It's official

Sabine has a new middle name. I'm sorry I didn't tell you all last night, I have so little excitement in my life these days, well except for watching a baby sigh in her sleep and all those heart-stopping things. It was fun keeping everyone in suspense, if only for a day.

So her name is Sabine Clarise. I spoke with a woman at the county today and it was very easy to do over the phone. She said, "And take Lorelai completely out?" And for a second I thought to myself hey what's wrong with two middle names?

Sabine Clarise. That fits.

Dont order that monogrammed receiving blanket just yet...

I think we're going to change Sabine's middle name. Sabine was never a question but I really struggled with the middle name. I went into the hospital with a number of possibilities and figured that when we saw her we would just know which one fits. Well that didn't happen before we left the hospital and the last thing I ended up doing before we could leave was to go back through the birth certificate papers and write in 'Lorelai' because that had been the front-runner for the span of my pregnancy and we figured we'd treat it as the default name since we weren't getting a particular 'feeling'.

In the few days that we've been home with her, Sabine just doesn't seem to evoke a Lorelai vibe. We love the name, but for some reason it doesn't suit her. The one that keeps popping into my head is one that was mostly a fleeting suggestion. I am a person obsessed with baby names so this decision is one that is very important to me and I have put way too much serious though into.

In the beginning of my pregnancy I decided that I wanted my baby to have the same first two initials as me because our last names would be different. I am Stacey Leigh, Sabine Lorelai would be perfect. The second syllable of Sabine is stressed so the middle name needs to have a certain ring to it to make up for the flat sound of the 'ine'. Also, Zach's last name has a beginning sound that makes it awkward to use a name ending in the long 'e' sound or the short 'a' sound. This eliminates a great number of names. Lorelai works as well because that would give she and Jacob the same number of syllables in all their names, 2-3-3. I like when things work out that way.

The new middle name does not start with an 'L' and it is only two syllables. Who cares, right? Well I'm trying to get over that. Those are my only reservations. The name I think we're going to go with has meaning for me on a number of levels. That pretty much makes it a tie, but the thing that's got us seriously thinking about changing it is that Zach and I both came to the conclusion independently of one another that Lorelai just doesn't fit and we didn't say anything to each other until a few days later.

Anyway, that's that for now. A lot of people ask about where Sabine came from (and they mispronounce it - which I actually didn't think would be an issue - it's Sa-bean). There was an ancient tribe of women in Italy called the Sabine Women, but I first became aware of the name when I read Griffin and Sabine as a teenager. I rediscovered the book when Jacob was a baby. I had planned to name him Olivia Grace if he was a girl and would have used that name this time but it started getting popular after he was born. I was in search of a very different name and then I came across the trilogy while we were in Barnes & Noble. So that's where it's from. Sabine is the German version and Sabina is the Italian version (unless I've got that backwards).

Meet Sabine

Here's my little girl. I've finally gotten around to posting pictures! Isn't she freaking cute? I know I have to say that, but c'mon, seriously...

I think back to over a year ago when I was baby-craving, and I wrote this. It almost brings tears to my eyes because Sabine is everything I imagined. It's like the story was written before it even started. I pictured the outline a long time ago and now the details are just beginning to be filled in. I feel complete.

I also know how that will probably make some people want to barf, but I have to say that I am just one of those people who is completely fulfilled (at least in this moment) by motherhood. And in the interest of appreciating what I have, living life to the fullest and all those other cliche sayings, I am so lucky that I have a life where I am doing the thing I most want to do.

Sabine

Where do I start? I have a little girl. She was born on Sunday, June 22nd. I got to the hospital at about 5:30 and she was born at 6:46pm. We named her Sabine Lorelai (Sabine with a long E sound), although her middle name took some consideration and we're still not sure we're really married to it. I supposed as she grows on us, the name will become a part of her and then it will be too late to change it. Boy am I glad not to be pregnant anymore!

Anyway, I've been wanting to post this for a couple days but I'm without a computer as it is being repaired. I suppose this is a good thing because it's nice to not have much to do but sit around with my new baby. I basically just want to hold her and look at her all the time. When she's sleeping (and she seems to sleep more than Jacob ever did) I miss her and want her to wake up so I can look at her eyes. When she's awake she is very alert, and this is not just coming from her mother, everyone says so.

The other two things that everyone agrees on is that she has great neck control and that she's freaking beautiful. How did I get so lucky??

