back at me.