We didn't plan it, but right away we started calling her Beanie and it just seems to fit. Whenever Zach calls her Sabine it kind of jars me because it's weird to think of her as having a name already. It seems like she should be 'the baby' for a little bit longer. For so long it was like, "If it's a girl we'll use Sabine." I wanted something different that no one else will have.

She spits up a ton (something we are used to from Jacob's baby days) and sleeps well. Although that is that most I will say of the latter because I feel like there should be a parental code where those who have good sleepers never talk about it in order to not jinx it, as well to not rub it in the faces of the parents who don't have children who are 'reliable' sleepers.

Overall this is a very different experience than I had with Jacob. Things are completely opposite. Nursing has come very easily. I am more confident. We're just relaxing into being the parents of this little girl. Jacob is in love with her. He's as big a helper as we suspected he would be, but we can also tell it's hitting him hard. When he acts out, he really acts out and it's started to feel a little like walking on eggshells around him. But more on that another time.

I wanted to post pictures but I'm still having trouble uploading them because of the no computer thing and I haven't had enough time on the bits of borrowed internet I'm getting at my mom's.

Creepy Crawlies

My world has become very small...

Walking Stick

Carpenter bee looking at me

House fly on the counter - much
sanitation followed...

The one that looks like a cracker -
according to Jacob

Thing that almost crawled on my leg

Very interesting looking - I would
like to meet this little bugger

Shiny bugger

Spider on the fence line

Fast little guy

'Clipper bug'

Upside-down spider

Something pretty to leave you with -
Gerbera Daisies, my favorite.

I've never been on time for anything in my life...

...why should childbirth be any different for me? Jacob was eight days late, so this waiting is becoming all too familiar. All along I've been assuming I was going to have a June baby. It is just hitting me now that I could possibly have a July baby. Yikes.

Well, the gathering yesterday went well. It was so nice having the moms here and being around all that maternal energy. I really thought all the estrogen might kick the other hormones into action. Also, I got to hold a new baby. He smelled sooo good. That alone should be enough to generate some contractions.

I haven't been keeping count but a rough estimate of the babies born to people I know in the last three weeks is probably eight or more. Two of them were born yesterday. On my due date. I know of four births this week alone. Why is it when you are having a baby, suddenly the rest of the world is too?

Anyway, it's mostly sitting around from here on out because walking, driving, cooking, basically anything ending in -ing, has become difficult. So today I walked around the backyard taking pictures. If my computer doesn't die between now and the next ten minutes, I'll post some of those...to be continued...

Third time's a charm

I've previously set two dates for the arrival of this baby, but it has failed to abide by my wishes. I have decided that this Saturday will be the day. My midwife is not on call this weekend, but she will be at another local hospital and she said if she's not delivering any babies there that she'll have them call her and come deliver my baby. Yay!

So this weekend is good. Saturday is the solstice, that is definitely significant. I would love to have a baby on that day. Also, I am hosting the book club at my house tomorrow. I love having everyone over and it seems appropriate to host my favorite activity on my due date (which is tomorrow), and it's one of my favorite books that we're reading, To Kill a Mockingbird. There will be 10 moms and I figure 18 children here tomorrow. If that's not enough excitement to get this baby outta me, then I don't know what is.

Here's to a speedy delivery...I really hope the next time I write won't be for a while because I'm too busy being in the hospital and all...

More mice issues

Last night Jacob yelled down to Zach and I that he saw a mouse in his room. Since Jacob's currently in that 'telling tall tales' phase, we didn't consider that he might be telling the truth for even a second. We humored him for a minute and then let it go.

Well tonight I was messing around with more baby stuff and Zach was hanging something from the ceiling in what will soon be the kids' room, rather than just Jacob's...and he called me over to look at something on the dresser. It was a mouse poop. We considered that it could have fallen out of something that had been sitting on the dresser, but really there was no denying that it wasn't there the day before and that it most likely came directly from a mouse butt. I. Wanted. To. Hurl.

I'm pretty comfortable with the idea that most houses in this area have mice living in the attic at any given time, and fine with the knowledge that we've got them in our attic, but when they come mingling into our lives like that, that is where I draw the line. Even worse than that is what Zach told me next, he said he saw a mouse in the new part of the basement last night, as well as a dead baby mouse down there. Ughhhh. This makes sense because a couple weeks ago we found a little guy wandering around the outside of the house and we captured it for release in the field.


So this is just great, a great time to have a mouse problem. I've just done forty loads of laundry for all the baby stuff, I really don't want to have to wash all that stuff again. I won't unless I find irrefutable evidence, but now I want to sanitize every surface in the house.

Getting some things off my chest

It's Tuesday. I'm still pregnant. For two weeks now I've been having all sorts of crazy pains that I didn't have with Jacob. It's not normal pain and for the first week of it I thought for sure I was in labor. It's pain that changes me, I get mad or weepy, I can't concentrate on anything, and sometimes it knocks the wind out of me. Stuff is building up inside with nowhere to go, I previously had all this positive energy built up in my reserves but now it is running dry. The midwives tell me all the pain I'm describing is normal, etc, but no one I know can relate to feeling this way when they were pregnant. And I've been asking a lot of people. This is frustrating.

On Saturday a wise friend told me to stop doing things, clear my schedule, relax, and then it would happen. I tried. It's just not me though. I can't sit still to save my life. I keep doing things, keeping the house immaculate because I want to come home from the hospital to a clean house, washing more baby shit, making room. Making to-do lists and then not finishing them. So I'm convinced that I just need to finish these last few things and then the Universe will reward me.

I had putting off filing half a year's worth of paperwork for the longest time. I finally did it last week. I've got a couple little business-y things that are 90% completed that I need to finish up. I have a gift for a friend that needs to be shipped off to Virginia. I really need to write the thank you note to the vet's which is three months late. If I could just clear these last little things from my to-do list I'm sure it would happen. So you see I can't settle down. Writing this post is one of the things on my list too. It's not really anything I think anyone is interested in, more for my record.

So here's some other random stuff: I was lamenting to Zach the other day how much I miss my clothes. I said I go and visit them in my closet every once in a while and dream about when I can wear them again. He likes to tease me about how fat I am. It has become a joke in my family to make fun of me. But the one thing you should never say to your 9 month+ pregnant wife, "Gee, do you think you'll ever be able to fit into them again?"

I mentioned above that at times I have been getting angry and impatient. It's a hormone thing. Last week I had to pick up something at the library, a different library than my usual one. A library I've written about before in a negative way. No matter how many times I give this library a chance, the nasty librarians there never fail to prove me right. My theory is this is the library they send all the ones who couldn't get a job at a nice library on account of the sticks up their butts.

I'm waiting in line to pick up a couple Clifford books for Jacob that he'd been asking for. Zach was in the car with Jacob, who had just fallen asleep. I knew I had a two dollar fine awaiting me, but that didn't matter, you don't have to pay your fines right away. They always politely ask if you want to take care of your fine today, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, and that is just fine with them. There was this lady leaning up against the front counter with a giant list of "all her summer reading" written on the back of an envelope. She was standing there having the librarian look up each and every book to see if they had it, and if they didn't, going through the process of requesting it from another library. Two feet behind me stood the computer with the catalog in it. I felt like ripping the list out of her hand and saying, "Lady, lemme just look them up for you over here." Seriously, she couldn't do it herself? The worst part was that the SECOND librarian was sitting on her butt at the desk behind the counter. I was being totally rude and I kept walking around to the side of counter and staring at her. After like 10 minutes to first librarian, in her squeaky voice said, "Bonnie, can you come help this patron here?"

Bonnie came over, retrieved my books from behind the counter and swiped my card. She told me that I had a two dollar fine and I said, "I know, I'll have to take care of that next time," and with my wallet secretly stashed in my pocket I added, "I don't have any cash on me today."

"Well, you can't check out your books today then." Are you kidding me? Are you really going to say that to a pregnant woman who has been waiting in line for a damn kids book for ten minutes?!

"Oh, really?" I played dumb. "Is that just the policy at this library?"

"No, it's like that at all the libraries." Why would she lie to me like that? Do I look stupid? I frequent to libraries at least twice a week. I know all the damn rules. If you're a crummy, miserable librarian eager to pull a power trip, why do it to me, then? Why not pull that crap with someone who deserves it?

I wanted leap across the counter and do something unspeakable to her. Instead I gritted my teeth, dug my nails into my wallet and said, "Well, I'll have to go run back to the car then." So I walked back to the car with my blood boiling and approached Zach. "Here," I thrust him wallet and said, "I have to pretend I'm getting money from you to pay the late fee." Then I opened my wallet, took out a dollar (I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of paying the whole fine) and proceeded back into the building. When I got there, instead of having all my books ready to go, she then started scanning then at a snail's pace. The lady with the list was still hanging around reading off titles, by the way. I didn't think it was going to be physically possible for me to leave there without blowing up, but I did. It probably took an hour for my blood pressure to return to normal though.

Oh, so the late fees. They came from the latest movies I watched. The first being Stranger Than Fiction (not worth it) and Waitress which was adorable and charming and I didn't mind paying the late fee for because that meant I got to watch it twice. I never used to like Keri Russel but now I totally love her just because of this movie. Thanks Anna for writing about it! I can't find the exact post right now though. In between those movies and then last ones I wrote about we also watched Catch & Release, which was cute and we liked it because it was set and filmed in Boulder.

Well, it's about that time of night where I need to start praying for contractions. My widwife is on call tomorrow and that would be a fantastic day to go to the hospital...

The Scotch Tape Trick

I've been meaning to post about this for like a year. With summer upon us and travel season in full gear it seems like an appropriate time.

Here it is: If you go on a long car trip, take a roll of scotch tape with you. Actually, take one roll per child.

I learned this when we went on our big trip last summer. Scotch tape was one of those little things I'd packed in the 'junk drawer' in the RV. Even though I spent a couple months accumulating new and interesting toys to entertain Jacob on the long ride, the roll of scotch tape was what he ended up spending the most time being entertained by while in the car seat.

Ever since then I have kept a roll of tape in the glove compartment of each of our automobiles and it has come in handy o0n several occasions. Tape is one of those things that you hate for them to get into at home, so when you give them full access to it, it's like a little slice of Heaven for them. It's almost too easy!

How to save $150 a year

Zach shaved his head this morning. When he was running he used to do this every time he needed a cut, then he became a family man and started going to the barber. So he's decided to start shaving it himself again and that means a little more savings for us. I think it actually made him feel lighter. He was in such a good mood all day and acting really happy. Maybe he feels a little more like his old self, the person he was before he got bogged down with so much responsibility.

This is Bad-Ass Zach, all miffed
that I had to take his picture.

And this is him after seeing the first

picture when he got all into it and made
me keep taking them until he came out
looking something other than angry.

Baby Waiting

9 months pregnant + 95 degree heat = this totally sucks.

All I could think today is If I go into labor right now, then I get to go to the hospital where it's air conditioned!

I pretty much checked out this weekend. The cleaning hasn't really gotten done, cooking is very minimal. No more mowing the lawn for me, or even exercising. Getting hot flashes is bad enough, try having one in 95 degrees. My brain must literally be turning to mush because I can't think very well and remembering little details is difficult. That's hard for me to deal with because I am the details person of the universe.

I'm to the point where I look so crazy fat and whacked out in the small amount of clothes that still fit me, that I don't even want to leave the house anymore. I had to force myself to go into public twice today and I felt like an idiot. At the grocery store I was so afraid of running into someone I know. I actually saw a girl I went to high school with and I ran in the other direction. I swear after this week when Jacob's end-of-year things ('Spring Fling' at gymnastics and 'Moving Up' at playschool) are over I'm going to commit myself to a voluntary exile.

I'm melting...I'm melting!

There were many different titles I was considering for this post, but right now quoting the Wicked Witch of the West seems most appropriate, because, quite literally I am melting. It is really hot and I am here, still pregnant. I had hoped today would be the day. In fact, I have been telling the baby, willing it for months now to be born on this day. There isn't much significant about June for me so I figured a birthdate of 6/7/08...get it, numerical order...would be the best I could hope for.

Anyway, the only positive thing I can see in the situation now is that at least I won't be like this all summer. And of course that I still have a baby, whether it's out there in the world yet or not. Through all my complaining I am secretly always thinking of my friend who lost her baby a year ago this month. And no matter how miserable I am I am not taking the aliveness of the thing residing inside of me for granted. And I'm also secretly fearing that something will happen to the baby. I think that must be what I am most anxious about in all this waiting. Sure I want to have a little baby to hold and love, but mostly I want to know that it will be ok in the end. And I'm always feeling a desperate aching for my friend.

Hm...not what I was going to write about. I can't even remember where I was going at the start...oh yeah, something like I'm really pumping myself up for having a baby and trying to fill myself with positive energy, and right now I feel totally ready and psyched...and nothing is happening and all that energy is building up inside of me making me crazy. So crazy that I just want to scream and throw things around the room. And I'm afraid that the energy is going to build up so much that it will eventually begin to dissipate and then I will have none of it left by the time the baby is ready to show up...

Erg...the waiting...

Sleep Talking

Last night I was having a conversation with Zach when we had both just gotten into bed. I talked, he responded, I added something to the conversation, he gave me his opinion, I spoke up about my idea of the situation and then he yelled "LOOOKOUT!!"

If that doesn't make sense to you, then I guess you just have to live in our house to understand. In the two seconds it took me to say my part of the conversation, Zach fell asleep. And then he started the sleep talking. Sometimes I actually look forward to this time of day because I know he is always good for a laugh.

"What?" I asked in all seriousness to keep him going. This is the key, you have to play along, act like you're in his dream with him and he'll just keep going, letting you into his subconscious. Maybe this is why I am so good at reading his mind. I am a lucky wife!

"Someone just rolled a bowling ball down the shoot!" Says Zach.

At that point I was laughing too hard to continue the game, but oh boy, I wonder what that one was about.

Many, many times I have had this same kind of situation happen and I've lain in bed cracking up to myself, drafting a blog post for the morning. And then somehow when the moment is over I can't get back how to write about it in a funny way. Maybe it is not funny to other people. Maybe you just have to be there and that is it. But I hope it's not because this is just really good material. It will remain one of my biggest regrets that I did not start to write down these 'sleep conversations' sooner. But I am vowing, here and now, to do a better job because this is the stuff we'll look back on in 50 years and still have a good laugh over.

Like a couple nights ago when we were cross-country reminiscing (about our trip last year) and were reading over some of the old posts and looking at pictures. I came across this post and as Zach and I read it we were in tears over the hilarity of it. I honestly don't know if it's funny to other people, or if you really do have to be there to enjoy the humor in it, but I don't care. I'm going to write about them and keep them filed away in my memory (like Zach suggested a few weeks ago during another sleep conversation - "File it under 'I' in the top drawer.") so life is interesting when we're 80.

Meet the bunnies

Ever since I was Jacob's age I've had rabbits. Zach and I started our rabbit parenthood six years ago with Valentine, and shortly after came Nutmeg. Then I brought Bart home from the shelter without Zach's approval, and it became three. Most people are surprised how well we treat our rabbits. I think domestic rabbits are very misunderstood. People tend to think they are cage animals, and this couldn't be further from the truth. Sure, our rabbits have cages, but they don't spend all their time in them. The cages are mostly for their own protection.

The bunnies were our first babies. If you think we treat them like gold now, you should have seen the life they had before Jacob came along. They moved down a level after that. Then the dogs entered our life and things got worse for them. Since they're about to get the shit end of the stick even more with the new baby on the way, I thought it was high time I write a post about them.

First was Valentine:


She's a Dutch rabbit, as in her breed. She really sweet when she wants to be, but is also eager to prove that she's the boss. She's the oldest of the rabbits and somehow I think she knows it, and because of that she thinks she should get the best of everything. Valentine's food preferences lay in the middle of the spectrum. She loves her greens, as well as enjoys the occasional sweet treat.

A couple months after Valentine, we brought home Nutmeg. And you'll see how he got his name:



He's the pretty bunny. We actually thought he was a female when we first brought him home. He has these long, beautiful eyelashes and really nice coloring. But like a dumb blond, he is kind of an ofe. He lumbers around being klutzy and is the first to ask for attention. He's the one I show off to the kids when they want to pet one because he's so laid back and mellow. We often compare Nutmeg to Mango, what they lack in smarts they make up for in looks. Nutmeg has one major sweet tooth. His favorite is probably banana. He'll devour anything with sugar in it. When we feed him his pellets he is so eager to get started on them that if you're hand gets in the way of his dish he'll bite you.

At the very end of College I had to stop volunteering at the shelter where I took care of the rabbits and I absolutely could not leave without the sweetest bunny there, Bart. He was a Rex rabbit, which means he had rex fur, the softest fur ever. I have a sweet picture of Bartie with Jacob the day we had to put him to sleep but it's not on my computer and I can't be bothered to go rifling through all my disks looking for it now, so I will have to post his picture another time.

Bartie's demise is ironic in that the rabbit we rescued and brought home to be Bart's mate was in a way the cause of his death. Rabbits are very territorial animals, so even though we were able to get Val and Nutmeg to bond with one another, they never let Bart into their little clique. So when we heard about a nameless rabbit living in a basement under a milk crate with potato skins for her diet we didn't hesitate to bring her home as a friend for Bart. We were never able to get them bonded and one of the attempts led to a fight and a wound from which Bart developed a deathly rabbit illness. I miss Bart more than any other pet we've ever had.

With that said, here is the 4th bunny, we named her Sage:




She's a sweet girl. Mellow at times, but also very skiddish. Sometimes I think of her as similar to Ginger. They are both sort of a mystery to me. You never quite know what to expect. Since Sage doesn't have a friend buddy to snuggle up to she is very needy with the 'skin hunger'. She will sit there and let you pet her all day if you are willing. She's the one I'm most happy to bring upstairs and cuddle with on the couch or in bed because I can feel her just absorbing the love. Sage prefers her greens and will eat just about anything. I think she's just so grateful to be off potato skins that the rest is like dessert to her. Whatever Nutmeg snubs his nose at, Sage will always finish off.

Below is a picture of the newly re-designed outdoor rabbit pen, we call it the play pen. This is the best thing that has happened to the rabbits since before Jacob was born. Below that is a view of the disgusting basement they live in when they're not outdoors. We spend a lot of time keeping it nice and neat but since rabbits are so territorial they waste no time marking (ie, crapping all over the place) it up. The only time they're in their cages is when the others are getting their 'out time'. Valentine and Nutmeg get out together while Sage is in her cage, and then she gets let out by herself. If we let her out with one of the other they would tear each other apart in a fight to the death. That's what I meant up above by "for their own protection."


I wish I could write more, but I guess that's a start. Hopefully now that they've gotten their introductions it will be easier to write about them in the future. If I could leave you with one important thought though, it would be this: If you're considering getting a rabbit, really think about it. Know that they cannot live in only a cage, they are very intelligent and complicated creatures that take a lot of time to maintain. But if you do it right the results are totally worth. And please God if you are going to get a rabbit, go to a shelter!

Baby Clothes: Check

This morning Jacob and I went through the baby clothes, just the 0-3 months for now, pulled them out and washed them. This is what I did with them:


All of a sudden I had the urge to spend 10 minutes laying them out like this and take a picture. Before that I kept sorting them into different piles: Onesies, sleepers, socks, 'outfits', sleepers and onesies with stains on them. Then I would change my mind and shift them all around again. I am starting to go a little batty. I am completely restless and antsy!!

All I do now is find crazy things like this to do, and then get too irritated to continue and end up throwing something across the room. I alternate between the restless mood and the really, really irritated mood where everything bothers me. Sometimes I am restless and irritated at the same time, which actually is better than one or the other alone. That way I have something to be mad about (the fact that am restless) and the restlessness is somewhat alleviated by the fact that I am pissed off.

I've been organizing random things all over the house, which is a good thing. I'm not really sure you could call it nesting. If so, it's some form of insane hyper-nesting. Nesting gone awry. Nesting they could make a reality TV show out of.

Jacob wanted some peanuts so I scooped out a handful and put them in a bowl for him. he asked me, "Why did you give me that amount?" and I lost it. When I was done freaking out I looked up and saw Zach staring at me in wide-eyed bewilderment. Yeah, it's partly that I can't cope with little annoyances, but it's also partly that Jacob has been asking really, really obvious questions lately, perhaps just to hear himself talk? I don't know why Jacob, because that is the amount that fits in my hand when I reach into the container and scoop them out. I mean, is it just me, or is that kind of constant questioning really bothersome?

You know, maybe he's just getting restless too. That actually kind of makes sense. I'm doing things that have no purpose and he's letting loose with the non-sensible questioning...

Dear Jacob: May 2008

Dear Jacob,

This month has been a lot of waiting and a lot of preparing. I'm starting to get restless waiting for this baby, but you're still really excited and helpful. I think this having a new baby is coming at the perfect time considering your age and level of interest is being the 'go for' in this house. We've developed quite a rhythm with you following me around helping out with whatever you can.

This great rhythm of ours makes me a little afraid though. We're so completely in sync most of the time, the pair of us going about the house doing the dishes, vacuuming, doing the laundry, hanging clothes on the line to dry. You're such an eager helper. There are rough times too, but when it's just you and me and we're left to our own devices we get along so well. Being your mom is the best thing I have ever done. It's perfect. And so I'm afraid that it can't get any better, I'm scared having another child in the house will take away from the dynamic duo that you and I have become.

When we get home from somewhere I hand you the keys and you go unlock the front door while I gather our things. This is just one of the things that will be super helpful when I have an armload of baby to cart around. As I write this you are downstairs in the basement cleaning up the rabbits' area. This is not a forced activity, it is what you most want to do right now - sweep up rabbit poop.

You're my shopping buddy. You have a particular interest in clothes shopping, which is awesome for me, the clothes horse that I am. Picking out baby clothes is probably your favorite right now, though we don't have a need to actually buy any. Hear that everyone? If you want to get us a baby gift, no clothes please. We have more than enough.

Some of your current obsessions include the water coolers that they have in waiting rooms, watching the weather report on TV or on the radio and 'checking the Yankees score'. You are really into the Yankees now, thanks to your father. You're not really aware of when the games are on unless Daddy is around to tell you so, but sometimes you'll just go to the TV, flip it on and channel surf announcing that you're going to check the "ankees score" and she how Jeter's doing. You had a recent fantasy line going where you and Spud and Jeter were off to a job together. I can't picture that without laughing out loud. In my mind I see it as the trio of you walking across a parking lot with your backs to the camera, ala the Mod Squad.

Swinging on the swingset is on the list of your current favorite things. Correction: Your father just read this and he reminds me that he is the one who gets stuck pushing you on the swing and he says it is your number 1 favorite activity. You want to be pushed non-stop. This is really frustrating because you pretty much know how to pump by yourself now, but you've just got to perfect the technique. Teaching you how to pump is something that I find extremely irritating.

As long as you've been my kid I've known to watch out for the times when you get quiet and disappear on me. These days when you've gone silent my first reaction is to pick up the telephone to make sure you're not on there ordering a dozen pizzas. See, I recently gifted you the old phone book and donned it "Jacob's phonebook". You carry it around to hidden corners of the house, open it to the pizza section and with the cordless phone in your hand you start to look up numbers and try to figure out how to dial them. I knew I should never have taught you our address or how to dial 911! As of yet, there have been no surprise pizza deliveries, actually, I'm not sure you know the actual delivery part is even an option so I will keep that aspect of the system from your awareness as long as I can.

A couple weeks ago the three of us went to the ice cream place down the road and you started talking about when you went mini-golfing there with Nana. Daddy and I did not remember this at all. After a long time questioning you Daddy finally remembered the time an entire year ago. And you remembered this! The things you've been coming up with from a year or more ago that we haven't talked about since are amazing. It's like your brain isn't yet clogged up with all the useless information that adults walk around with in their heads.

Our relationship is not perfect. Most of this pregnancy I have been super happy about all the things you do, and everything is cute, blah, blah, blah...but now that I'm getting to the end things are beginning to get annoying. I'm not sure if it's just that I'm going insane, or that the pleasant streak has run out. For instance, anytime we have to get ready to either leave the house or for bed at night, you go crazy. You really just act crazy. Screaming, running around like a lunatic, hurling objects all around the house. I don't know, I can't describe it, but it's the most aggravating time of the day and all I do is repeat over and over again to "Get your underwear off your head and please brush your teeth already!"

Also, and I think it finally hit me today when I said, "Hey, let's count to twenty!" to get you to shut up - but you've been asking some really annoying questions lately. They are questions that I think you should be able to figure out the answer to, you know, like 4 year old common sense, and they all start with "Why?" Wasn't that the two year old thing to do? "Why did you step over that puddle?" I don't know, that was pretty silly of me to not want to get my foot wet, huh? Things like that.

Anyway, the benefits of having you around really do outweigh the costs, so I guess we'll keep you around. We have gotten quite used to you in the past 4 1/2 years. You've left your mark on us. Like the other day when I quickly grabbed something from the bathroom cabinet and almost did a double take because I thought that it looked like the q-tip and cotton ball containers had been refilled. I didn't need to see it again to believe it though because it soon became perfectly logical - I understood Jacob has been here. It's like your little calling card, proof that life would not be the same without you.

Movies

I've been getting some movies from the library lately because I figure pretty soon it will be something that I don't have time for. I request the ones I want and they come in to my library whenever they are available. So it was weird when Knocked Up and Juno (my movie taste varies) were available for pick up on the same day. They're both very different movies about unplanned pregnancies with a lot of weird similarities. Somehow when I rent movies in pairs like that they always end up being freakily similar.

I borrowed Knocked Up to watch with Zach because that's the kind of movie he likes, and I got Juno for myself because I didn't think he would like it. Let me tell you, Knocked Up was the worst movie I have seen in years, possibly ever. If you haven't seen it, don't bother. It was by far worse than any Will Ferrell movie we've seen in the last five years. It was completely unrealistic and stupid. There were scenes that I think they meant to be funny but really, it was just painful to sit through them. I'm kind of embarrassed to even admit to having wanted to see that movie.

Juno, however, was really good. Amazingly, Zach liked it too. He asked me why we didn't watch that movie first. I'd planned to watch it by myself but it rained that day so Zach ended up staying home instead of painting the exterior job he's working on. Anyway, moral of the story, Juno was a great movie, see that one.

Please explain this to me

All I really want to do these days is stay at home, close to where I am safe and my water can't break in public. I've still got to keep it together for Jacob and give him a change of scenery once in a while so we've been getting out doing as much as we can. Today we went to the mall and used those nifty JC Penney's coupons that come in the mail around Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day. The coupon is for $10 off of a purchase $10 or more, so it's almost like free money. I had two.

Jacob got a John Deere t-shirt, the baby got an organic cotton t-shirt which I am psyched about because it was Arizona brand. I'm glad mainstream companies are coming around to the Earth friendly way, but it was still 'Made in China'. Well, they're halfway there. We also got an adorable dress for Marisa that I'll give her for her birthday and then in six years my baby can wear it (girl or not). I only wish they made them in my size. Actually, when I am back to a normal size again I can resume shopping in the kids' section. I'm short enough that I can get away with it.

Woah...sorry, I got away from myself. I just love clothes so much I went off on a tangent. It's my biggest addiction. Anyway, so the other thing we did today was go to Starbucks because I had some money left on a gift card and I thought Jacob would like to sit out front in the sun to watch the people go by. While we were there I saw car after car after car pull in, the driver would get out leaving a passenger sitting there and the engine running. And I see people do this all the time, all over the place. I don't understand this. Are these people so rich that they just don't need to bother observing the gas prices?

Why would you leave your car running in a parking lot like that? If you're going to be idle for more than one minute then leaving your engine running is wasting gas. The cost of gas is only one reason, but also you're polluting the environment. The people who left their cars running were in Starbucks for way more than one minute - it was more like five minutes. I couldn't help but stare at the people sitting in the cars. I was almost hoping that they would ask me why I was staring at them so I could get on my high horse and tell them to shut off their freaking engine.

It's not like it was really, really hot and they needed the air conditioning on, the really seemed to be no reason why they would leave it running. Even in the cold weather, is it that important to keep the car running? That's the reason we have winter coats.

So please, if you are one of those people, I desperately want to know - Why is it you leave your engine running? Do you forget to shut it off? Are you going to rob the place and you want a quick getaway? Is it too hard to turn the key two extra times? Or do you just not know that you're wasting gas?

Anytime now....

I'm pretty much full-term now. I'd like to be done with this already. The only thing I was really worried about was missing the season finale of LOST last Thursday. That is over now, I can have this baby anytime.

Jacob's hospital bag is packed and ready to go. Mine is a different story. I've never really understood how you pack a hospital bag when there are so few clothes that still fit you and those are the only clothes that you will be fitting into after the baby as well. So with two pairs of pants that I alternate between, it's not like I can pack them away in a bag that sits by the door ready to go to the hospital. I just have to hope that the laundry is clean on the day I go into labor.

A few days ago I got the baby's carseat installed at AAA. Baby Honey is riding around in it for now. I've gotten together all the cloth diapers I have leftover from Jacob and bought a friend's used ones to complete the collection. Other than that I can't really do much more to get ready for the actual baby. I suppose I will pull out the newborn sizes of Jacob's old clothes and wash them. This is not to be confused with nesting. I am not nesting. Nesting is pretty much something my whole life is made up of because I am just that kind of person, but in this case I am forcing myself to do this stuff.

I'm going to get my hair cut for the last time in God-knows-how-long this week. I'm cutting up the remainder of my maternity clothes Flashdance-style to make a 'summer wardrobe' out of them because I have nothing appropriate that still fits me. I suppose I will get around to filing that huge stack of papers (at least 6 month's worth) that's been building up because it's taking up room on a table in what will be the kids' room (not to be confused with the kids' bedroom, it's just the room where Jacob's stuff lives). Lot's of spring cleaning has been going on here with help from my mom who loves to clean just as much as I do - no, really, we like to clean.

I gave the dogs a bath today. I'm organizing everything I can, clearing space wherever it's still possible, trying to get caught up on uploading pictures, updating the photo album, filling the freezer. And I'm growing more tired by the day. It's amazing how you think you can't be more exhausted, but then the next day brings a new level of tiredness. I can't wait until I have the excuse to lay around all day and have people get me things. Going to the hospital seems like a vacation to me at this point.